Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Magic Juan]

"With the Rawk Stone, I'll have another wrestler in my stable and have a bodyguard in case Kanzaki tries anything at the next next PPV" Hoity Von Toity says, wrapping some cigar tobacco on his desk in 500 dollar bills.

"Toity, are we wise manipulating Axelrod with the Rawk stone? I thought Caligula was a fool to be using that sickly, deranged piece of shit" Artemis says, pacing back and forth across Toity's opulent office.

"Bah, as long as we use the Rawk Stone, we're able to control the rockatricity within the guitar, which in turn controls Axelrod. The greatest thing about this is, is that the mind control is completely voluntary! Axelrod is so subservient to that stupid guitar that he's practically flung himself into the Rawk Stone and my control. Everyone knows that the only reason rock and roll exists is because of the money behind it, and I'm guessing that the Rawk Stone is made of richonium, which is why I think I'll be able to control Axelrod much better then Caligula ever did" and with that, Toity takes his money cigar and lights it, taking big fat puffs and slowly William McKinley's face turns a dark shade of ash black. "Ahh, it's nice to have a stash of old American currency for me to dip into from time to time..."

"I don't know...from what we've seen of Axelrod it doesen't seem like money would just be able to control him Toity...God, what's that damn smell?" Atlas says and looks around the room. Hoity raises his cigar inquisitively, but Artemis just shakes his head.

Suddenly, a large guitar wail can be heard emanating from outside the office's door. A solo so blistering fast and powerful, causing Toity and Artemis to feel their blood pressure rising with every flurry of notes.

The neck of a guitar slashes through the diamond door, causing bits of diamond to fly and splinter everywhere, and Axelrod's face with three cigarettes in his mouth and blood red eyes in a malevolent stare. "Heeeeeeeeere's Axelrod!!!" he says in a raspy tar filtered voice. He jumps through the door and stands in front of Charles Artemis and Toity, his trenchcoat hanging off his extremely limp and skinny bones, his emaciated jaw hanging at an impossible angle.

"God, he...he smells terrible" Toity says, grimacing.

Artemis begins, "The guitar has given him some...interesting side effects. We know that he hasn't been addicted to heroin since he was 15, but all of a sudden his body has began to crave massive amounts of the narcotic. He went a few days without the drug, only to start gaining tons of weight and losing his muscle amss, so we began giving him methadone and it's worked as an effective substitute. Still, all his trackmarks have reappeared and began to leak some kind of disgusting fluid" he gestures at the floor, where pools of green have began to form near where his hands hang out of his trenchcoat. "He still is in amazing form; however, since he's about 100 pounds of pure muscle."

Toity stares at Axelrod in disgust. He slowly runs his hand against the Rawk Stone and for a second it seems as if Axelrod's eyes glow a bit of a brighter red.

"Your job is to deliver the Republic of Guitar Solos to me, Axelrod. After that, I expect you to return in time for the PPV, where you need to represent the new formed FTUW in terms of murderous carnage" Toity says, pushing an ashtray towards Axelrod. "Also, only I am allowed to smoke in my office" he says.

Axelrod continues grinning eerily. "My emperor, my God incarnate, it would be my most inner desire to help the sovereign nation of the Republic of Guitar solos become the newest colony of Nouveau-Richonia. I shall also extinguish these cigarettes, and I am so sorry for displeasing my lordship..." Axelrod says. Instead of extinguishing the cigarettes in the ashtray however, Axelrod rolls his trenchoat sleeve up, and takes the three cigarettes, extinguishing them in a diagonal line on his fucking arm. He doesen't flinch as his flesh releases a quick hiss as the cigarettes die out, and then he eats the butts to make sure that they don't litter Toity's office. He then holds up his arm, the acronym FTUW burnt completely across his arm down to his wrist, up to Toity. "I am dedicated to only you, Hoity Von Toity..." he says before playing another rocking chord on his guitar and jumping out the window.

The other two stare at each other in disbelief.

"Get the door and window replaced immediately, Artemis" Toity says, and Charles nods and leaves the room.

[Magic Juan]

Axelrod stands outside the gates of Page City, the capital of the Republic of Guitar Solos. The city seems to have improved with Caligula's demise, the town looking like it has rebuilt somewhat from the tortures and atrocities Caligula waged upon its people. Axelrod steps through the gate, a Stone Cold Wife Ashtray fresh in mouth, when a man with a gun, standing at the gate stops him.

"Sorry buddy, there's no smoking in capital city Gore" the man says politely.

Axelrod stares at him with his unnerving red eyes and slowly plucks the cigarette out of his mouth, putting it out under his boot. Gore? He think. This has always been Page City since the FTUpocalypse.

"You're going to have to pick that up sir, no littering is allowed in Gore city. Please think of the children" he drones on monotonously. The man wears extremely bland clothing with a red sash over him, the letters PMRC emblazoned over it.

Axelrod continues to stare at him, when suddenly, when he hears "Please think of the children" he starts to feel a bit ashamed, his face turning red. Without thinking about it, he picks the butt up and flicks it out of the city. The man nods back at him and then vacantly continues staring out of the city gates. Axelrod continues into the town, guitar on his back as he looks through the city. This is so abnormally strange...everything here looks so sterilized. Axelrod realizes that he doesen't even so much as see any children running around, but simply empty eyed adults walking all over the place. He notices a man in beggars clothing lying against an old communist center. Feeling an affinity for some shit-piece dressed in shit who smells like shit, he walks over to the old man. The beggar, feeling an UNNATURAL cold fall over his face, groans and shifts over, removing the magazine from his face. Axelrod gives him his unnerving stare.

“Why is the capital of the Republic of Guitar Solos renamed to Gore City?” Axelrod asks in a deadpan fashion.

The begger looks at him, his long dirty hair in mats, and immediately stands up and throws himself at Axelrod.

“Eeees, eees eeet jooo? Ahhh joooo zhe wan zey zpeak half?” the beggar asks, his German accent making him almost indescribable.

Axelrod responds, “Why is this city named Gore City?”

The begger frantically grips at Axelrod's shoulders. “Zhe mahn wiz zah geetar! Joo mahst free ahs! Zhey half taking ovah!!” the beggar cries, pointing at Axelrod's guitar. Suddenly, three men appear right behind Axelrod and the beggar.

“Howdy sir, is this ol' piece of riff raff bothering you? We can't let beggars be on our streets, why, just think of the children!” The man says matter of factly. “Come on beggar, we're going to take you in for a wash and a shave, the PMRC certainly has a place for you somewhere in Gore City. The beggar starts to scream as two men grab him off of Axelrod and start to drag him away.

“Noooo!!! Joo Mahst saaaave me! For zahhh splendah of Paage City!” the beggar screams as the men take him away. All of a sudden, the beggar raises one of his hands that isn't being restrained, and he flashes the ROCK ON SIGN at Axelrod. Axelrod says nothing. One of the men, annoyed, looks at the beggar and frowns.

“Now now, ever since Al and Tipper Gore came to this city and cleaned up the slime, we haven't allowed that sort of gesture at all, I mean shucks, just think of the children you dirty old man! Men, put him down and restrain him!” one of the three men exclaims. Axelrod watches as they stop carrying the beggar and make him kneel down.

The man begins, “By the bylaws passed in Gore City, we sentence you to the loss of the offending limb for crimes that contribute to the degeneration of society thereby making life worse for children” The man says loudly. He reveals a huge MACHETE from his fucking pocket holster (He had a pocket holster but you wouldn't really think anything of it considering some of the men wandering the city have guns and shit) and holds the beggar's hand up in the air. In one quick chop, he severs the beggars's hand from his wrist. The beggar howls in pain, and the three men drag him away.

A cold sweat drips down his back, when he realizes that he needs to give himself a methadone injection or else he'll start to tweak out. Hastily, he heads into a nearby building that looks like a restaurant.

Inside, he hurries to a table and sits down, placing his guitar on a table. Taking a needle out of one of his trenchcoat pockets, Axelrod clumsily sticks it into his arm. Shit...I can't find a vein... Axelrod continues to stab at himself, a wan fluid dripping out of trackmarks on his arms. Cold sweat begins to drip down his forehead and arms and he accidentally drops the needle onto the ground. Suddenly Axelrod can't remember where his cigarettes, where one would normally calm him down. Gore be damned, he needed something to steady his nerves. He goes to pick up the needle when someone standing in front of him picks up the needle and holds it in front of him.

"Hey sir, did you drop this?" says a fresh faced youth.

"..." Axelrod stares at him with his dark red eyes. Think about the children... the words echo in his mind.

"This looks important. You shouldn't be losing things like this, mister!" the youth begins to hand it back to Axelrod when he hears a scream and suddenly a lady runs over and takes the methadone needle out of the kid's hand and throws it away. Axelrod stares at the two helplessly, cold fluids dripping down all over his body.

Fuck, I need a goddamn fix...

“This man is giving drugs to a child! Get the guards immediately, he isn't thinking about the children at all! Quickly, someone please, get the guards!” The woman screams, and several of the town's guards storm into the restaurant with guns. “Oh the humanity, if a child sees someone with a needle, then they will want to know how a needle works, and then they will know all about the body's intravenous system, and the blood that flows through our veins! Then if children know that blood flows through their veins, they are going to want to put drugs into that blood, and then we'll have children on drugs running around, causing a chain reaction that will destroy all of society. Please, arrest this man!” She suddenly faints and falls backwards, two men getting out of their chairs to catch her.

Axelrod sits flabbergasted in a pool of sweat, his limbs shaking. The guards with guns come up to him, seizing his guitar from his back. Axelrod motions at them to try to stop them, but instead he vomits disgusting black bile all over the place. Patrons all over the restaurant stare in horror as the guards grab him by the shoulders. “Come with us, you're going to have a little meeting with Magistrate Boone.”

[Magic Juan]

Axelrod is dragged into a large office room with a huge desk in the middle and a small piano to the side of it. The guards of Gore city throw him in and surround him, each of them taking guns and pointing them right at Axelrod's head. A man standing behind the desk is holding a whip, and uses it to whip a black guy playing piano right next to him.

“Alright, let's do this. Child in Time take one...Oh sweet Child in Time, You'll see the line, the line that's drawn between...good and bad.” As the man sings, the black man plays the accompaniment on piano, slowly hitting out the chords. “Hmmm, that was good Fats, but uh, how do I say this, can you make the song sound whiter? You're hitting these soulful chords all over the place and Pat Boone doesn't just belt away like some melon John at the hootenanny (Incorrectly regarded as goof: Hootenanny is obviously a white thing but Pat Boone is retarded.)” the man says, and he raises his arm and whips the black guy really hard with his whip.

The guards push Axelrod with their guns into PAT BOONE's direction. Axelrod pisses himself, not because he's scared, but because as a rock star he doesn't understand the concept of indoor plumbing and is used to using newspaper to not only wipe his cock after pissing but to use it as a condom when on the road.

“Commissioner Boone, this man was found to be handing drugs to children at the local five and diner. We suspect him of being a rock and roll musician” one of the guards says, his anus tightly clenched.

“Is that so? I thought after the PMRC invaded Page City after the FTUpocalypse, that we had rid that shitty city of sin and music of any sort of vile rocker. Besides, everyone knows it isn't rock and roll until I sing it!” Pat Boone exclaims. If the reader had any sort of ESP, he would be able to discern that Pat Boone was currently thinking about ejaculating into Chuck Berry's hip bone.

Axelrod makes an outwardly motion for the first time and sort of jerks closer to the desk. “What kind of foolish shit have you done to this city? Jimmy Page is not a man who's name should be desecrated” Axelrod says softly, his body still weak from heroin withdrawal.

“Well, the PMRC has been looking to clean up the rock industry for a long time. The Republic of Guitar Solos was a den of thievery and bile after Caligula's reign, and since it was the site of many prominent musicians, in the name of the children we came here to clean up. No more will rock and rollers pollute the atmosphere with their “ill rhymes” and guitar licks. Soon we'll take care of the rest of rock and roll, and then ultimately get rid of that sinful FTUW, with their dastardly Viscerape group. God, they don't even pretend to sing fake black music!” Pat Boone yells, slamming his hand against the table. He turns around and uses his whip to hit Fats Domino again. “Play me a hymn nigger. In the name of Al Gore and Queen Gore, we are going to crucify this last rock and roll hero for the sake of children kind!” Boone says. The guards all draw their guns and advance on Axelrod.

“Fuck, a Stone Cold Wife Ashtray would be great right about now” Axelrod thinks.

[Magic Juan]

Von Toity is sitting in his office, with a plate of diamonds in front of him. Artemis is nervously pacing around in front of him.

"Any word from Axelrod?" Von Toity says, taking a packet of butter out and laying it all over the diamonds.

"No, my lord. Axelrod hasn't been heard of since he had the encounter with Pat Boone. We continue to search for his body" Artemis says, flexing his muscles solemnly.

Von Toity groans. While Callaghan is a worthwhile champion of his name, he thought having Axelrod around as a bodyguard would prevent any sort of vicious counterattack against him. He had noticed that the rawk stone had seemed unresponsive lately.

"Well then, call in Spector. If anything, I can still make a profit off of Axelrod's uh, benefactor" Von Toity says. He lifts one of the diamonds out of the bowl and swallows it whole (Hee hee hee).

Artemis nods and walks over to the door. He opens it, and an extremely Jewish guy with curly hair walks in.

"Gentiles, gentiles, I'm glad that you're finally forking over what's rightfully mine. Where is the Rawk stone?" Spector asks, wringing his tiny jewish hands.

Artemis and Toity both look at each other and nod.

"It's right here, Spector. But, I'm going to ask for at least twenty million dollars in Nazi Gold, just to make sure you seriously want it" Toity says, leaning back in his chair.

Spector looks curiously over at Toity.

"Nazi Gold? As a jewish man, I find that very insulting Toity. But, those Jews never bailed me out of my murder case, so I guess I'll admit that I have some Nazi gold. Schmegalas, bring it on over!" Spector yells. Three guys in fucking baggy sweatpants and collared shirts come in, dark stubble and dreadlocks their defining features. They're carrying tons of Nazi gold in a chest, and lay it at the foot of Toity. "There you go, some premium Nazi Gold, but oy, I want a receipt!" Spector says.

Toity nods. "Here's your receipt!" he says, and starts to dig in a drawer in his desk. Suddenly, Artemis turns around with a fucking gun and shoots Spector in the fucking heart. He jumps over and breaks the necks of all the athletic jews, ripping their shirts with Toronto Maple Leafs insignia on them. Toity looks up and yawns. "That was almost too predictable. If Axelrod is still alive somehow, he'll be of use to me!" Toity says. He reaches over to the Rawk Stone and grabs the side of it.

The Rawk Stone begins to turn to ash in Toity's hands.

"What the ******?" Artemis says, looking in disbelief at the valuable rawk stone that Toity destroyed.

Toity also sits stunned. Meanwhile, an impossible skinny man with a bandanna around his neck suddenly climbs in through the window.

"Aye, Mick? Aye, are you in 'ere? Eh, Mick where are you? Aye now, this ain't no fun Mick" the man says. Toity and Artemis look at each other incredulously.

"Well well, a little black Moroccan on the desk fir me aye? Sounds blooming wonderful and all that" the man says. He slowly slinks over to the desk, and takes out a 100 pound bill. Rolling it up, he puts the note to his nose, and quickly snorts all of the remainders of the Rawk Stone. His head violently shakes and his face turns red. He goes back into a standing position and looks at both of them.

"Aye then now, both ah you talking bout Axelrod? Pleasent bloke. But uh, where's Mick?"

[Spamdini]

Keef's beody can't decay any further than it already has, so now he causes everything around him to turn to dust!