Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Mike Dunn]

His review of the new Star Trek was the first negative review posted to Rotten Tomatoes, and now after looking through his previous reviews it's clear that he is a master troll critic who hates every movie you like.

"Forget the Oscar bait, Transporter 3 is the only movie you need to see this season."

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-2725/

*strength*

[Mike Dunn]

NOTHING IN CINEMA this week is more important than Transporter 3. It’s been a long time since a new movie has been so spiritually and aesthetically exhilarating. Producer Luc Besson, director Olivier Megaton and star Jason Statham work at the top of their imagination and abilities—not like they’re completing a formulaic sequel but reinventing the action movie genre.

The chase sequence, the fight scene, the love scene are performed with a rare skill that analyzes the visual, generic components while snapping them into place with new rhythm. Every sequence whirls like ingenious choreography. It tells a story—in movement—of Transporter Jack Martin (Statham) forced to escort a Ukrainian politician’s daughter Valentina (freckly Natalya Rudakova) across Europe while dragged (kicking and flying) out of his steely macho isolation. (No star runs in character better than Statham, whose agile body is superbly sculpted while his voice remains tender—despite gruff edges).

Transporter 3 affords viewers a similar romantic evolution. For all the violent movie conventions we endure and standard CGI imagery with that stale, storyboarded look, Besson, Megaton and Statham make action movies exciting again.Watching Martin outmaneuver a ruthless Trump-quoting businessman (Robert Knepper) isn’t “dark”; it’s a joyous good vs. evil exposition. Aficionados will appreciate the humor of a goon’s “Are you the smart one?” retort. Snobs will misunderstand the progress before their eyes. When Megaton makes Godardian symbolism of Martin’s hand retrieving a key from Valentina’s, Transporter 3 evinces greater art than Van Sant’s studied poetic effects.

[Mike Dunn]

It’s significant that Murphy has moved past the family quandary of The Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps (where he was at his most brilliant) into an area of sly social commentary. When Mr. Wong querulously says “Blacks and Jews love Chinese food. Go figure!” it tweaks the anomalies of American habit at which ethnic comics are rightly bemused.

[Sporkism]

I have been aware of the insanity of Armond White for quite a while now.

He really is awesomely retarded. I can basically judge whether I'll like or dislike a movie based on the opposite of whatever Armond White thinks.

I remember for a while he kept randomly comparing all these movies to Little Nicky like it was some kind of masterpiece.

[Sporkism]

If Armond White really was some kind of mastermind troll, he'd basically be the exact thing that Chris Psaros strives to be.

But until the day that's revealed, I guess we all have to assume he really does passionately love shitty movies and hate good ones.

[Sporkism]

durrrrr

He hates anything that's "dark" or "serious."

I was going to quote his review of Norbit to contrast the Dark Knight review, but then I realized you already did.

[Sporkism]

Here he inexplicably uses his review of Hellboy to talk about how much he loves The Ting Tings and their shitty music.

It also has a bonus Little Nicky reference! Two, actually.

Yep.