Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[L Ron Butterfly]

In this thread, I talk about my complete computer illiteracy. I discuss problems I'm currently having with computers, but it is important to realize that this is NOT a request for help of any sort. When you read this thread, imagine a bird flying into a window, not realizing it is a window. Now imagine that bird displays human mannerisms: he sits down, scratches his head, gets up, assumes a determined look, and flies back into the same window, this time harder. Now imagine this bird can actually speak English. He notices you watching him and asks you: "Do you see that tree over there?" The tree is on the other side of the window. You can see it. You say, "Yes." The bird says, "I've tried EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to get to that tree. I've tried flying to it slow, and flying too it fast. Flying high and low. No matter how I try to fly to the tree, I never get there."

I imagine that my computer skills are so terrible, that this is a appropriate metaphor for the average person's reaction to me doing the most basic computer-related task.
To fully digest this information, you have to keep two things in mind. First, I majored in computer science for two years. Second, I don't enjoy taking this tone. I'm not proud of being THAT GUY WHO SUCKS AT TECHNIAL THINGS. I don't think it somhow indicates that I make up for what I lack in some creative field. I feel like I'm swimming in bricks. A lot of WRITERS actually (cringe/gay) take a lot of pride in talking about how much they suck shit at things that aren't writing. Dave Barry used to write many artciles about buying an early PC and spending lots of time yelling at it. Dave Barry is not funny. Mike Payne used to joke about MPP's shoddy layout and attribute it to his poor HTML skills. It wasn't really funny when Mike did it, but his site's shitty html actually made it look pretty badass. IF he could do html, though, his site might have gone FARTHER and might still exist.

This literally makes me very ashamed. So now imagine the bird has begun to cry and is blaming his lack of ability to get to the tree on early childhood trauma. I think that pretty much completes the analogy. I'm going to carge swastikas and pentagrams into my penis while I cry and listen to The Smiths for about thirty minutes now, and then I'll provide examples of just how retarded I am with computers.


I literally don't have any expectations for this thread other than me posting an anecdote and Theldorrin responding with, "Ha ha ha" or something to that effect, and then me posting another anecdote. So if you think this thread is shitty (and I'm sure you do, whoever you are), don't bother to tell me. I already know. Just insult my ability if you are Theldorrin (or anybody else), and if you want, you can even use technical terms to make me feel even dumber. But don't say anything that could potentially help me become better. I am not asking for help.

[Theldorrin]

A lot of people in computer science are bad at it.

[MADali]

I never got that. Why ARE people that student anything IT related so shitty at computers?

[johnbuisthegreat]

Computer Science is more so theory and not being a computer whiz as much.

[johnbuisthegreat]

Book smart and sociably stupid pretty much

[Theldorrin]

It doesn't really matter. If you're properly trained in certain fields then operating a computer and debugging problems should be reasonably intuitive to you because you are able to think about how they do/could work, and then work from that principle.

I don't think the actual knowledge is necessarily that significant for a lot of that stuff. Like I'm sure many people on this forum have a basic understanding of what domain names and IP addresses are.

Although being able to skip debugging because you have a shitload of IT experience is certainly very useful and valuable since it makes thing a lot quicker.

A lot of people go into computing because they hear that the money is good and I guess computers are still more attractive than being an actuary (even though actuaries make way more money, in general).

[L Ron Butterfly]

Retardation number one: Myspace.

For some reason, I will never-- for as long as I live-- be able to so much as set a background for a myspace page. This is a real problem for me because I'm a gay, pathetic musician who wants to have an awesome myspace page with cool pictures and thousands of friends (bots programmed to automatically accept my requests to make me feel important) and hundreds of thousands of views (generated by hitting refresh repeatedly) to feel important.

I've been in two bands (Meatgod and Spite) that have myspace pages, but in each case, somebody else in the band did all the web editing. I'm trying to start MY OWN BAND where I have all the creative control called U.S. Nero, but no matter how many hours I put into it, I cannot set a picture of a brick wall with "U.S. Nero" written in splattered blood as my background.

Apparently, there are myspace editors that do this for you, but I don't know how they work, and I always get confused in the process of using them. I'm pretty sure you don't NEED a myspace editor to set a background. Searching for "How to set a myspace background" yielded some site that gave a simple html tag that you enter the URL of your image into, but it said, "Simply enter this text into your PROFILE BOX," and as far as I can figure, the PROFILE BOX is a made up thing that has never existed.

My other option has been to use MYSPACE HELP, which tells me to go to CUSTOMIZE PROFILE, and that the second option on the top row will be "select themes." But this "select themes" is nowhere to be found in "customize profile" so I get stopped short pretty early. This makes me feel really stupid because every day thousands of eight year olds with learning disabilities edit cool backgrounds onto their myspace pages, and I can't figure it out. It seems like it should be so simple. There should just be an option in "edit profile" or "customize profile" (they are literally the exact same thing) that says, "Set background" or "Change background" or something like that, but there isn't.

I will wait for people to laugh before embarking on my problems with THIS VERY TEXT BOX THAT I'M TYPING IN RIGHT NOW.

[L Ron Butterfly]

OH wait, I think I figured it out. You just put the html into your band profile box, or I guess any box that allows you to enter text since it probably just imports that text into the html code.

[Theldorrin]

Customizing your profile on Myspace is actually extremely difficult because Myspace has very poorly written HTML, and presumably you want your changes to be supported in IE6.

[Sporkism]

no matter how many hours I put into it, I cannot set a picture of a brick wall with "U.S. Nero" written in splattered blood as my background.
_________________


@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

[Potatoes]

does the U.S. in "U.S. Nero" stand for the United States?

[L Ron Butterfly]

Ulcer Sauce

[Derek Payne]

Gayputer

[L Ron Butterfly]

[L Ron Butterfly]

Retardation number Two: M.S. Paint

Notice how her wings are cut off. To create this picture, it was necessary for me to flip the angel picture at a ninety degree angle, so I could capture the whole image in 200 times magnification while I cut it out of its original background.

For some reason, whenever I flipped it back over, the top half of her head was cut off.

I tried a bunch of stuff like sizing the entire image to ten times what I needed and moving the angel into the very center before flipping it. Still, the top of her head was cut off.

Finally, I flipped the happy face at a ninety degree angle also, and combined the two pictures the way I wanted them, only sideways.

I cropped everything but the angel and the happy face out of the picture and then flipped the ENTIRE IMAGE by 90 degrees. Her head was no longer chopped off, but her wings were. I said CLOSE ENOUGH and gave up.

[cloacal kiss]

I only read the first post but I have to say right away that Dave Barry is totally funny!

[L Ron Butterfly]

Retardation number three: The text box on this forum.

For some reason whenever I post here, after my post gets to a certain length, I can't read what I'm typing. Every character I enter causes the text box screen to scroll all the way to the top. So, if I make a long post, I just have to type without looking at the text as I go. I can read over it later to look for errors, but every time I hit BACKSPACE to fix it, the text box scrolls back up. It does not effect the position of the cursor, but since I can't see what I'm doing without scrolling back down after every button I hit (which my impatience will not allow), I usually end up adding more errors instead of fixing the ones that are already there.

If you are completely desparate for amusement, you might try to find some of my longer posts and notice how hideously error-prone and even nonsensical (even compared to my usual output) after a certain point.

[Derek Payne]

Dave Barry is essentially reading Zits without the drawings.

[Sporkism]

Your problem with MS paint is that you're using MS paint.
_________________


@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

[cloacal kiss]

I'm gonna use this thread for some other Theldorrin purpose I thought of a while ago.

Theldorrin, if it's unhealthy to drink while eating, why do they ask for your drink order first in restaurants?