Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

GimpMask · (Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:40 pm)

Ha, you leatn something new every day. If his name is patrick I will shit my pants and then go all hard drinking irish outland rants

My Head Hurts 90 · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:12 am)

Although fate has conspired against me to reduce my stove to a single burner, I was able to make something. No one on my floor had a food processor I could use to make pasta sauce, plus I only have 25 dollars to last me the week. So with that in mind.....

Recipe #2 Sloppy Joes

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/sloppy-joes-ii/

awwww yeah

Definitely one of my favorite poor people meals. Sure, it may look like dog food, but uh, it's got brown sugar in it! I forgot to drain the beef after browning it because I'm stupid, so the beef was pretty greasy. In the end it doesn't matter since everything is covered in delicious sauce anyways.

If you can somehow add a smoky flavor to things using a gas stove please tell me because I would've done it here. Also, that recipe is way too conservative when it comes to adding peppers and onions. Of course, by the time I realized that I was basically done and very hungry, so I didn't bother adding any more. Ah well.

Overall: *crotch chops @ can of Manwich*

Next time: I don't know! Maybe I'll look up a powerful version of mashed potatoes or other side dish.

If you know any recipes that require only a modicum of cooking ability and equipment, pass them along.

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:34 am)

Are you FUCKING JOKING?

When the thread read cooking I was not under the impression it involved canned goods, which is what earmarked the decline of human decency

Sloppy Joe's? What the fuck?

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:36 am)

I just cooked mhh's face

MY CLOTHES ARE SO FUCKING ITCHY WHY!!!!!!!

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:45 am)

I guess Jambalaya was the last thing I remember making. It was quite well made, but I started drinking vodka from a jug and next thing I knew my girlfriend was chocking on cayenne pepper and the tap water was dangerous so it was either that or cheap vodka. She risked death instead.

Also I was drinking cheap vodka and searing a hunk of meat. I decided I didn't care it was not even rare yet and picked it out if the pan with my hands. I started choking. The kind where you're really choking, not having trouble swallowing. It crossed my mind for a second that I should quickly post I was naked and drunk off vodka sitting 'n front of ftu. Telling you guys I was choking to death instead of trying to get helping. I then realized I did nit have enough time and managed to somehow get it down. I'm nit sure why I felt so serene that I was going to die, but I didn't, so its something I get to chalk up to my life stories instead.

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:46 am)

I guess Jambalaya was the last thing I remember making. It was quite well made, but I started drinking vodka from a jug and next thing I knew my girlfriend was chocking on cayenne pepper and the tap water was dangerous so it was either that or cheap vodka. She risked death instead.

Also I was drinking cheap vodka and searing a hunk of meat. I decided I didn't care it was not even rare yet and picked it out if the pan with my hands. I started choking. The kind where you're really choking, not having trouble swallowing. It crossed my mind for a second that I should quickly post I was naked and drunk off vodka sitting 'n front of ftu. Telling you guys I was choking to death instead of trying to get helping. I then realized I did nit have enough time and managed to somehow get it down. I'm nit sure why I felt so serene that I was going to die, but I didn't, so its something I get to chalk up to my life stories instead.

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:53 am)

"Authorities find the notorious pat naked asphyxiated drunk in front if homosexual message board. Detective Glenn Pinto suspects the cause of death erotic asphyxiation as we was apparently attempting to masturbate. The dceaseds family comments it was probably the least well kept secret in the world his demise would occur in such a manner."

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:52 am)

"At funeral thrown in a mad dog 20/20 in the midst of a hobo fight bums were paidin popov to reenact him being set ablaze by wife due to him being naked and drunk while drinking vodka in front of the computer. Funeral Pyre was approved by pasco county magistrate of appropriate body disposal"

ALDP · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:43 am)

It's weird that you complain about nobody posting when you so rarely read what anyone actually posts.

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:16 am)

I read every post I see

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:27 am)

And I contributed with some stories about cooking. I mean I suppose the time I prepared a lime shrimp thingy with Spanish shit that's sorta like salsa and some sort of linquine I forget could've been thrown in, but the result was not a catastrophe and I don't remember the recipe. Everyone has an idea of what Jambalaya is and it involved drunken antics and stuff, which allowed me to stumblesegue into a awesome story I forgot about

ALDP · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:01 am)

He made it very clear in his post that he didn't make sloppy joes from a can. Also I don't know if they sell Manwich in Saudi Arabia, but it's not like there's anything in this thread about MHH being in Saudi Arabia, right?

GimpMask · (Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:43 am)

Well the can thing I was trying to quote a Confederacy of dunces but I don't remember the exact line

He's in Saudi Arabia? Well, I guess I could defend myself by going when I first tried to make it through this thread I was extremely beaten down by bronchitis so naturally bunny's post about curry was as far back as I can remember but I'm not going to do that

My Head Hurts 90 · (Thu Mar 22, 2012 7:03 am)

For some reason this came to me in a dream: chocolate banana lava cookies! Of course, I need an oven for these, but once I do I'm going to rock this shit. I hope I can keep having food dreams instead of the usual images of fire and my face being ground into a buzzsaw.

This week is tuna salad since I'm low on cash, so I'm not going to bother photographing it.

My Head Hurts 90 · (Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:50 am)

Recipe #666 (or 3)

Chocolate Banana Lava Cookies

You know, as I was looking up recipes to give me ideas it struck me as odd that I've never seen this idea before. Why wouldn't you combine cookies with liquid chocolate? After a couple of hours it dawned on me that this is either because a) I am a god damn genius or b) I fundamentally misunderstand how to bake things. Spirits are high in Saudi Arabia, so naturally I thought a.

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Banana dough

1 cup mashed bananas
1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1/2 cup butter
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 egg
1 tsp baking soda

Chocolate Mixture

A ratio of 1/2 oz baking chocolate to every 2 oz milk chocolate

Instructions:

1. mix butter and sugar together, add egg and stir again

2. in a separate bowl, mix bananas and baking soda

4. combine butter mix and banana mix together, add flour and cinnamon and mix until you get dough

5. melt the two chocolates in a double boiler (this did not go as planned)

6. Put dough on baking sheet, add chocolate mixture to middle, fold dough over the mixture (ditto)

7. Bake at 350 F for 11-13 minutes

No wonder no one tries doing this, melting chocolate is the most bullshit thing ever. I don't have a double boiler, and my stew pot isn't small enough to make one with my other bowl, so I have to use the microwave. It took me a couple of batches of burnt chocolate to figure out the time. 2 1/2 to 3 minutes of constant eyeballing and stirring and I still don't think it melted fully. Apathy was starting to set in so I just moved along anyways,

Since I've never made cookies by myself, I didn't realize that room temperature dough sucks for what I'm doing. It's not that far off from liquid and finicky as hell, which makes folding dough a nightmare. Naturally, by the time I get the cookie looking right, the chocolate has already cooled back into a god damn solid. Fed up with this nonsense, I stuck it in the oven anyways. The result?

Hmm, well, that doesn't look too bad. Although if the little pieces of chocolate are any indicator, that shit is not going to be melted inside. Let's check:

*sighz*

One thing to note is that the cookie is closer to a cake in texture. This is a constant in banana cookie recipes that I assumed I'd solve via magic, since I didn't really change the basics that much. The secret ingredient isn't love after all.......

On the plus side, everything about this cookie tastes really good.

Anyways, I'm going to chill the dough tomorrow and give this another go. You haven't won yet, fucker!

ALDP · (Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:27 am)

ngggh, prretty fuckin wrist, wanna fuck that wrist

My Head Hurts 90 · (Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:14 am)

Recipe 666

Chocolate Banana Lava Cookies (part 2)

Now that I know how to fuck up, maybe I can avoid doing it or at least not do it so much. Got the chocolate melted right the first time, transferred that shit to my pre-made cookie shapes and threw that into a piping hot 350 degree oven immediately.

Sure, the cold dough will cause the chocolate to cool a bit, but oven heat should even that out. Right? Well, here goes nothing.

I've seen this somewhere before......

Fuck! Well, it's definitely melted, but nowhere near that liquid state I wanted. Until the cookie version of ramekins comes out, I'm going to declare this idea physically impossible.

Overall: Still good, perhaps because I can taste my crushed dreams....

Next time: A lamb curry dish that seemingly has 100 different recipes.

My Head Hurts 90 · (Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:04 am)

Oh, I guess I was melting my chocolate all wrong, something I probably should've checked were it not for my laziness/retardation.

This could probably work with hot chocolate pudding too, but since I'm out of ingredients and resolve, I'm not going to attempt this for awhile.

BigJoeMex · (Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:54 pm)

Literally everything I cook involves boneless chicken strips. If I feel like an aristocrat I get a fat steak instead.

Magic Juan · (Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:58 pm)

Has anyone else read House of Leaves? It alternates between extremely engrossing and then the academic satire jerking itself off kills it.