Another list... just because I feel like sharing

Triple Life > the uLtRa KeWl forum > Another list... just because I feel like sharing
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prosthetic forehead Presumably perfect. (10/17/01 4:43 pm)	Another list... just because I feel like sharing Guy's General Rules for Guys 1. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When your date is using her teeth. 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident. 6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move: you'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns. 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 10. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man (in fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional). 11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 12. While your girlfriend must bond with your friend's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry ladies, it's called a double standard and we drew the short straw on that one). 13. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one swoosh. 14. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 15. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that your feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 16. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 17. If a friend was accidentally over served and accidentally picks up a less than attractive female and takes her home, you have the duty to show up early the next morning to see how everyone is doing and snap a few pics. 18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 20. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'. 21. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers. 22. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan. 23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean. 25. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 26. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 27. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius? 28. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing, both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 29. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; hang up if necessary. 30. When a friend is trying to hook you up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid either. 31. You cannot rat out a co-worker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.
StupidMike The Prince of Primates (10/17/01 5:40 pm)	Re: Another list... just because I feel like sharing That sounds like a list for retarded, masochistic fucking frat boys. Gay Gay Gay. I am so lonely. Edited by: Ace Kendo at: 10/17/01 7:03:31 pm
Ace Kendo I picked the one I can't have. It is a temporary problem. (10/17/01 7:04 pm)	Re: Another list... just because I feel like sharing That was posted somewhere else, or else I got it as an e-mail forward. Most of that is true. The reason why the web still stands (excluding porn):
The Vinny Mac Official TL Slut (10/17/01 7:39 pm)	Re: Another list... just because I feel like sharing Jesus fucking Christ.
JebusofNazareth They found me. Under a stump. Nursing a chipmunk. (10/17/01 7:47 pm)	on a stick. What it calls Knowledge is not a union with the not-Self, but a set of Prejudices, habits, and Desires, making an impenetrable veil between us and the world beyond. The man who finds pleasure in such a theory of Knowledge is like a man who never leaves the domestic circle for fear his word might not be law.
StupidMike The Prince of Primates (10/17/01 8:25 pm)	Re: on Bah!
Zapd Bloo Ma Petite Salope (10/17/01 9:01 pm)	hehe Ditto.
ImmortalBubbles Tasty, er, Tastefyl! (10/17/01 9:59 pm)	Re: hehe Half those rules became false when I realized all my friends hate sports.
Ace Kendo I picked the one I can't have. It is a temporary problem. (10/17/01 10:14 pm)	Re: hehe You aren't a man, then. I believe that list actually is from Maxim. Yes, it is. I have the issue too. The reason why the web still stands (excluding porn):
ImmortalBubbles Tasty, er, Tastefyl! (10/17/01 11:41 pm)	Re: hehe By definition, I am a man. I have a penis and over 13 years of age. I see nothing about how long you can talk to the phone with your girlfriend in Webster's.
CP Probably Zapd (10/17/01 11:46 pm)	SUPER GAY NIGGER I agree with Mike. This is a gay gay gay list about boring, everyday American men who I don't identify with at all. I MEAN, I LIKE SPORTS (some sports), but gay.
JewBagelDopeMan Best Bum Ever (10/18/01 1:51 am)	Re: SUPER GAY NIGGER I'm going to have to agree. GAY
Utils Dr. LUV (10/18/01 7:15 am)	Re: SUPER GAY NIGGER It WAS in maxim. I no longer have the issue so I can't scan it. Oh well.
prosthetic forehead Presumably perfect. (10/18/01 9:29 am)	Re: SUPER GAY NIGGER heehee
Outland Probably Zapd (10/18/01 12:28 pm)	Um You are all losers.
CP Probably Zapd (10/18/01 12:58 pm)	Yeah And you're a winner.
ImmortalBubbles Tasty, er, Tastefyl! (10/18/01 5:13 pm)	Re: Yeah No, he's a playa, bitch.
JewBagelDopeMan Best Bum Ever (10/18/01 11:08 pm)	Re: Yeah Just another addition to the long list of reasons why OUTLAND = GAY.
Zapd Bloo Ma Petite Salope (10/18/01 11:21 pm)	Probably Zapd BUT NOT TODAY BABY. Hell no!