Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Action Hank]

(Part one of five)

There are three rules to being a successful illusionist.

1)Know your audience: Illusions are deceptions. A good illusionist is able to lead his audience, make them see what he wants them to see, and control the outcome. He must master misdirection. An illusion will only work if audience believes it.

2)Know your trick: Illusions depend on quickness. Quickness of the hands, quickness of the mind, and quickness to move on to the next trick before the audience can figure out what has just happened. If you are not quick, the illusion will reveal itself.

3)Don't overextend: Illusions should be simple. The more complicated an illusion, the more chances for something to go wrong. There is a reason why card tricks are the most common forms of magic---they are simple and require little to perform. Elaborate tricks only look elaborate---they are still fundamentally simple.

If an illusionist violates one of these three rules, then the illusion will fail. Judgment is key to successful tricks. And it was a momentary lack of judgment that caused the downfall of the greatest illusionist of all time. He overextended himself.

And for a woman.

[Action Hank]

(Part two of five)

He came from nothing, out of nowhere, but that was part of his allure.

The royal party, bathing at the banks of the river, were surprised one day to see all the reeds bow towards a young man on the opposite shore. He was simply walking towards the river with a stick in hand, and as he reached the shore, he gentled probed the water's surface. The head of a crocodile rose from the depths. Then another. Then another. A dozen reptilian heads poked out and swam so as to form a line. The young man then stepped on the heads, and crossed the river. Never once did he pay any heed to the royal party, and thereafter, for several days, he was the center of gossip and intrigue among the royal house.

This alarmed the royal magicians, who felt threatened, and the head priest of the Royal Order of Magic went to the Pharaoh, begging his lord to capture the young man so that they could question him. The Pharaoh, intrigued by the story told to him by the royal party, relented to their demands.

It was in this way that the Illusionist, Imhotep, was summoned to the royal court, where he was challenged by the head priest, Aman-Ta'hump, and where he defeated the old priest in a illusionist's duel that lasted three straight days as the sun turned into a drop of blood, the Nile changed course, and lions sang with human voices among many other amazing feats of illusion that have never been seen since.

But it was the third daughter of the Pharaoh, Nefertitty, who is the key to the Illusionist's downfall. Beautiful, smooth skinned, wild-eyed, buxom, the princess was at the Nile's edge when Imhotep walked across the crocodiles. Although it appeared as if he did not look towards the royal party, every ounce of his soul was staring down Nefertitty. She, however, seemed to care little, paying more attention to a peacock's feather than the strange man who walked across the heads of crocodiles across the Nile.

It was because of her that he had revealed himself to the royal family. It was because of her that he took up the old priest's challenge. And it would be because of her that he was be cursed to a fate far worse than death, relying on the most precise of calculations using dangerous and forbidden magic to perform the greatest illusion of all time.

[Action Hank]

(Part three of five)

The Illusionist had so impressed the Pharaoh, that he was offered the job as master magician to the court, replacing Aman-Ta'hump---who on losing the duel swore his revenge and vanished into the desert.

Never had such a young man been granted the role that the Illusionist won, and never to an unknown, an outsider who when asked his name merely politely nodded and said,

"I only wish to please your majesty."

And so the Pharaoh named him Imhotep, The One Who Comes in Peace. And he was granted land for a home and workshop. Over many months, Imhotep performed magical feats for the grace of his ruler, acted as an oracle, predicting movements of the stars and planets, and designed great medicinal cures. His name spread across the lands of the upper and lower Nile, attracted the feeble and sick looking for cures, as well as challengers.

But the one thing he couldn't seem to do, was attract the affections of Nefertitty. Then, one dark evening when the moon was new, he finally had a chance. He was walking through the royal gardens, contemplating the plans to construct a great step pyramid at the Pharaoh's request, when he happened upon the princess. She was walking with one of her maids, admiring the stars above.

"I, too, find comfort in the stars," he said, startling her. "Often times, when I am lonely, I speak with them."

"One cannot speak to the stars," the Princess replied, "Unless they are a God."

Imhotep smiled, bowed his head politely. "Of course." He picked up a rock from the ground and took aim at the night sky and threw it. Suddenly one of the stars shined brighter than before---shined as bright as the moon.

"Who calls to me?" it said.

"Imhotep," he replied. "And the princess, Nefertitty."

"What is it you wish to know? When the next flood will arrive? How much wheat to store for the winter? What?"

"My question is of far graver importance," Imhotep replied. "I wish to know what gift would best suit the princess?"

"For one who can have everything, there is one thing she desires more than mounds of diamonds or sheets of fine cloth."

"What is that?" Nefertitty said, he face flush, her eyes dancing with wonder.

Imhotep stepped closer to her, pressed himself against her, and whispered into her ear---

"Magic."

[Action Hank]

(Part four of five)

It was Imhotep's hubris that destroyed him. His affair with the princess was a secret that they forced the maid to forget. A wiser man, an older man, would have killed the maid, but Imhotep couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he hypnotized her, depending on his skills over common sense. If he was caught, he was dead.

"Where did you learn all your tricks?" Nefertitty asked him once.

"You once said that only gods could speak to the stars, perhaps I am a god?"

In fact, he was not a god. He was just a man. He had no father that he knew, his mother was a prostitute and dead before he was six. He lived by his wits, surviving by stealing bread and copying the illusions and tricks from street performers. Then, one day he was caught by a Nubian with glowing red eyes as he attempted to pickpocket him.

"You are skilled," the Nubian said. "If you desire to live, then you will follow me."

In the desert was a cave. It was dark and hot and smelt of rotting eggs. The boy was frightened, but he never fled because he sensed something about this man. Something he did not understand.

"I am a wizard," the man said. "And there is something I desire in the heart of this cave. A stone tablet. If you bring it to me, I will not only let you live, but I will teach you all I know."

The boy had no choice, and he entered the cave with only a torch to guide him. As he drew deeper into the cave, he encountered pits of fire and bottomless chasms. He had to crawl through tight spaces and wade through rivers of cold water. At last he came to a giant open room where a pedestal of gold stood holding a stone tablet. As he took the tablet, the walls began to shake and seemed to scream in pain. He ran as fast as he could as the cave began to collapse around him. He barely made it out before the whole cave was swallowed back into the earth. The sun was rising, and there was no sign of the wizard.

Then he examined the tablet.

"You are no god," she said. "You are just a man."

He only nodded, and touched her breast. As he did, flowers began raining on them.

But this time of bliss was short lived. His enemies were desperate to bring him down. From exile in the desert, Aman-ta'hump worked feverishly on his plans. One night he captured the maid, to probe her on any information she might know. His spies had seen her often in the company of Imhotep, and thought she was her lover.

Aman-ta'hump, despite losing to Imhotep, was still a master magician. Imhotep had been to cocky. The hypnotic seal was sloppier than it should have been...

[Action Hank]

(Part Five of Five)

He worked feverishly in his workshop, and he had little time. In front of him was a vast sheet of papyrus that was full of hieroglyphs, and in front of the papyrus was the stone tablet. As he finished the final calculation there was a violent noise above. The guards had broken into the workshop, and there was little time before they were to discover the secret room below.

He rolled up the papyrus and grabbed the stone tablet.

"What if I were to die, what would you do? Could you bring me back to life?" Nefertitty had asked him several nights ago.

"If you were to die, I would bring you back. Even if it took me 4,000 years to do it, I would bring you back to life."

"And if you fail?"

"Then I will eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow I shall die."

He ran over to the far wall and pressed gently against the painting of Isis. A secret door gave way and he entered the tunnel that led back into the royal compound.

The body of the princess was laid on a wooden table. Some priests had removed her clothes and had cleaned her body. There were two guards watching over her.

"I think I'm gonna have a go," one of them says to the other, winking.

"That's disgusting."

"She's so hot!" the guard says, in an uncharacteristically modern way.

"She is. Okay, just be quick about it."

The first guard begins to remove his clothing when he notices that under his leather armor is a cloth robe that he had never seen before. The robe begins to move, and Imhotep steps out out. The guard's head lands on the ground.

"What---" the second guard says, confused and surprised. Imhotep leaps at him, grabs him by the face, and plants him into the ground. His head explodes into a thousand birds that swoop around and shit all over him.

He walks over to the body of Nefertitty.

"Like I promised," he said. He places the tablet on her chest and steps back. "Now it is time for some real magic."

"There is no such thing," Aman-ta'hump says, suddenly appearing from the darkness. Before Imhotep can respond, Aman-ta'hump thrusts a dagger into his chest. "We both know that everything we do is but an illusion."

Imhotep looks down at the knife in his chest, then looks at Nefertitty. Aman-ta'hump grabs him by the throat and chokes him.

"Not everything," Imhotep manages to say. He reaches out and touches the tablet. Ghostly shadows fill the room. Encased in a strange dark world, Aman-ta'hump lets go of Imhotep and steps back.

"What trickery is this?"

When the shadows vanish, Aman-ta'hump is on the ground, his neck snapped in two. Imhotep stumbled over to Nefertitty's side.

"Even if it takes 4,000 years," he says. And then he performs his great trick.

The trick that takes 4,000 years to pull off.

(NEXT: "THE ILLUSIONIST RETURNS" CONTINUES IN "CHAPTER FIVE: THE ILLUSIONist JOB")