Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Ryoko's Biatch]

The Black Judge sits in the center of a dark room. A light bulb hangs above his head, shining light only on him and his chair. Then footsteps echo out as a figure is barely lit up.

"It's been a long time, Judge."

"I should have known you were behind this, Prometheus."

Prometheus Jones takes a few more steps into the light. His massive muscles are covered by a dress shirt and tie. He smiles slightly. "That's no way to treat an old war buddy, Judge."

"What do you want from me?"

"I just invited you here so we could have a talk."

"Invited? That's what you call sending armed soldiers after me?"

"Sorry if they were a little rough with you, but we've got a serious situation here and only you can get us out of it."

Turning his head away from Prometheus' gaze, the Black Judge thinks. He still respected Jones and saw him as a friend, but recently Jones had been expecting more and more favors. Finally, the Judge returns eye contact. "I'm retired from the Blackland Special Forces. You're not my commander anymore and I don't have to take orders from you or anyone else."

"You will take these orders, I know it." A projector screen lowers from the ceiling and is lit up with a map of Chesapeake Bay. "Judge, listen up. It all went down five hours ago. Heavily armed goons occupied Shadow Jesus Island, a remote island in the Chesapeake Bay."

"What goons?"

"Next-Generation Special Goons led by a man calling himself the White Skull. He's presented Booker T. Washington, D.C., with a single demand, and they say if it isn't met, they'll launch a nuclear weapon."

"A nuclear weapon?"

"I'm afraid so. You see, the island is the site of a secret bunker created for the Secret President in the case of a full scale nuclear war. And that's not all. He's enlisted the aid of the Magnificent Seven."

"The Magnificent Seven hijacking a nuclear weapon?"

"Now you understand how serious the situation is. Your mission objective is to investigate whether or not the terrorists have the ability to launch a nuclear strike and stop them if they do. Any questions, Judge?'

The Black Judge lets out a short laugh. "Questions? I haven't even said whether I'd accept this mission."

"Well, you can make up your mind after you hear more about the situation."

"Tell me about the Secret President's bunker."

"After Secret President Roosevelt was revived following his cousin's death, the Cold War was just beginning. In preparation for a possible war with the Russians, this bunker was built. When Josef Stalin officially 'died', he had used black magic to grant himself the strength of every man who died in his gulags, making him nearly invincible. The bunker was redesigned to resist even an invasion by Secret Party Chairman Stalin, so we can't tell what's going on inside."

"So someone needs to penetrate, gather intelligence and report back ... Sounds like a spy movie. What's the insertion method?"

"Our scientists built a jet-powered motorcycle that will ramp several miles into the air and land on the island. You don't have to worry about being shot down since most of the bunker's defenses are powerless and the small size of the bike will make detection unlikely."

"A jet-powered motorcycle?"

"They were going to do something with a submarine, but I thought this would be cooler."

"Anyone going with me?"

"As usual, this is a one-man infiltration mission."

"Weapons and equipment OSP?"

"Yes. Too much weight will affect the trajectory of your motorcycle."

"So what exactly are they demanding?"

"A person's remains."

"Remains?"

"That's right. To be more accurate, cell specimens which contain the individual's genomic information."

"Cell specimens? Why would they want that?"

"Because of who the cells belong to."

"Who?"

"The man they call the greatest warrior of the twentieth century."

"You don't mean ... ?"

"That's right ... James Brock McHarris."

"So his body was recovered after all."

"That's the problem, Judge. It never was and all samples of his genomic information were destroyed in the apocalypse."

"So what are we going to do?"

"You're going to do the only thing you can; Kill them all."

[Big Fagot]

Shadow Jesus Island tickled my funnybone.

[Vinny]

Oh shit!

[Ryoko's Biatch]

"What was that shot your scientists gave me earlier?" The Black Judge straddles the jet-powered motorcycle and revs the engine.

Prometheus Jones looks over to a short black man in thick glasses who steps forward. "We invented nanomachines that allow us to communicate with you and monitor your vital signs."

"Nanomachines?"

The scientist adjusts his glasses smugly, "That's right. They're tiny machines the size of a cell. They'll broadcast a radio signal directly into your ears and will also transmit your voice back to us when you need to consult or appraise us on the situation."

"Remember, Judge," Prometheus says, "This is a sneaking mission, so you'll have no back-up. If you're in trouble, we won't be able to rescue you."

"Great," the Judge mumbles.

"You won't be all on your own, though. There will be a team here who can provide important information for your mission. You can contact them by pressing the select button."

"Got it, Prometheus. Anything else you can tell me before I go?"

"Good luck, Judge."

Walking away from the launch pad, Jones waves the rest of the crew back to headquarters. He can already feel the strength of youth leaving his body. It won't be much longer until he's a shriveled old man. Every day it becomes harder for him to power up, otherwise he'd go on the mission himself.

The jet-bike bucks between the Judge's legs as a sonic boom erupts from the engine, the power exploding the concrete under the wheels. As he closes in on the ramp, he realizes that this is fucking ridiculous.

[Servbot]

Haha, the select button! God this is good shit.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

The jet-powered motorcycle spins out of control because it was sub-contracted to Chinese immigrants. The Black Judge holds on as tightly as he can, trying to use his body weight to right the vehicle. His body twisting and turning, his face contorts from the strain.

"Damn, this isn't good," he says.

As the bike falls to the earth, the Judge realizes he's going to have to abandon it and hope for a safe fall into the cold water of the Chesapeake Bay. He puts his feet against the seat and pushes away, diving into the water.

The surface is like a brick wall, knocking the wind out of him. Ignoring the pain and oxygen deprivation, he treads water until he regains control of his body. Spitting out water, he hits the select button to call Prometheus on the codec.

"Well, that went about as well as I expected."

"Judge, I can hear water splashing in the background. Are you on the island?"

"Almost. So tell me about the Magnificent Seven. I thought McHarris killed them all."

"Yes, the original Magnificent Seven were murdered by James Brock McHarris prior to the apocalypse."

"The original Magnificent Seven?"

"That's right, Judge. A new group was put together in the late 80s and early 90s after most of the first Magnificent Seven had died or retired from active duty. Secret President Roosevelt only trusted the first group to take down McHarris because of their familiarity with McHarris' tactics."

"That went well, obviously."

"It's easy to criticize in retrospect, Judge, but it was sound reasoning at the time. No one realized that even at McHarris' advanced age he was still such a formidable fighter. It's no wonder this new group wants his genomic information."

"So who is in this new Magnificent Seven?"

"You can check the briefing files by pressing Start to enter the menu screen and selecting 'Briefing File: Magnificent Seven.'"

"Got it, Prometheus."

"One more thing, Judge. The leader of this new Magnificent Seven ..."

"What?"

"We don't know much about him other than he seems to be inhumanly strong. We were able to recover files on all of the other members, but we don't even know their leader's name. Be careful if you encounter him.

"Good luck, Judge."

As he closes the codec, the Black Judge climbs out of the water and onto the icy shore of Shadow Jesus Island. Crawling up a hill, he pulls out a pair of binoculars and surveys the guards at the entrance to the bunker. Zooming in, he sees a man in a suit and tie addressing the two guards in white camouflage who stand in salute. Stepping through the doors, the mysterious man steps into an elevator that lowers deep into the bunker.

"Hhn. He must be the leader of the Magnificent Seven. Prometheus said to avoid him, but for some reason, I feel like I need to fight him. Who could he be?"

[Ryoko's Biatch]

The Black Judge crouches and then lies stomach down in the thin layer of snow. Crawling slowly toward the entrance to the bunker, he watches the two guards and their patrol patterns. When both are turned away from him, he returns to his feet and runs toward the entrance before hiding behind a conveniently placed truck.

"!"

One of the guards sees a set of footprints and walks cautiously toward them, but when he turns the corner around the truck, his neck is snapped.

The other guard hears his comrade's death rattle. "What was that?" He follows the noise. All he finds is a clothesline out of the darkness as he hits the ground hard. Before he has a chance to react, he finds his head between the Judge's legs.

"No! No! Noooooooo!"

And then every bone in his body shatters from A FUCKING POWERBOMB.

Just then the Judge's codec rings.

"Judge, you're going to need a key card to enter the bunker," Prometheus' voice rings out.

"How do I get one of those?"

"The guards should have one. If you hold them up, you should be able to get them to hand theirs over to you."

"Hhn."

"What's wrong, Judge?"

"Nothing." The Black Judge quickly closes the codec. "Fuck, this sucks." Then the door to the bunker explodes into shrapnel.

"YOU PUNK. YOU FAG. YOU GAY WORSE THAN MICHAEL JACKSON!"

SUDDENLY A MASSIVE FIST CATCHES THE BLACK JUDGE IN HIS FACE AND SENDS HIM ROLLING ALONG THE GROUND. He catches himself and slides on his knees to a stop. He looks up to see a giant Persian.



"The boss told me all about you, Black Judge. I will never respect you, you punk! You fag!"

"Who the hell are you?" The Judge wipes a small amount of blood from his lips.

"I am the Iron Sheik!"

Shit, the Judge thinks to himself. "I didn't think I'd be meeting one of the Magnificent Seven so soon."

"It was great honor to be named for Magnificent Seven. But you are another faggot son of bitch, no good low-life. I want you to know that you are punk, you are fag, you are punk little gay. It was great feeling, I have a lot of respect for them. I don't like you, I don't like your attitude. You are punk. You are fag worse than Michael Jackson."

Standing on his feet, the Black Judge starts to laugh. "You said that already."

"I WILL PUT YOU IN MY CAMEL CLUTCH, BREAK YOUR BACK AND FUCK YOUR ASS TO MAKE YOU HUMBLE!"

[Big Fagot]

Use BBcode, you fool!

[Ryoko's Biatch]

The Iron Sheik falls to his knees defeated after an epic battle. "Perhaps ... the boss was wrong about you," he says, looking at his bloodied hands.

"The boss?" the Black Judge asks.

"You and the boss, you are very much alike. I had never met a man like him until you."

"Who is your boss?"

Collapsing onto his back, the Iron Sheik smiles as blood runs down his face. "I am an old man. For many years I would not give up because the younger generation was faggots, gays, and they needed to be humbled. But no matter how many gays I fucked in their ass and humbled, I felt emptiness deep in my soul. Maybe this is what I was hoping for all along ... You have humbled me."

The Black Judge is confused and disgusted by the pathetic display.

After a fit of coughing, the Sheik smiles again. "I see that look in your eye, Black Judge. It makes an old man happy to see a young man without compassion for a dying man. These days, it is so rare. Knowing there are men like you still in this weak world, I can die in peace."

"Who is the leader of the Magnificent Seven?" the Black Judge yells.

"He took over just before the world ended. This new world, Black Judge, you must lead it with strength and without mercy. These punks, these gays worse than Michael Jackson ... I will help you. Take this key card, it will open the locked door. You will find him, he is waiting for you."

The Black Judge grabs the key card and walks toward the door. It slides open, but before he can step through a death rattle stops him.

"I was wrong before, you do have compassion. Give the rest of this world your justice. Jesus Christ have mercy on my soul." The Iron Sheik's body turns to sand and blows away.

The codec beeps and Prometheus' voice asks, "Compassion? You just left the man to die. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"He wanted the pain. It's the only way those old warriors know they're alive. Isn't that how you want to go?"

"I've never allowed myself to get so drunk with blood, Judge. Only the profoundly sick live for pain. Only men like McHarris."

"..."

"You've lost yourself in the murder. You used to fight for justice, but sometimes I'm not sure you even believe in it yourself anymore. Don't let the world my generation created change who I know you are inside. You have to forge your own destiny."

"Destiny?" The Black Judge remembers the Nazi doctor's revelation. Am I really doomed to become the man I hate? Have I already?

"Remember, we're not slaves to our genes. It's up to us to make our future."

The codec's signal cuts off as the Judge descends a stairway into bowels of the bunker. The thick concrete filled with a layer of lead was designed to break up any transmission in or out of the building. He was on his own.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

The Black Judge trudges waist deep in black water. The tunnel is dark, only lighted every 50 feet by a single low-wattage light bulb. There seems to be no end in sight and the resistance and weight of the water is slowly tiring his legs. Finally he gives in and starts swimming, the thought of getting dirty water in his mouth overpowered by his desire to get out of the dank sewer.

AND THEN A GODDAMN CROCODILE ATTACKS HIM.

The Judge barely rolls out of the croc's massive maw and then grips its neck in a headlock. He smirks and says, "See you later, alligator," just before snapping its neck.

"Crikey, mate, it's a croc, you idiot!"

"Who the hell said that?"



THE CROCODILE HUNTER THROWS A CROCODILE AT THE BLACK JUDGE, WHO CATCHES IT AND STARTS ROLLING AROUND IN THE FUCK SWAMP FIGHTING THE BEAST.

"It was humans like you who ruined this planet, Black Judge," the Crocodile Hunter says solemnly. "This beautiful planet was destroyed because none of you cared enough. Everything I ever worked for ..."

The Black Judge opens the crocodile's mouth as far as possible until its jaw breaks and the head rips in two.

"I'm trying to save the world," he says, "We should be on the same side!"

"You don't understand, you never could." The Crocodile Hunter turns his body away from the Black Judge. "Humans ... Most other animals find their niche and fight to protect it. All people have done is fight to expand their niche at the expense of all other forms of life. I'd say we finally got what we deserved when the apocalypse happened, mate, but all of the environmental damage pushed nearly every species of wildlife in America to extinction."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"You're part of it all and you don't even see! When the boss takes over, we'll finally have a world where all forms of life are treated equally!"

"Don't you realize that you'll be killing millions of people with this nuclear strike?"

"They damn well deserve it! It's about time they paid for their carelessness with nature. I tried to use the Magnificent Seven's political influence to show them how wonderful the animal kingdom is, but all I got was mockery! Every person my animals killed deserved what they got!"

"You've gone mad!"

"This whole world has gone mad! It's time for the animals to rule this planet and make it sane!"

"Then I'm going to have to stop you, whatever it takes."

"In Australia, guns are legal for hunting and killing wildlife," the Crocodile Hunter looks the Black Judge directly in the eyes. "I've never supported hunting, but I'll always support the right to BEAR ARMS!"

"Wha --?" THE BLACK JUDGE IS FUCKING CUT OFF BY TWO BEARS BREAKING THROUGH THE CONCRETE WALLS AND LEAPING ON HIM. THE THREE BODIES THRASH ABOUT IN THE WATER, WHICH TURNS RED WITH BLOOD.

The Crocodile Hunter watches, laughing maniacally.

[GimpMask]

THE CROCODILE HUNTER THROWS A CROCODILE AT THE BLACK JUDGE, WHO CATCHES IT AND STARTS ROLLING AROUND IN THE FUCK SWAMP FIGHTING THE BEAST.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

TWO FUCKING BEAR ARMS SPLASH OUT OF THE WATER, SMASHING THE CROCODILE HUNTER IN HIS EARS AND DROPPING HIM OFF HIS FEET.

Slinging the arms over his shoulder, the Black Judge looks down at the floating Crocodile Hunter. "I've killed a bear with my bare hands before, what made you think you COULD FUCK WITH ME?" HE STARTS SLAPPING THE AUSTRALIAN CONSERVATIONIST WITH THE CLAWS OF THE BEAR ARMS, BACK AND FORTH UNTIL THE CROC HUNTER IS A BLOODY MESS.

"Had enough?"

The Crocodile Hunter stands up and wipes the blood from his face, which is quickly replaced by even more blood. "Did you think I was out of animals? There are dozens of the most poisonous snakes on Earth swimming in this water."

"What!?"

"And only I have the anti-venom." The Crocodile Hunter starts laughing again. "SAY GOODBYE, MATE!"

Suddenly the snakes start biting into the Black Judge's legs and within seconds he starts to lose feeling all over his body. He stumbles, but quickly rights himself. "I won't die until I've killed every single one of you. Everyone who mocked justice. I find you GUILTY!"

"I'm impressed, Judge," the Crocodile Hunter says with his arms crossed. "Most men would be dead by now, but you still only have seconds to live. Your ridiculous notions of 'justice' will die with you and we'll be one step closer to a world dominated by--"

The Crocodile Hunter looks down to see an elbow buried in his sternum. He freezes as he watches the mad grin of the Black Judge, who with his free hand grabs the anti-venom and drinks it. Then he smashes the vial and punches the Crocodile Hunter in the face, sending him flying into the wall of the sewer.

"You can't fight without your faggot animals," he says, pulling glass from his hand while still grinning.

"Don't ... Don't kill me!" The Crocodile Hunter pleads, but the rest of his body can't move. "I've seen the error of my ways!"

"This isn't murder, it's an execution. Oh, and by the way, Ray, this might sting."

"What? My name is Steve."

AND THEN THE BLACK JUDGE PULLS A STINGRAY OUT OF THE WATER AND ITS TAIL PIERCES THE CROCODILE HUNTER'S HEART, INJECTING IT WITH LETHAL POISON.

"Geh, heh ... Looks like you killed me good, mate." The Crocodile Hunter spits up blood. "It looks like your ideology won this round. Maybe I was wrong all along to hate humanity when there are people as dedicated to justice as you. That's all I really wanted; Justice for the animals."

Clapping echoes through the cramped sewer. "Moving speech, Steve. Still, it's not enough to keep your Magnificent Seven membership from being revoked ... permanently." The man in shadow pulls out a gun, holds it sideways and pulls the trigger, sending a bullet through Steve Irwin's brain, ending the conservationist's suffering.

The Black Judge strains to see through the darkness. "Are you the boss?"

The man leaps onto a jet ski and roars away.

[GimpMask]

[Mautty]

That is so awesome and fucked up at the same time.
_________________

[Ryoko's Biatch]

It seems like the tunnel will never end, but slowly the riderless jet ski comes into view. Muddy footprints lead up a set of stairs.

*RING RING*

"Judge, are you there?"

"Prometheus," the Black Judge says, mildly surprised. "The Crocodile Hunter is dead."

"Yeah, I figured he'd be in the sewers when I saw the bunker plans." Prometheus pauses. "Have you learned anything new?"

"He didn't give me any info on the boss, but I think the boss killed him."

"What?"

"Before the Crocodile Hunter could tell me anything, someone killed him. I didn't see who it was."

"Damn."

"No kidding. But I think he's just ahead."

"Go catch him now, Judge. We might be able to stop that nuclear launch yet."

The codec closes and the Black Judge ascends the staircase. As soon as he reaches the top, he's pistol whipped, breaking his nose. Then he's shoulder tackled into the wall and dozens of punches land repeatedly in his gut. Unhurt, he pushes his attacker to the floor. But before he can see his assailant, a spin kick lands on the left side of his face and a punch on the other. The Black Judge falls down and the first attacker starts kicking him in the ribs.

"What now, bitch? You can't fuck with the Seven!"

[Ryoko's Biatch]

For the remainder of this story, I won't be using pictures because I'm lazy.

Two sets of massive arms lift the Black Judge to his feet while the thin man who had been kicking walks over to a golden throne and sits down. As he turns, a diamond stud shines from his nose. Tupac Shakur pulls out a blunt and lights it.

"Did the Crocodile Hunter take that much out of you, or are you just a pussy mothafucka?"

The Black Judge spits blood through stained red teeth and then grins. "I just wanted to see what your goons were capable of before I sentenced them to death." Swinging his arms together, the two men holding him up smash skulls, sending blood and teeth spraying out. As the two bodies fall apart, he charges through them toward Tupac, who just sits and smiles while an arm wraps around the Black Judge and DDTs him hard to the tile floor.

"Allow me to introduce Jake the Snake," Tupac exhales weed smoke.

The Black Judge tries to rise, but then an ax kick slams his head down, cracking the tile underneath.

"And Chris Farley."

*RING RING*

"Shit, Judge, this is bad."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"Jake the Snake and Chris Farley are the two most physically powerful of the Seven. That they'd send both at once means the Boss really wants you dead."

"Glad to see they're sending out the welcome wagon. Do they have any weaknesses."

"Besides both being notorious drug addicts? None that I know of. Jake the Snake used to have problems with his back, but since then, due to his massive drug use, his blood has converted to a mixture of opiates and cocaine, making him immune to pain and possibly immortal."

"Shit."

"Chris Farley went under rigorous training by Shaolin monks while preparing for his role in Beverly Hills Ninja. And besides that, he gains power by snorting cocaine, so using their drug problems against them wouldn't be wise."

"So you just thought you'd call to tell me I'm going to die?"

"Yeah, this codec thing is pretty cool. I'm going to have to start using it more."

During this conversation, the two drug-fueled behemoths pummel the Black Judge at supersonic speed, their movements merely blurs to the untrained eye. Even the Black Judge had a hard time keeping up. He feels his jaw shatter.

"F-fuckk this ..." he spits out, and then stomps his foot through the tile, sending a shard flying. Straining his muscles, he grips the shard in his teeth and slashes his head, ripping Jake the Snake's carotid artery.

Jake leaps back and grabs his throat. A white substance leaks between his fingers. "Geh heh. Cut me all you want, you can't kill me."

"F-fu ..."

"Can't talk with that broken jaw?" Roberts laughs. "Are you trying to say 'fuck you'?"

"F-fu ..."

Jake Roberts can't control his laughter until he sees glowing red eyes and then he pauses dead. "Fuck me."

"F-fu ... Farley ..."

Chris Farley stomps the ground. "I've seen a lot of stuff in my life ..."

Jake the Snake takes a step back, fear filling his heart with crack rocks. "No, no ..."

"BUT THAT ... WAS ... AWESOME!"

FARLEY FUCKING LEAPS THROUGH THE AIR AND STABS HIS NOSE INTO JAKE ROBERTS' NECK AND SNORTS, THIS FAT TORSO EXPANDING WITH AIR AND COKE. JAKE'S EYES ROLL BACK AS HIS BODY IS CONVERTED TO A WITHERED HUSK. AS WHAT IS LEFT OF JAKE THE SNAKE HITS THE FLOOR AND SHATTERS INTO WHITE POWDER, CHRIS FARLEY TURNS AROUND AND GROWS TWELVE FEET.

A massive fist smashes the floor where the Black Judge had been standing, but he leaps clear at the last moment.

"You still fucked, white boy!" Tupac yells out.[/i]

[Ryoko's Biatch]

A MASSIVE EXPLOSION ROCKS THE ENTIRE SECRET BUNKER, CAUSING AN EARTHQUAKE SENDING TSUNAMIS HITTING BOOKER T. WASHINGTON, D.C., AND GOING THROUGH THE ATLANTIC OCEAN, KILLING MILLIONS IN PORTUGAL, SPAIN AND AFRICA.

The Black Judge covers his face with an arm. The entire room is coated in white powder.

Tupac wipes the cocaine from his face. "Oh shit." When he stands, the powdery remains of Chris Farley snow down from his throne. Pulling a gun from his waist, he empties an entire clip into the Black Judge, throwing him to the ground.

"Fake ass nigga, let's see you get up from that shit."

The Judge's prone figure stirs and then slowly stands up. As Tupac's eyes widen in horror, the Black Judge rips off his cloak and shirt, revealing five bullet scars along with the bloody holes in his chest. One hand reaches into a hole and pulls the bullet out, then flicks it with one finger, sending the projectile through Tupac's knee. Tupac hobbles toward a door when an uppercut sends his head flying off into a garbage can.


Mike Tyson
-- Ryan Rockett

"The boss is here to talk to you."

An elevator door opens up behind Tyson and the Black Judge is shocked by what -- who -- he sees. The man smiles.

"Nice to finally see you again, John."

[Ryoko's Biatch]

"John, you seem a little surprised," the man in the elevator says. "Don't tell me you don't recognize me."

The man looked exactly like the Black Judge, but with blond hair.

"Are you wondering who I am? I'm the enigmatic boss you were looking for." The man places a cigarette in his mouth and then cups the flame of his lighter with one hand. A puff of smoke wraps around the hand. "Well, don't just stand there. Get inside and we can talk on the way up. Michael, you wait here, we need some private time."

The Black Judge walks into the elevator, a look of suspicion on his face. He decides to find out what his mirror image wants. The man pushes a button on the elevator and the doors closes.

"So ... This is a bit of an awkward reunion. Especially since you don't know who the hell I am and your jaw is a bag of bone shards. In that case, I'll excuse you for not asking my name. It's Joseph Bruce McCarthy."

The Black Judge's eyes go wide.

"So, do you see now, brother?"

Grabbing McCarthy by his collar, the Black Judge slams him against the wall of the elevator. McCarthy only laughs and kicks his brother against the opposite wall. Rising to his feet, the Black Judge throws punches, but McCarthy easily slaps each blow to the side before finally grabbing his brother's wrists.

"I'm not surprised you attacked me. Us McHarrises are notoriously violent." The elevator bell rings and the door opens, revealing a frozen landscape. McCarthy says, "This is our stop," and then throws the Black Judge face first into the snow.

The Black Judge tries to push himself up but feels a boot push him back down. Then a hand grips his hair and pulls him up to his knees. "Remember me?" The face looking him in the eyes is a ivory skull. "Remember vhat you did to mein face?"

The Black Judge is visibly confused.

"JOHANN SCHMITT! THE SCIENTIST! YOU RUINED MY FACE!"

The Black Judge nods slightly and then headbutts the White Skull in the forehead, cracking it open and exposing his brains to the cold air. The White Skull staggers and then falls down dead.

"Good work, brother!" McCarthy claps and laughs. "I was going to kill that imbecile myself, but I had hoped he would lure you to me. He was the one who told me that you were still alive after the apocalypse. I guess I should have figured out that you were the Black Judge. Some brother I am, eh?

"Well, brother, John, I have an offer for you. Join me and we will finally achieve the Will of McHarris. We'll murder everything."

[Ryoko's Biatch]

The Black Judge shoulder blocks McCarthy, but gets ax-handled to the ground. A kick to the face knocks him onto his back.

"You're not listening, are you? Don't you feel the Will of McHarris coursing through your blood? The violence burns within you. That's why you kill, not some insane belief in law and order. You just need to justify your desire to kill because of our mother tainted you."

"D-don't ... you dare ... say that a ..."

"About our mother?" McCarthy asks, amused. "I'll give her credit for being the only woman to ever survive a raping by our father, but she ruined my brother. Let me tell you the story of our family, so that you'll understand.

"The very first McHarris was Saint Patrick. The story of him being benevolent or whatever the fuck is a lie. He powerbombed every snake in Ireland into the ocean because humans were no longer a challenge to his power. Before that, he killed his father, the bishop, and claimed the title so that he could use the power of the church to set up fights with the other diocese.

"Our grandfather, Ramathorn McHarris, fought for the British in World War I out of a desire to kill the Germans, the most powerful race in Europe. In his final battle, his entire regiment was wiped out and he fought over one thousand German soldiers single-handedly, using his fully loaded rifle as a bludgeon. He killed 988 of them before his arms and legs fell off from over-exertion.

"And I don't need to tell you about the legendary exploits of our father. James Brock McHarris fought a god, the only being capable of killing him. Don't you see? We have the potential of surpassing all of them. Each more powerful and terrifying the last and WE CAN BE THE MOST HORRIBLE OF THEM ALL."

The Black Judge wipes the blood from his face and stands on wobbly legs. "This ... is all ... a lie."

McCarthy closes his eyes, shakes his head and waves his index finger. "You believe the story that imbecile told you? That we're clones of McHarris? That's the official government story, but our father nearly raped our mother to death. She was at the base where the Super Soldier tests were being conducted and was in the wrong place at the right time. Our father's ultimate sperm impregnated her even though she wasn't ovulating at the time. The government hid all this so McHarris would never find out about us and try to murder his sons as the greatest human opponents he could hope to find.

"Instead, Secret President Roosevelt decided to perform an experiment. When we were born, you were allowed to be raised by our mother while I was trained to become the real Super Soldier. One that he thought he could control. McHarris couldn't be tamed by anyone or anything. Meanwhile, they monitored your progress to see if being raised in a peaceful environment would make you a pussy.

"And they were pleasantly surprised. You were outwardly a nice boy, but a blood-thirsty monster dwelled within you. In high school you were the star quarterback and even in that position, you crippled several opposing players. You even killed a few and broke a teammate's arms in practice. And as a prosecutor, you beat the head DA into a coma for giving a murderer a plea bargain. And you wonder why you never were arrested? Secret President Roosevelt made sure you stayed out of jail. I was too much of a loose cannon like our father, but he thought you would follow orders.

"Fortunately, D'Lo killed him and now here we are."

[Vinny]

This is very cool.