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(#23) To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

 
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Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:21 pm)
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Post     (#23) To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

Reverend Sykes, his leg in a cast, sits down with his squadron of goons. They all take turns telling stories of their recent conquests over the heathens of the world.

"Today, I converted three people!" boasts one.

"That's nothing!" snorts another. "I converted a whole family of six!"

A third goon reclining on the flatbed of a truck sits upright. "Yeah, well I converted a whole bus full of women on their way to the 'Remaining Virgin Women of America' conference! Of course, I gave them a little fun before I converted their asses!"

Everyone hollers and hoots and drinks goblets of alcohol made from sunflower seeds and sewer water. Reverend Sykes is sitting atop a makeshift throne of gold, frankincense and myrrh, enjoying the tales being told. However, his brow furrows as soon as he spots one particular goon not in fact listening to these tales of religious dedication. No, he's listening to his Walkman!

"You there! Have some respect for your brothers! They recount wondrous stories of glory in the name of God! How dare you listen to music while this is going on!"

The goon does not respond for he is too immersed in his music. Reverend Sykes picks up his crutch, forged from the melted down gold chains of a hundred Greek and Arab pagans, and limps over to the goon. He rips the headphones off of his skull (it should be noted that goon headphones have an indentation in them so that they fit over mohawks) and presses it to his ear. The sound is deafening.

Women crying blood from their eyes,
Children's souls ascending to the skies!

CLOWN MURDER SURPRISE! CLOWN MURDER SURPRISE! CLOWN MURDER SURPRISE! CLOWN MURDER SURPRISE! CLOWN MURDER SURPRISE! CLOWN MURDER SURPRISE!


Sykes crushes the headphones on the ground and his face turns flush with anger. Grabbing the goon by the leather straps, he yells "What is this Satanic garbage?!"

"I...It's Viscerape, your holiness! Everyone's heard of them! They're the best, right guys?"

All the other goons turn their backs to their foolish brother-in-arms.

"VISCERAPE?! THEY ARE #1 ON THE PJA's (Parents and Jesus Association) TOP EVIL BANDS LIST" Sykes yells into the goon's face before tossing the poor fool to the ground. Fearing what will be done to him, the goon scrambles to his feet and begins running away. Reverend Sykes plucks a CD from his pocket.

"YOU SHOULD BE LISTENING TO WHOLESOME MUSIC LIKE THIS!"

Sykes flings the CD like a shuriken. The fleeing goon turns around just in time to catch the disc in the eyes, cleaving both in half. As he writhes in agony on the ground, we can see what the CD says:

Blest Be Thy Name - Pat Boone

Reverend Sykes turns back to his men and takes his seat once more. "My loyal followers, let me tell you all of my experience with these heathens who refer to themselves as Viscerape..."

Five years ago...

Leitch and his bandmates mull over notepads, searching for the inspiration for their next hit single. After hours of racking their brains, Leitch stands up.

"My friends, I think we've hit our peak. It's best we all just go our separate ways."

"Tops!" Emperor Fuck says half-heartedly. "Guess now I c'n finally start me career as a jazz drummer in Chicago."

Curtis stands up too. "I can go back to Harlem and help underprivileged youths stay off the streets."

Benedict thinks about how he'll return to the wild and fight off the loggers who have been tearing down his family's habitat. He also thinks about taking English lessons.

"And I'll use my fame and money in order to help end poverty, hunger, war and use my promiscuous lifestyle as an example in order to teach young boys and girls how to be chaste," says Leitch.

They all shake hands and prepare to part ways for the final time. Suddenly, there is a rapping at their door. Leitch opens the door and finds a pile of dead children with Pat Boone CDs imbedded in their bodies. A note is pinned to one of them. Leitch picks it up and begins to read it.

"Your evil music tainted each and every one of these children. It is your fault that we had to murder them before they further ruined the minds of those around them. May their blood be on your hands! One day we shall strike back and destroy you for the glory of God!

-- The PJA"

Everyone looks at the dead children on their doorstep and for a minute, there is complete silence. Finally, Leitch breaks the quiet.

"Dudes...THAT'S IT! Dead Pile O' Children!"

Emperor Fuck dances in joy. "It's perfect! We is gonna have another smash hit!"

"Awwwwwwwwwh yeah!" groans Curtis.

Leitch begins scribbling down the lyrics on his notepads while the others pick up acoustic guitars and begin working out the chords. "It practically writes itself!" Leitch has the whole song done within 5 minutes and they begin practicing it immediately. The single is #1 worldwide and the album it ends up being on, Arcane Death Explosion, becomes the best selling record of all time. The mp3 format ceases to exist due to computers not being hardcore enough to play this type of music. Reverend Sykes and the PJA figure that the devil had granted them magic powers and they proceed to move to Florida so that they can be safe and among normal people.

Present time...

"And that's how I struck my first victory against the heart of Satan himself!"

No one else understands the point of the story, but they act impressed anyways.
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:19 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

After considerable traveling, Church & State arrive back home in Tallahassee, FL along with their followers. The only state in America to keep its original borders and name, it was thanks to Uncle Slam and Reverend Sykes who teamed up and created a highly regulated society by killing all Cubans and Jews. Those who left were mostly elderly Christians who readily accepted a theocracy and kept the economy running by siphoning supplies from nearby regions and by burning the dead for energy.

"Lo! we have returned to the scared soil of Florida!" Sykes exclaims upon entering the PJA headquarters. He is greeted by his closest advisors, Al Sharpton, Sister Rosetta Woods (known as the Nun Only God Could Love for her hideous appearance and penchant for murdering people with a ruler) and Robot Tipper Gore.

"Updates?" Sykes asks upon his arrival.

Sharpton pulls a list out of his pocket. "Some woman tried to smoke a ham by turning her car on inside her closed garage. She died of carbon monoxide poisoning."

"God bless her soul."

"Two young men decided to play unicorn jousting and strapped knives to their foreheads. They're both dead."

"God bless their souls."

"In a local breakdancing competition, a talented young man died after he accidentally dove off a cliff. He landed on a bus of elderly folks heading to the bingo hall. They're all dead. The bus could have swerved out of the way, but the old people rigged the bus so it couldn't go over 20 mph under any circumstances."

"God bless them all."

"Aaaaand that's it for today in Florida."

The PJA advisors bring Sykes to the war room where they bring him a naked woman with a proclamation engraved onto her chest and stomach. The reverend reads it over and never turns to his advisors. "These Spartas that my partner and I must face, who are they?"

"Loooooordy lordy, Zeebo!" Rosetta says in sing-song fashion. "Don'choo be knowin' these sinners now? They be two downright cold and crass devils who use the wicked powers of science to cheat their way to victory!"

"A Zion conspiracy!" Sharpton shouts. "They use 'gravity' and 'force fields' when they fight. It's gotta be the hooknoses sniffing opponents so hard that they're pulled to the ground! Only way to explain it!"

Robot Tipper Gore goes "Wrrrrrrrrrrr"

Sykes is less upset than his PJA leaders. "Praise Jesus for giving me the opportunity to correct the behavior non-believers such as these! They sound misguided rather than evil. Obviously they have been granted miraculous powers by God! I am sure that they will be most useful once converted to our side."

"And if they don't join?" asks Shapton.

"Then I will be forced to put their souls to rest before the devil takes advantage of their skills! Just to be safe, I shall take my men on a cross-country trip!"

"Where you be takin' them now?" asks Sister Rosetta.

"Why good sister, I'll be taking them on a quest to DESTROY SCIENCE!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uncle Slam picks up his phone.

"Sir, I apologize for our loss at Slaughter Serenade. It was my fault for messing up."

...

"About that, sir. Sykes and I are slated to face off against Nick and Al Sparta at Elegy of Extinction. This event concerns me. I fear Caligula may be trying to put the final nail in America's coffin. As important as the KATN project is, I feel that this takes precedence."

...

"I'm glad you agree with me! And no, the reverend suspects nothing yet. He remains useful to us and there is no immediate threat."

...

"All right, I shall update you as new information comes in. Thank you and have a good day...Mr. President!









...

"Huh? Oh, ok. I'll say hi."

...

"Hello sir! How are you doing today?"

...

"I'm doing fine, thank you! How's the weather over there?"

...

"Pretty nice actually. It never gets much colder than 50 at any time of the year in these parts. It can be kind of rainy, but we've had sun for the last couple of weeks."

...

"Oh, you're not being a bother. Thank you for your concern and take care of yourself...Mr. Vice-President!"
Big Fagot
Alpha ape
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 10544
(Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:28 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:36 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!
Vinny
[00:10] How can you get an erect dick into your own ass?
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 5181
(Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:17 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

What the hell?
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:28 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

Jesus > Science
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Mon Apr 30, 2007 3:58 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

Bunsen burners are ablaze throughout the laboratory, heating flasks and vials filled with liquids of every color of the rainbow. A surprisingly proper looking scientist observes them as they bubble and flow through plastic tubes that look much like bendy straws. An indigo vial catches his attention and he squints his eyes through his thick-rimmed glasses at the reaction and the output the computer gives him. Suddenly, his eyebrows fire upwards and his limps wrists flail around in delight. Like a flash of lightning, he fires out the door of his lab into an adjacent one where a plain looking but kinda attractive female chemist is also going over a series of bubbly glass containers.

"YES SHIT...AWESOME INCREDIBLE...FASCINATING FANTABULOUS...EXTREMELY...GROUNDBREAKING..."

"Calm down," the woman says in response to the rant. "You found a more effective medicine for treating AIDS?"

The scientist huff and puffs as he tries to slow his breath and chill the fuck out. Upon doing so, he looks up with a grin on his face and a sparkle in his eye. "I found the cure!"

"You...cured AIDS?!"

"I can't believe it! It was a complete accident, but I didn't add enough of substance FS63 to the 3rd dish. But it's so clear now! We were just adding too much! It was counterproductive! But by reducing the amount, 100% of the virus was eliminated within 10 minutes!"

"Oh my god! Do you know what this means? A cheap and easy to produce cure for AIDS that works in ten minutes! You've done it, darling!"

The couple embraces passionately. The woman then begins to rub her stomach. "He'll be the first one to be born free from the curse of this terrible disease. And we will be able to live on in order to cure more disease!"

"Yes, it's been a living hell ever since Saggy Sam and his Faggy Five raped the both of us...twenty times over three days. But the horror is over now! My unborn child, I can't wait until the day you're born in a world where science and goodwill towards humanity replace all the savagery."

The couple takes the cure and they are AIDS-free within a few minutes.

"Once we show the heads of the local tribes," the man continues, "they'll realize that the pursuit of knowledge is more important than ignorantly holing ourselves up between stone walls and worshipping gang leaders for their strength."

Just at that moment, the wall to the lab comes crumbling down and twenty mohawked goons murder the scientist with flaming tomahawks wrapped in poisonous snakes.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the woman screams. All the goons look at her rapeishly while their leader walks into the lab. That leader is Reverend Zeebo Sykes.

"So it's true!" Sykes snarls, looking at the lab reports. "You sinners are trying to undo God's weapon against faggocity! It's bad enough that you have signed your souls over to the devil and chosen to wear his white coats of hell! But to purposely aid his quest to convert humanity into evil homosexuals, this is too much! My men, convert her!"

The goons impale her entire body with dicks, skewering the unborn baby inside as well. As the fetus drips out of one of her open wounds, Reverend Sykes looks down and sheds a tear.

"I can't believe it! They must have been in the process of aborting that child of God as well! I don't see any pentagrams on the ground, but it is the only logical explanation! It saddens me that we were not able to save this child from the cold darkness of limbo, but such is His divine way."

The goons proceed to burn the lab to the ground. Sykes crosses off another name on his list and addresses his followers. "My good men, we have done excellent work here today! These foul creatures are the reason that America fell into despair and chaos to begin with! It is our job to fully eradicate the evils of science if we are ever going to return America to God's chosen land on Earth! Our next destination is a foul and wicked place where soulless beasts use dead fetuses in order to enhance their own bodies; possibly in order to form a Satanic army! Let us march forth and stop them! Save America!"

"SAVE AMERICA!" the goons scream. They march onward to the north. Their destination: Outer Heaven.
Action Hank
Yes, I fart dicks. Dicks actually come out of my anus when I fart.
Joined: 20 Jan 2007
Posts: 8600
(Mon Apr 30, 2007 6:05 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

I guess the fetus had it coming.
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Tue May 01, 2007 10:43 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

Outer Heaven: A large fortified base located in the country of Diopolis. Its name comes from the fact that the purpose of the fortress is to further gene therapy, genetic cloning and stem-cell research projects initially started by the government and private institutions. Though the scattered remains of the government abandoned the scientists, a collection of backers continued to fund them and built Outer Haven as a stronghold against outside attacks. Diopolis, located between the relatively organized lands of Nouveau-Richonia and Metalrapia, is fairly benign and safe, making it ideal for secret operations such as these. It should also be noted that everyone there is a huge Metal Gear Solid fan (another reason for the name).

It is a gray and dreary day. Three silver haired professors with long baggy lab coats perform experiments on animals that either make the animals super strong or make them explode. Their research has come along far enough so that animals don't blow up nearly as often as they used to. A fourth silver-haired scientist walks into the room. He looks over and sees a caged cobra.

"SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" he screams. Everyone shares a good laugh even though they've heard the joke 500 times already.

"Any progress on subject L-563?" scientist #1 asks.

"He seems to have stopped responding to the gene therapy," the new scientist replies. "It's too bad. Our gradual injections were granting it immunity from all diseases and doubled strength. Now its immune system is reverting to normal and its strength is normal. No exploding though."

"Hmmmmm, that is quite disappointing. I was hoping that this approach would have greater success. Still, no exploding is good."

"I agree," scientist #4 replies. "Explode any subjects today?"

Scientist #2 shakes his head. "Not yet, but the day is young. It should not be too long before we know the answer to life's greatest question."

"If love can bloom on a battlefield?" scientist #3 asks. Everyone high-fives.

"The question I was referring to was the key to creating the ultimate soldier. If we can create perfect soldiers, they can bring America back together by systematically taking out the gangs of goons as re-establishing society."

"Not only that," scientist #1 adds, "but gene therapy and stem cells can be used to cure or prevent deadly diseases. America will be reborn stronger than ever!"

Scientist #4 raises his fist in the air. "To progress gentlemen!"

"TO PROGRESS!"

A fifth scientist, this one tiny and meek, runs into the room.

"SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" he screams as he points at the cobra. Everyone laughs. However, the new scientist's expression turns grim and panicked. "They're at the gates! There's tons of them! We shoot and shoot but they don't back down!"

The four silver-hairs look startled. "What?! Who's at the gates?!"

"G-goooooooooooooooooooons!"

His scream is punctuated with Stuart taking a 2 foot knife and ramming it through the tiny scientist's back. Goons flood the room, licking their respective instruments of murder. Not the type to be bullied, the silver-haired scientist throw off their lab coats to reveal chiseled bodies underneath. Using the powers of scientific kung-fu, they begin to dispatch the savage giant men left and right. The goons are startled as they see that these supposedly feeble middle-aged men are easily taking down their most brawny brothers. Scientist #1 flexes his muscles and points at the reluctant invaders.

"So what will it be?! Wanna get your asses kicked by science?"

"STARS AND STRIPES SLASH!"

Scientist #1's head falls off. The three others look in shock as they see Uncle Slam standing right behind them.

"H-How'd you get there?!" #2 stammers, taking a step backwards. He does not take another step, though, because Reverend Sykes just drove a cross through his heart.

"DAMN YOU!" #3 yells as he charges Sykes. However, he is quickly placed in the Conversion Chart submission move by the reverend. He bellows in pain as his arms are in the process of being torn off.

"This is the end for you heathens!" Sykes proudly proclaims. "I shall destroy your sin factory before you can destroy America with your evil!"

"N-no, I won't let you!" exclaims #4. He barges through a secret passageway and begins to run downstairs. Sykes rips off #3's arms and follows suit. Uncle Slam stands over the armless scientist and prepares the finishing blow.

"No...he can't be thinking of...it's too unstable."

Uncle Slam stops bringing his hand down. "Hm? What are you talking about?"

"He's going to...do something to himself...that could kill everyone here..." Scientist #3 draws his final breath and dies. The goons just go crazy and start tearing up everything. Uncle Slam, slightly more concerned, runs after Sykes and scientist #4.

In the basement of the building, #4 comes to a chamber with various vials marked with warning signs and skulls. Obviously not fearing the threatening imagery, he begins to chug down the contents of three different liquids. The empty containers shatter as they hit the ground. Sykes walks in to see the scientist convulsing and his muscles swelling.

"Even if I go crazy and die...I WON'T LET YOU RUIN ALL THE GOOD WE'VE DONE!" The scientist is now ten feet tall and covered in thorns. His pants explode off, but his shirt remains intact, though somewhat ripped. This phenomenon is known as the reverse-Hulk complex and one of the reasons the serum was considered a failure.

"In the name of the lord, I'm gonna fuck your shit up!" Sykes takes a swing at the behemoth.
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Fri May 04, 2007 11:55 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

Uncle Slam runs into the underground lab, only to find Reverend Sykes doing battle with a giant thorn-covered creature. The good reverend is jumping around, kicking and punching the bulky beast while it tries to keep up with smaller and more flexible man of the cloth. That said, the beast doesn't even seem fazed in the slightest by any of the blows being dealt. A clumsy swipe gets too close to Sykes as he leans back and a thorn scratches his chest, creating a scratch that dribbles a little blood. The fanatical reverend does not even notice and keeps attacking fervently.

"Dammit!" curses Uncle Slam. He gets behind the creature and leaps into the air up. "STARS AND STRIPES SLASH!" Slam karate chops at the beast's neck, in hopes of decapitating it. However, its skin is as tough as stone and the patriotic grappler is shocked to find that his hand barely even scratches the creature's neck. A palm whips around and blasts Uncle Slam right into the ground.

Sykes, undeterred by the seemingly impervious monstrosity, grabs its arms and puts it in the Conversion Chart. The creature has little trouble simply powering out and throws Sykes into the air. With a Hulk-like show of leg power, it follows the reverend up into the air of the amazingly high room.

"GUNKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" it screams as it punches straight at his target. Skyes merely smiles as he deftly maneuvers his body out of the way and grabs the beast's legs. He flips it upside-down and places it in the all-familiar HOLY DRIVER! Thorns stab into his hands and feet, but he keeps the move applied anyways.

"DIE SATAN!"

However, the beast continues to shake and squirm as they plummet towards the Earth. It is eventually able to free itself from the aptly-named finisher and grabs Sykes by the legs, powerbombing him into the ground.

Sykes is stunned and motionless for about a minute. By the time he regains his bearings, the creature has already begun to throb and mutate further. The thorns become knives and its skin becomes FLESH COLORED! It was yellow-green before, you see. Uncle Slam recovers at the same time and looks to his partner.

"Zeebo, its muscles are too tough. Must have spliced its DNA with a gorilla or rhino or something."

"Stop talking nonsense! DNA is a fictional invention created by mammals! What we are seeing here is a curse brought on by Satan himself! We must be truly devout if we are to strike it down!"

Sykes curls into a ball and flings himself directly at the creature. The beast grins and merely flexes its knife-covered bicep so that Sykes will just impale himself with his own move. However, the Holy Roller suddenly changes direction! Uncle Slam used a soccer ball styles kick to send Sykes upwards right into the beast's jaw! For the first time, it staggers!

"Zeebo, we have to team up to beat it! Use the tag moves we learned!"

Both Church & State jump on the genetic monster's head and use all the force from both their bodies to Double DDT it into the concrete floor. This succeeds in dealing some damage to the creature. It leans upwards, but Church & State use X-Pac style spin kicks to either side of its head. Once again, the beast it wounded and staggers. Sykes and Uncle Slam both take a leg of the creature and pull, causing it to fall to the ground. Finally, they proceed to each use one of their feet and stomp it in the nuts. The beast howls in pain. Genetic mutation made its genatlia no less vulnerable.

"It's working!" Slam exclaims.

"Praise Jesus, for he has united us for the task of expelling evil! The meek shall inherit the Earth and the giant hulking freaks shall inherit only damnation!"

However, the creature gets up angrier than ever! It jumps high in the air and comes crashing down, creating a shockwave that bowls over Church & State. Meanwhile, a remaining scientist watches on with tears in his eyes.

"Edward, you knew that you wouldn't live to see tomorrow by using the serum. Thank you. If you stop them, so many lives will be saved."

The beast, as foul and disgusting as it may look, still feels human emotion. It knows its mission and knows that it must succeed in wiping these two out. Every day, thousands perish in America from fighting, famine and disease. The answers their research sought to find were to put an end to all that. The blind religious fervor this supposed man of God brings does nothing but perpetuate the hate and suffering. This...HAS TO STOP!

The beast jumps straight up again! This time it's so high that the ground will likely collapse, sending everyone in the room into the volcano underneath (there's a volcano under the lab for some reason, by the way). As the leap nearly reaches its peak, the creature just notices something. That something is UNCLE SLAM!

"INDEPENDANCE DAY MASSACRE!"

Uncle Slam uses the momentum of the creature's jump along with his own leaping ability to Tombstone it right into the ceiling! The ceiling crumbles and the beast begins to fall. As it does so, it feels itself in a familiar position.

"HOLY DRIVER!" Sykes bellows as he re-applies his finisher!

The creature, still of sound mind enough to smirk, smirks as it struggles to free itself once again.

"Not this time, solder!" Uncle Slam yells. He somersaults through the air, gaining all sorts of funky funky momentum, before landing like an acrobat on Reverend Sykes' shoulders! The added weight and force added by Slam make the Holy Diver inescapable!

"HOLIER DRIVER!!!" Church & State scream. The beast is driven into the ground by the combination of the most patriotic and God-fearing tag teams! Its head shatters like a cantaloupe and it ceases to move. Church & State are victorious.

"NO! I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!" the hidden scientist whines. He brandishes a large blaster and points it at Reverend Sykes. "This is an atom incinerator! It will cause your very molecules to come undone and you will come apart at the atomic level!" Uncle Slam spots him and turns to his partner in a panic.

"LOOK OUT, SYKES!"

It's too late as the scientist fires. Sykes does not even move. The blast hits him full on!

Nothing happens.

"W...WHAT?!" the scientist shouts in disbelief.

"Fool! Your tricks will not work on me! I know science to be a false truth! So long as I do not believe in your witchcraft, I shall never fall victim to it!" With that, he pulls a cross out of his pocket and uses it like a shuriken to lop off the scientist's head. Uncle Slam looks on is disbelief.

"W-wait," he mumbles to himself as Sykes walks back upstairs. "Is this guy the real deal?! "
Big Fagot
Alpha ape
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 10544
(Sat May 05, 2007 8:05 am)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

O_O
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Sat May 05, 2007 5:39 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

Von Toity sips at a one of his trademark $1000 mint juleps. He smiles, thinking about the visitor who just next Nouveau-Richonia (read Ace's promos). Wilson enters the room to give his lord the full report.

"Mr. Powers has gone to Caligula's latest bloodbath. Though it is unlikely, he has an opportunity to become champion. Should he do so..."

"All men cross paths with the champ," von Toity sneers. "He may act the fool, but Powers has the best chance of helping me fulfill my goal. Any word on that man's location?"

"I think he'll come to us eventually. We're not even sure if he's alive anyways."

"No no no, I mean Kanzaki!"

Wilson nods his head. "No one knows what the hell he does between matches. It's like he's just hiding somewhere doing nothing."

"Well, no matter. The Illusionist will just have to kill him in the ring one day. And Church & State?"

"I had them leave Nouveau Richonia. Reverend Sykes is becoming increasingly hostile and difficult to control. I suggest we cuts ties with him before he causes too much trouble."

"Hm...let us see how this Sunday plays out. All the players are falling into place. It's just a matter of time before I realize my goal! Geh heh heh, just you wait, Caligula. Just you wait."

Fade to black.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reverend Sykes stands atop a stage composed of solid mahogany and gold, addressing his troops for his midnight mass. The usual blah blah dik about sinners and Jesus.

ALL OF A SUDDEN (!!) five figures crash through the ceiling!

"What the...OH SHIT IT'S A MUSLIM A JEW A BUDDHIST A HINDU AND AN ATHEIST!!!"

A great battle ensues.

"What a great battle!" exclaims a goon.

"YOU CANNOT DEFEAT OUR SKILLS!" shouts the Buddhist, doing tons of kung fu and spitting acid.

The Muslim and Jew shoot Kamehamehas which Reverend Sykes avoids by hiding behind a tree that is indoors.

"Silly pagans," Sykes scoffs. "I know your weakness!"

They all scratch their heads until they realize THAT THE SUN HAS JUST COME UP! THE SUN'S RAYS HIT THE EVIL CREATURES AND THEY ARE REDUCED TO DUST!!!

~fin
Big Fagot
Alpha ape
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 10544
(Sat May 05, 2007 6:03 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

That was intense.
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Sat May 05, 2007 10:17 pm)
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Post     Re: To err is human, to forgive is for pussies!

NEW TAG MOVE!

Name: Holier Driver

Description: Reverend Sykes puts a guy in the Holy Driver as usual. Then Uncle Slam jumps and lands on his shoulders, adding extra weight to the attack, thus making it more powerful. Unlike God Bless America, this tandem move is used on one opponent at a time.
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