Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Rice]

"Ahhh..." a lone dinoguard shifts uncomfortably in his armor as he leans against the high walls that make the outer perimeter of Dinotopia. He pushes his helmet up as he scratches his brow, looking into the surrounding jungles. It's impossible to see past the canopy with the fading dusk of light but the incessant buzzing of prehistoric insects lets him know that everything is alright. "As usual," he thinks. "I don't know why they even bother putting the guard up anymore. There's no way they could find this place..." The haze of his surroundings cause him to relax a little more, and he gambles a look into the city. He sees a mother holding her hideous, bloated child (whose lower body is still encased in an egg) as it konks passing dinopeople on the head and goes "I'M DA BABY!!" Children hold prehistoric squids and chase each other around with them, shooting ink at one another. All is as it should be.

The dinoguard watches this scene until his eyelids begin to droop. He doesn't try to fight it, but his journey to the subconscious is interrupted by a rustling nearby. He seizes his halberd and stands at attention, looking around frantically. He looks down to see a prehistoric rat squeaking at him comically. He spits and thumps his polearm, causing the rodent to scurry away.

"Fucking mammels! They'll overrun us all someday..." Before he can breathe his obligatory sigh of relief, he looks around. The sound of children's laughter can only be heard. No insects. "Strange," the guard thinks. "That never happens. Where did the dinocicadas go?"\par

He feels a foul wind behind him, and spins around again. He lifts his weapon, on guard, but fails to notice the black shape that darts behind him.

"What was that?" he ponders, unaware of the carnage about to be wrought.

[Rice]

Thrak races up the eerily lit corridors of the DINO COMPLEX in a direction he can only hope is out. His warm-blooded agility aids him here as he hugs the shadows and avoids the passing dino patrols. He backs into a CREVICE, waiting for some conversating raptors to walk past before shooting out again and moving as quietly as he can down the dusty hallway. Thrak’s only guide is the sound of slaves working. With a pang of guilt, he realizes the fainter the sound is the closer he is to escaping.

“Bastards…” he thinks, “I can’t believe the dinos can’t have control of this time as well! I’ll come back and free them…after getting my revenge on…that guy…” He furrows his impressive brow at the thought of that asshole T-Rex, but continues on. After some time in the labyrinthlike compound, he rounds a corner and sees a lone dino sentry guarding a room marked “ARMORY”. He smiles as he darts back around quickly, and the guard goes “Huh? Who was that?” while stupidly walking forward.

“AWROOOO!” Thrak howls with a bestial ferocity as HE DESCENDS FROM THE DARKNESS ABOVE, USING HIS MOMENTUM TO LATCH ONTO THE POOR GUARD’S HEAD AND SLAM HIS SKULL INTO THE GROUND! Dusting himself off, he admires his handiwork before entering the previously guarded room. Piles and piles of advanced laser weaponry, explosive and incendiary devices, etc, line the walls and fill the crates. He hoots eagerly and moves forward, but passes these things by. He has found what he was looking for: his personal weapons cache. With renewed confidence, he reattaches his belt, examines his bee grenades to see if they starved to death, and straps his bonerang to his back. He looks around for something to complete the ensemble. Glancing up, he sees a club mounted on the wall, looking pretty quaint in comparison to the MIB-esque shit that fills the rest of the armory. He takes the chunk of wood down and admires its craftsmanship for a moment, but frowns.

“Hmm…need to upgrade!” He says, before taking a look around. Spying some railroad spikes laying on a crate, he reaches for them and drives them through the weapon. He gives the now-spiked club a test swing and smiles.

[Rice]

Somewhere else in the dino complex, a group of five raptors have cornered the escaped girl and are advancing upon her with fangs and dino dicks bared and dripping. They wear bandanas and shit like most of the raptors but are covered in oil stains and wield chains (just spiky lizard sized dinosaurs biting each other on the tail) and oversized stone wrenches and shit. A look at the surrounding area reveals the origin of their attire: buggies prehistoric and postapocalyptic alike are parked in the area, each one ramshackle in its own way. These seem to be the mechanics of the dino advance scout.

“Geh heh heh! I neva had a human goil before!” one of them says, licking scaled lips.

“Ya think that mammel pussy’ll break under some of this DANK DINO DICK?” this one piece of shit in a wife beater asks.

“Nah, I seen deez human goils doin’ it all da time. You can’t believe how hard dey can take it!” a raptor in a mechanic’s jumpsuit grunts. His name-patch says “Jerry”.

“Heh heh…and da boss said we ain’t gonna be able to get us any womenz in da future!” squeaks the wifebeater-wearing dino.

This of course just sounds like screeching and howling to the terrified girl, but their unsheathed reptile cocks let her know their intent. Shaking, she backs into a corner, pissed off that she might be raped for like, the third time in the last day.

“Heh heh, looks like dis one ain’t one for talk! Dat’s okay as long as da mouth still works…” the Jerry says. He jumps forward and seizes her and is about to make some really ugly babies when SUDDENLY HE FEELS A HIDEOUS PAIN IN HIS DICK, THEN NOTHING. LOOKING DOWN, HE SEES HIS COCK HAS BEEN NAILED TO THE FLOOR AND TORN OFF HIS BODY BY A SPIKED CLUB!

“W-WHAT DA FUCK IZ GONE ON HERE?!” JERRY SCREAMS. TERRIFIED, THE GIRL LOOKS OVER TO SEE THRAK STANDING THERE LIKE A BADASS LAYING HIS BONERANG ON HIS SHOULDERS. BEFORE ANYONE CAN REACT HE THROWS IT, AND IT ARCS AROUND THE GROUP OF RAPTORS, CUTTING OFF THEIR DICKS! THE BLOODY STUMPS SPRAY BLOOD FREELY AS THE RAPTOR GOONS HOWL IN AGONY AND RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES. THE BONERANG FLIES BACK INTO THRAK’S MEATY HAND!

“Well well, for all you dinos’ superiority there’s still one department where we’ve got you beat,” Thrak motions down, referring to the other club that he wields(huhuhu) This would be uplifting and heroic to the girl but all she hears is like “Ook ook ooook” Still, her lack of understanding cavespeak doesn’t keep her from running to Thrak, and grabbing onto his leg for support. As she wraps her arms around his Radditz thigh she also inadvertently hugs his caveman dick that like, reaches past his knees.

“S-SHIT!” the overalls-wearing dino screams. “CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, JUST REMEMBER DA PLAN IN CASE DIS SHIT HAPPENED!” The other raptors bite through the pain and nod, regrouping. Ignoring the spraying dickblood, they jump on each other’s shoulders and wrap their tails around each others’ waists, forming a roughly humanoid shape. Overalls is the legs, the wife beater guy takes the midsection and the rest of them just form an upper body of limbs waving around chains, wrenches, and a chainsaw.

“HEH HEH…” Overalls screams. “DA IGUANOS AIN’T DA ONLY SMART ‘UNZ! YOU MAY BE ABLE TO BEAT US RAPTORS ONE ON ONE SO DAT’S WHY WE COMBINE TO FORM DA BIGGEST AND DA STRONGEST!”

Thrak and the girl share incredulous looks before Thrak tosses a bee-nade into the mass of bodies. The monstrous insects swarm the Ghettozord, causing it to stomp about and swing wildly, crashing into and breaking several vehicles.

Thrak allows a grin at the ridiculousness of the situation before screaming “ROLLING STONE!” and FLYING INTO A BALL, ROCKETING TOWARDS THE DINOZORD!(lol) THE FORCE OF THE HUMAN CANNONBALL BLOWS THEM APART, AND WE SEE BODIES GO FLYING EVERYWHERE.

Thrak lands nimbly on his feet, but as he looks around he realizes the commotion attracted a bunch of nearby patrols. He grunts at the girl and they run towards the nearest dinocar (the thing Fred Flintstone drives). He directss the girl to the laser cannon attached to it, and he jumps in the driver’s seat as he tries to start it by rubbing his foot against the ground really fast. The car makes these comical startup noises as he goes “Come ON!” in frustration as the dinopatrols close in, brandishing increasingly threatening weaponry. The girl spins around in the GUNNER SEAT, blowing away a bunch of dinosaurs, but there are too many. Just as they leap forward to swarm the car, it KICKS INTO LIFE and they're take off, flattening several dinosaurs in the way.

Thrak hoots excitedly at the sensation of speed as the girl blasts their persuers who are now scrambling to get into what vehicles aren’t destroyed or get to their Gallimimus runners. They barrel down a cave tunnel and shoot stalactites down to discourage pursuit. When they’ve gained a fair amount of distance, the girl turns and asks Thrak.

“Where to now?!”

Even though he doesn’t know what she said, he still understands. He accelerates by kicking faster and stares stoically ahead.

“TIME LOG…”

[Action Hank]

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/13/science/13cnd-dino.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

[Action Hank]

http://www.velociraptors.info/