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The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks
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Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:06 pm)
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Post     The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Hey! Here's something! You should read it right now!

My only meaningful contribution as of late (As of late being anywhere between three to five years.) is changing that panoply of nightmarish delights at the top of the page every four months. So I figured I may as well chronicle our banner history for the sake of posterity. Well, not all the banners, just the ones I made. Fuck those other banners.

Blah blah blah. Here we go!

File name: fagtownbanner.jpg

Created: March 5, 2001.



Behold, history!: Made as a direct parody of a banner belonging to our greatest rivals, Tenkai, this exhibit emphasizes just how revolting and hideous we were as a group. The Tenkai banner was a tribute to the atrociously effeminate Japanese band Malice Mizer so I figured we could only compete if I stitched together something containing the worst human beings I've ever encountered. THEY ARE (FROM LEFT TO RIGHT) Da Bouncer, Otaku Monkey, Ultra Cool Girl/Terrene/Ashton Whitney/Fuck You, Chris/Peter Jones AKA: The Big Fagot. I actually never would have started using Photoshop if not for this LITTLE GEM because I needed it to blur those pictures together. This was my first Photoshop picture ever! And rightfully so because it looks hideous and will haunt me for another decade. Things can only get better from here!
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Last edited by Seru on Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:23 am; edited 1 time in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:35 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

TIME MARCHES ON...

File name: WiseFwomYoGwave.jpg.

Created: July 21, 2006.

References: Altered Beast, Pig Beast



Welcome to the stage of history: Many moons had passed since my last foray into the seedy, secluded world of Internet forum banner creation. After becoming intensely bored with whatever banner we were using at the time I made a thread COMPELLING PEOPLE to create a new one. After a tepid response and half-hearted compliance (I believe the only taker was Morgan.) I explicitly threatened the entire group to get cracking or I would inflict something hideous upon them. The exact threat; I would go into MSPaint and toss something together in less than five minutes that would shame them all into action. Something so stupendously grotesque that they wouldn't want to see it day in and day out. Being an ardent fan of that one really terrible picture of Peter Jones (Also seen in the previous banner.) I decided to fuse him with one of my favourite moments in video games, the transformation scene from Altered Beast. People ended up liking it despite my complete lack of effort. An ideal I still honour today!
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Last edited by Seru on Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:02 pm; edited 2 times in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:51 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Going forward, in reverse...*whale songs*

File name: GokuEatsAlot.jpg

Created: July 21, 2006.

References: Dragon Ball Zed, Doom



Since my first banner was such a rousing success (And I didn't want to look at Peter's ugly mug all day. Yes, I bluffed.) I decided I may as well just make a new banner for every separate forum. I believe Werewolf Peter was relegated to an archive forum. And I probably should have put more thought into that because we had like 14 sub-forums at the time. So for our MAIN FORUM (IE: The one you're looking at right now.) I decided it was time to go back to our roots. Therefore, Dragonball. I was also a big fan of Doom. Story concluded.
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Last edited by Seru on Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:04 pm; edited 2 times in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:04 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Onward...to victory!

File name: DieFuhrerDie.jpg

Created: July 22, 2006.

References: Wolfenstein Three Dimensional, Sword of the Berserk



Hey, you know what else was fucking awesome? Wolfenstein3D and Berserk. This graced the main page so everybody had to see it all the god damn time. Nothing much else to say! I personally enjoyed the visual gag of the Dragon Slayer being too gargantuan to fit in the weapon box. *pushes up nerd glasses* I guess I should note that I was adamant about creating ugly crap in MSPaint as quickly as possible and the only time I regretted it was here. Would it have killed me to redraw those intestines? Geez.
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Last edited by Seru on Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:41 am; edited 1 time in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:07 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Seriously, that lowercase t looks like a worm that grew wings and is on the verge of a first flight.
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Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:21 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Rebel 1...Action!

File name: HehHehThankYou.jpg.

Created: July 22, 2006.

References: METARU GEARU SORIDU, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Castlevania: RONDO OF BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD



THIS IS MY FAVOURITE ONE OF THE ORIGINAL FEW I MADE AND I LOVE IT. Metal Gear Dracula is my greatest contribution to society. It was unfortunately placed in the 8 Bit Orgy forum and I still regret that decision to this day. The fact that dingus even had a forum in 2006 is a decision I regret to this day! Also, people gave me flack for putting in Maria Renard instead of Meryl Whateverberg. Yeah, and you know why I did that? Because I despised Meryl. Look at this hideous baboon! Now compare that polygonal pile of dog vomit to this adorable little scamp. I have been vindicated by history. Just further proof that all 3D is pig disgusting.
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Last edited by Seru on Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:43 am; edited 1 time in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:39 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

I've referenced BlazBlue and Ozzy so far. I am king of all things.

File name: DinoMight.jpg.

Created: July 23, 2006.

References: Fist of the North Star, Bubble Bobble.



And after a total of four banners I ran out of ideas. This is an example of me scrapping the bottom of the barrel. I'll admit right now, I've never seen Fist of the North Star. I don't care about Fist of the North Star. I will never, ever watch Fist of the North Star. So why did I commit this atrocity? Because...I wanted Spamdini to think I was cool... I pandered to a voracious crowd of FotNS fans and I feel terribly about it. It also backfired completely because nobody could figure out what the hell this was supposed to be. I'm ashamed to admit that most of the Bubble Bobble themed banners were trash. It might be because I never found the true magic of life, love, friendship and happiness.

The end?
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Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:56 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE...AND I BRING YOU...

File name: DeadHorseBeaten.jpg

Created: July 23, 2006.

References: Rockman, Equus, Fatman, Lazytown.



Whew, that Chris Psaros sure is a needy bitch, huh? Well, compared to his 2006 iteration he's an absolute delight. He was such a gangrenous appendage that I felt the need to doodle up a makeshift saw in the hopes of severing his necrosis ridden presence forever. The result was this, Master Flab riding a destructive malice machine to destroy a horse that had died long ago. Brilliant! And what was his reaction? He was flattered I took the time to recreate Dr.Wily's death tank with such loving detail.

-_-
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Last edited by Seru on Wed Jan 25, 2012 1:31 am; edited 1 time in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 1:21 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Lovin' girls, lovin' girls, interest in guys is a NO NO.

File name: DonkFuck.jpg.

Created: July 23, 2006. Man, I had a lot of free time in that one week of July.

References: Our Collective Selves, Final Fantasy IV.



A CROWD FAVOURITE, though I never enjoyed the FTU-centric banners because they lack mass appeal. This was also during the bygone era when Andre "Sugarsac" Robinson was part of the administrator elite. Or maybe he lost his adminhood at that point, the fact was we needed four fiends and he was gangly enough to be Rubicante. I'm Cagnazzo because he's my favourite. I also deeply regret lumping Morgan in with those two nameless fellows. And an equally disturbing observation, why are they fighting the FOUR FIENDS on a bloody grass plain? Just how lazy was I about these things?


Related media: Fuck yes, Ultros!
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Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 1:23 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

That's it for today. Only, uh, 45 more to go?

Confused
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Mike Dunn
Joined: 24 Jan 2007
Posts: 3548
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:10 am)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Grate thread.
Ryoko's Biatch
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 9248
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:43 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

The banners that don't include me are worthless garbage.
Ryoko's Biatch
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 9248
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:43 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

Also the ones that do include me.
Action Hank
Yes, I fart dicks. Dicks actually come out of my anus when I fart.
Joined: 20 Jan 2007
Posts: 8599
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:10 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

How dare you create something interesting to read at this pile of rotting corpses?
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:39 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

The Ultros Boogie is so good, dudes. Too bad the line, "Isn't he a Greek Dog?" makes no sense if you use his non-Nippon name. Boo!
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Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:09 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

En Es Ef Double Yew.

File name: ohgod.jpg

Created: July 23rd, 2006.

References: Super Smash TV, FTUW



Shocked

Anyway, everybody should remember when Vinny was going through his special phase. If you need a refresher it was a time when Vinny would talk at length about luminescent beads of sweat sparkling on the tips of erect dicks. And those beads eventually become rivulets cascading down the hefty shaft toward his hungering virgin tongue, merely a precursor in his valiant quest to drain the main vein. And the only way to dislodge these thoughts from his mind was etching said images in succinct and annotated detail. He also liked to draw cowboys with multiple belts. With huge erections. w/e

So I had to make fun of him, obviously. And there's Mutoid Man from the arcade smash hit Smash TV! Since this was for the FTUW forum, a Vinny tinged creation, I stuck some of those loser fake wrestlers in there as well to spice things up. Did I ever mention when my fucking dad saw one of the promos I wrote for that thing? The only thing worse would be him reading this post I just made.

pee es: Fuck the Ant King. And that's the worst cowboy hat I've ever seen. Mutoid Man looks like a flamboyantly homosexual wheelchair bound pilgrim.
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Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:21 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

You think you can tell us what to do?

File name: onenightinchyna.jpg

Created: July 26, 2006.

References: X-PAAAAAAAAAAC, Energy Drink, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.



Hey, remember when Peter Jones would speak fondly about X-Pac drinking a can of Hansen's Energy Drink? I guess it was funny because the can just said ENERGY on it and X-Pac was treating it like Popeye treated spinach. Peter referenced it maybe twice in the span of six years and I found it so amusing I felt compelled to immortalize it in a banner. Everybody thought it sucked. It didn't. Fuck you guys. I forget what forum it was in. One of the ones that sucked.

X-Pac was a wrestler, by the way. He wrestled.
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Last edited by Seru on Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
Richard Cristopolis
~~~SNAKE...NOW IT"S MY TURN TO PROTECT YOU~~~
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 1859
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:43 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

I remember and I'm [____] you loving crafted those belts around Vinny's cock.
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:50 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

The happy life Chairman Mao gives us.

File name: slantastic.jpg.

Created: November 5, 2006.

References: Chinese Propaganda, Karnov.



Oh boy. Uh, yeah. *comically tugs at collar in the hopes of relieving nervous tension* This one is not good. I just happen to be an avid fan of propaganda posters and I saw one of a Mothra sized Chairman Mao waving his hand at nothing while a giddy crowd of daughter murdering farmers beneath him are jubilantly ensorceled by his anti-Superman red sun powers. I didn't even get the phrase correct, it's supposed to be the red sun IN OUR hearts. And this was well after the Karnov craze had abandoned our dusty little forum. A stinker through and through. I blame communism.
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Last edited by Seru on Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
Seru
Custom titles are for heroes, like me.
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Posts: 11010
(Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:50 pm)
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Post     Re: The Ultimate Banner Jam: Part The First: ezboard sucks

That's Mutoid Man, not Vinny! I would never draw that ugly goon. Except for the three or four times I drew that ugly goon.
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