Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

Fagzilla · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:33 am)

I'm working on my response.

Jason · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:37 am)

I hope you eschew bridge-building and appeasement and actually show some CHUTZPAH with this one.

Tell him to get real job, Jon Allen!
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Jason · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:46 am)

I want you to be very specific regarding how his inflated concept of his own success is not due to talent and how his hyper-defensive tantrum, complete with the insistence that everyone at FTU is a mutant who is unfit to judge comedy despite (I have to say) the intelligence, specificity and profundity of our critiques, which he refuses to acknowledge because his brain is robotic in its incapacity for self-doubt - how truly that proves your point that he owes his Z-list celebrity to his impassioned determination to puff out his chest and declare to the world over and over that he is a star until everyone believes it.
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MADali · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:18 am)

This is a great thread.

Fagzilla · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:57 am)

Well, it's not like he isn't going to read the thread himself, Jason!

Jason · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:26 am)

Take no chances.
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Jason · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:30 am)

Also, he clearly only skims this thread, considering his proxy responses to you and Morgan. His eyes and criticism of his genius are two positively charged ions (those last words were said in a mediocre Milhouse voice).
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Magic Juan · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:33 am)

He did say that it was Chris' life's work to destroy him!

Fagzilla · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:49 am)

Since you're taking this so bizarrely seriously, I'll humor you, even though this is totally ridiculous.

The first thing we should probably get clear is what exactly I said, and what you read, about you/your act.

Here's the thread:
http://www.ftusa.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3488
(For the record, I am Fagzilla on FTU, and only Fagzilla.)

- In my first post, in a thread entitled "this caused me exquisite pain," I said your act made me "gasp for air" because it was so bad. (Oh, brutal!)

- In my second post, I said that your impressions were good, that you were good in The Great Jon's movies, and that you were SURPRISINGLY GOOD-LOOKING. (Vicious!)

- I then made a whimsical, harmless 279-word post about how the part of your brain that deems things unfunny seems to be broken or missing. (Sick burn!)

- I then agreed with Jason when he made the observation that it was a strange irony how the two unfunniest FTUers were the ones who had gone on to do stand-up. (Right for the jugular!)

- Then I said that the "yelling at your dick/phone" bit was the thing that caused me to squirm the least. (STOP CHRIS, HE'S ALREADY DEAD!)

- Then I said that you seem to be someone who works really hard at his career, and will probably be successful as a result, but that you'll need luck to get to the next level. (H-how could I DO such a thing???)

- I then re-posted your FAVORITE QUOTES list from the public-facing part of your Facebook profile. (!)

- And finally, I called you "vindictively unfunny", which was actually probably the worst thing I said in the thread, but which was posted AFTER your first FB message to me.

In that message, you characterized what I said in this thread as me "writing essays" that were "gigantic" "vicious troll personal attack" "diatribes" in which I was "making it my life's work" to "rip apart your act".

Wha?

Dude, I barely even grazed you!

Do you really think those posts are me at my most scathing and caustic?

"Personal?" I haven't come after you personally at all! YOU'RE the one calling ME the fat, squalid, failure (in counterpoint to me, literally, lauding you for being HANDSOME AND SUCCESSFUL!)

It's true that your act was torn a new asshole in that thread (and I DO take responsibility for creating the situation by making the thread, MY BAD), but I myself was mild at worst. Jason and ALDP (and to some extent Seru) did the real heavy lifting there.

The bottom line is that the thread was about you, but it was not directed at you. This was not an attack. In fact, I never wanted you to see it, and I would have regretted that you did, even if you HADN'T flipped out and turned into the porcelain gay baby that you're now being.

I mean, I thought there was a chance you'd see it, and that I'd feel bad if it hurt your feelings, but I thought FTU's take on it would be funny enough to make that risk worthwhile. And it WAS funny!

But I never could have predicted that it would have STABBED YOU AS DEEPLY as it apparently has. I mean, holy fuck! Isn't this kind of shit par for the course in your line of work?

You mention that this thread came at a "bad time," and I guess it's unfortunate that you ran into it now, and that it came from someone "who was supposedly a friend from a couple years back", but oh well.

Speaking of which, let's talk about THAT.

I think 4 brief AIM chats and one phone conversation (or it was a voice chat, or something) constitute the entirety of our relationship.

(This, by the way, was our most recent:)

7/11/2002
JFA24: Fuck you fat ass
PsarevoOmorfia: I WANT TO TALK TO MIKE
PsarevoOmorfia: SO VERY BADLY
JFA24: who?
PsarevoOmorfia: GOD JON, I NEED HIM SO BADLY RIGHT NOW
JFA24: God, why am I even talking to you.
PsarevoOmorfia: GOD!
JFA24: Seriously, next chance you get,
JFA24: jump in front of a bus

To be fair, I don't remember what led up to this, so HEY, MAYBE I DESERVED IT, but the point remains that as far as I can remember, you telling me to "seriously, jump in front of a bus" was our last direct communication. Nine years ago.

Only time I ran into you after that was in the big DBZ voice actor megachat that Yogurtman invited me to that one night in 2004, but you and I barely spoke because your mouth was busy at the time with all the FUNimation voice actor cocks you were servicing (OOPS, DID I JUST SAY THAT?)

So, being funny is your career path. Fine, good. That being the case, you should be embracing that thread, not crying about it like a pussy. Take it, use it. You should be savoring any criticism you can get. Filter out all the personal attacks, go for the essential ideas being expressed, and the truth about that thread is that it contains observations that you could, and should, take note of. What isn't true can't hurt you, and something's obviously hurting you, so what does that say?

Say what you will about FTU, but whether or not you think they're actually funny, they are, at the very least, pretty damned spot-on when it comes to calling people on being UNfunny, and the most important thing a comedian is ever going to learn (and what you desperately need to work on) is NOT BEING UNFUNNY.

I WOULD like to see you succeed. You obviously have the "drive" part well in hand, and a foot in the door. But you should concentrate on being less shitty, rather than name-dropping and spouting a bunch of egomaniacal horseshit about what a celebrity you are and how you make roomfuls of people laugh.

As for "violating your privacy," first of all, the video was public, and therefore fair game for anyone to discuss, anywhere, in any way they wished.

Second, me re-posting messages that YOU sent to ME has nothing to do with "your privacy." If you didn't want me to post them, you shouldn't have made them so entertaining. You came at me with fists swinging, after the mildest of critiques, so you're damn right I'm going to post it. You are being insane. How can I NOT post this stuff?

Like it or not, you're part of Fagtown. Maybe an infamous part that everybody makes fun of, but whatever, so am I. So is pretty much EVERYBODY there, at one time or another. And I honestly think we're all better because of that place being a pressure-cooker.

Stop taking yourself so goddamn seriously. In a few months/years, this is going to look so retarded to you.

Anyway, sorry!

Jason · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:10 am)

I don't believe that Jon Allen has the same retrospective abilities as FTU that would lead him to one day feel shame for his actions.

Pink Hat Guy's the crown jewel of that motherfucker's CV!
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MADali · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:09 am)

chris psaros powering up

Theldorrin · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 11:03 am)

Chris, your summary makes it seem like you were pretty horrible to Jon Allen.
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@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

Action Hank · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:42 pm)

I <3 FTU

Seru · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:28 pm)

Chris, I said don't be a pussy. Your head might as well be a BLOOD ENGORGED clitoris at this point.

Also, you should probably be banned for even mentioning me in that limp-dicked rebuttal. FOR...EVER.

Fagzilla · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:46 pm)

It wasn't my intention to be EXXXTREME AND HARDKORE.

After all, this is probably a bad thing that I've done to poor ol' Jon Allen. I'm not looking to make it worse.

I don't want to break people down. That's not my scene, man!

Jason · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:47 pm)

It's not extreme or hardcore to call him on his delusional bullshit.
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Fagzilla · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:49 pm)

Not everybody thrives on negative reinforcement like I do!

Mike Dunn · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:53 pm)

Yeah, some people are insane faggot babies who can't handle the truth.

ALDP · (Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:54 pm)

MADali · (Tue Mar 15, 2011 1:37 am)

Trying to break a person down is the most enjoyable thing you can do online.