Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Spamdini]

Prologue

October 30th,the night of Death Race 2007, 11:50 PM

It's a stormy night in Ballsack Rage County, Texas, location of Iron Devil Correctional Facility. It is on this night that the four members of Viscerape are to be executed. Assistant warden Sweeny Bitchcake sits fattily in his office eating cake as a meek teenage prisoner wearing women's clothes and makeup shines his shoes.

"Hee hee hee, I'll be a national hero for getting rid of these criminals! Executing maximum rapage cons is, like, a ticket to stardom! Just look at Phil Donohue and Brian Dennehy!"

The phone rings and for a moment, Bitchcake is frightened. Could this be the governor calling off the execution? How can he let these menaces to society go free? Especially when they're about to make so many people rich and famous!

He picks up.

"H...hello?"

...

"Oh! Warden! I didn't expect you to be up this late! What can I do for you?"

...

"Yes sir, only five minutes to go now! Heh heh, they'll all be baked extra crispy and ready for us to dine on!"

...

"Uh, no I didn't mean that I was going to burn them to death. We're using the electric chairs, obviously! How else would we kill these..."

...

"C..calm down sir! You don't need to yell! What do you mean stop the exe..."

...

"Oh no...OH NO!!!!"

The assistant warden sprints as fast as his chubby legs can take him down the halls of the prison. Meanwhile on the second sub-basement of the prison, onlookers gaze with perverse joy at Leitch, Curtis, Emperor Fuck and Thor as they are bound with barbed wire to the chairs. The headpieces are lowered and the executioner takes a look at the wall clock. 11:59:45

Assistant warden Bitchcake looks at his watch as he runs. He sees the exact same time and knows he won't make in time to stop what is about to happen. Still, he has to try. Otherwise, everyone is seriously fucked! He bursts through the door three seconds too late.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

The executioner already flicked the switch. Electricity courses through the bodies of the Viscerapists. They foam at the mouth and their eyeballs bulge. Those watching begin jerking off in glee until they realize something is off. Thirty seconds later, those motherfuckers till aren't dead!

"CUT THE FUCKING CURRENT!" the assistant warden shouts.

"Why sir?" asks the executioner.

"ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?! THE ELECTRICITY IS GRANTING THEM POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Somewhere else, an old man with missing teeth and a cane drops to his knees and clasps his hands together. "Oh lord, why wouldn't they listen to me? Don't they know that when you electrocute rockers you're feeding them the very essence of HEAVY METAL RAWKING?!"

The executioner and assistant warden try in vain to cut off the power supply to the chairs. The Viscerapists muscles bulge and their skin begins to emit a bluish glow.

Just then, FTUW dies and America becomes a hellish wasteland...

Chapter 1

Six weeks later...

A prison bus rolls quickly down a dirt road. Except that this bus has been modified to include crow's nests where snipers keep an everlasting vigil. There is also a cowcatcher on the front lined with spikes. One foolish pedestrian does not notice the speeding vehicle and becomes impaled on the front. The bus stops as one of the guards scrapes the unfortunate man off and then it drives off once more.

At Iron Devil Correctional Facility, now renamed Iron Devil Prison, two guards discuss the new arrival.

"Wow, a new prisoner? Didn't know we were taking any more!"

"Yeah well, this one is special it seems. Seems the warden was paid big bucks to let him be housed here."

"Heh, guess you CAN still be sent to jail these days! Even in a lawless land!"

All six steel and bone security doors open and shut as the bus passes through. The guards escort the shackled prisoner out and take him to the two men guarding the entranceway.

"Hmph! So this is the new meat! Well welcome to Iron Devil Prison, asshole! You have the honor of being the last man to enter this place alive!"


The other guard remains silent. He doesn't like the vibes he's getting from this new guy. The prisoner says nothing as well.

"Heh, cat got you tongue new boy?"

The loudmouth guard drills the prisoner in the solar plexus with his club. The prisoner doesn't even wince.

"Aaaaah! A tough guy huh? That'll change soon! I'll tell you how this place works! You see, Iron Devil is more like a fortress than a real prison. The men who were sentenced to serve time here are now slaves who keep the place self-sustaining. Everyone has a job here and I bet a strong guy like you will be working in the mines. We barter with other gangs on the outside for food. The warden's got some pretty good connections!

"Let's see here...Rudy A. Washington. Former gym trainer and entrepreneur. Recent activities unknown. Ah! You're in the West Block! There are four blocks here you see: East, West, South and..."

"North?" Rudy mutters.

"Ohhhhh! You've got a voice! How cute!"

The guard drills him in the temple with his club. Still no effect.

"Yeah, north! Each block has its own gang leader. These are four guys you REALLY don't want to fuck with! Their leader is the personal bodyguard of the warden and assistant warden. Maybe you'll have the pleasure of getting on their bad side and having your eyes exploded while your search around blindly for your missing hands on the ground!"

"..."

"Or maybe I'll come to your cell at night and show you the meaning of respect! Heh heh heh! Take him away!"

The prisoner is led away down the hall. The asshole guard laughs evily.

UNTIL HE NOTICES THAT HIS HANDS ARE GONE ARE HAVE BEEN REPLACED WITH DELICIOUS BEEF WELLINGTONS!

"WHAT IN THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!?!"

The quieter guard notices and falls on his ass in shock.

"Impossible! T...They're still warm! W...when did he have time to bake those, rip off his hands and stitch those on?!"

Rudy lies down in his cot and spends his first night in Iron Devil...

[Spamdini]

Chapter 2

Next morning...

Throughout Iron Devil, the prisoners are murmuring about the new arrival.

"A new prisoner? What has it been, over a month?"

"Yeah, no one gets sent to jail these days. Killing and murdering are as commonplace as breathing on the outside now!"

"So what'd this asshole do to get put in here?"

"Maximum Rapeage I bet!"

"Yeah, I bet you can still get put away for that."

"Morons! If you commit Maximum Rapeage, there's no way they'd stick you with the normal prisoners!"

This discussion continues into the west block shower room until the newest prisoner steps through the door. Rudy ignores their gawking eyes and begins cleaning his fingernails. It's hard to practice proper hygiene in a cesspool like this.

Two prisoners do more than gawk. A big fat man and his diminutive sidekick strut over to Rudy and chuckle like retards.

"This one looks extra tasty, huh Quixote?"

Quixote, the Asian fat man, rubs his hands in glee. "He looks like he'll be fun. Hey muscle man, you gonna put up a fight or are you just gonna submit to 400 pounds of fun?"

Rudy does not even turn his head.

"Please, I'm rather filthy right now. And I do not enjoy sex with males."

Quixote's eyes fill with rage over hearing this. "WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?! I'VE BEEN HERE FOR FIFTEEN YEARS WITHOUT SEEING A SINGLE PUSSY! I'M NOT A FAG! OH GOD, FUCK YOU!"

A jiggling fist flying his way, Rudy just moves his body enough so that Quixote's punch breaks a hole in the shower room wall instead. The lardass clenches his chins in great fury as he whips around to punch again.

So Rudy rips off all of the skin on Quixote's torso! He proceeds to use blood to write a series of poems written from the point of view of a young paraplegic girl who wants nothing more than to be a ballerina, but her obsession causes her to lose the use of her arms so she can no longer even write poems to vent her sorrow. He shows these to Quixote who is so saddened by these poems that he fills a sink with water and drowns himself in it! The sidekick is stunned.

"H...he's a monster! I've gotta get out of here!"

However, the sidekick crashes into a large solid object and hits the ground. He looks up and begins screaming.

"What did I tell you two queers about trying to rape men in my shower room?" a baritone voice booms.

Two hands as large as Rudy's pick up the meek sidekick and fold him in half! Then they fold him in half again! And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! He tries to fold him another time, but before he can Rudy superkicks the powerhouse in the face!

"Idiot!" Rudy cries. "Don't you know you can't fold something in half more than seven times?! What were you thinking?! You're so arrogant!"

The beast of a human being falls on his rear end from the attack, much to the astonishment of all. He sneers and gets to his feet.

"Not so fast son. No reason we should fight now. I'm just here to let you know that the assistant warden wants to see you. These guards are here to escort you."

"Oh. I apologize."

Rudy gets dressed and goes with the guards.

"By the way brotha," the beast replies, "I'm the gang leader of this cell block. The name's Curtis Black. Betcha we're gonna be good friends real soon!"

[Spamdini]

Chapter 3

The assistant warden's office...

Rudy is ushered into the office by two guards wearing football helmets and wielding chainsaws that have human teeth bound together as chains. Assistant warden Bitchcake is in his cushy swiveling chair eating delicious pancakes and live chipmunks. As is his usual habit, he taunts the poor creatures with insults about how effeminate their species is before devouring them whole. Once done with his gruesome meal, he turns his attention to Rudy.

"Hm, you're the famous final prisoner eh?"

After examining him like a piece of succulent meat, the assistant warden rises from his chair and giggles.

"Well I don't know why someone wanted you put here so badly, but this doesn't have to be an unpleasant stay. Most of the trash prisoners have to work their asses off till they die, but strong guys who can protect us lead pretty good lives! Heck, we could build another cellblock and have you be in charge of it! If you behave and help us out, you'll find that you're better off in here than out there!"

Rudy does not respond.

"You don't have to answer me now, Mr. Rudy. Spend another night in Iron Devil Prison and see what it's like for all the worthless shits. After that, I think my proposition will look rather inviting! Men, take him back to his cell"

Rudy is led away by the guards. Before leaving, he gives the assistant warden a cold look. Bitchcake pulls a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls out of his cake and begins shoving them into his craw without even taking off the wrapping. A voice comes from a shadowy corner of the office.

"Did you see that look in his eyes? He's not joining you."

Bitchcake's eating is undeterred.

"Heh, he'll understand after a night in the general population. Besides, even YOU GUYS were won over right? Everyone comes to me in the end! Gwee hee hee hee hee!"

The shadowed man utters an ellipsis.

In his cell, Rudy begins working out to pass the time. He is soon interrupted by a voice.

"Hey buddy, still energetic?"

Rudy turns his attention to the cell next to his. It is his neighbor that is striking up conversation.

"Yeah, you look pretty rugged. But you know, you're going to get enough of a workout either working in the mines or performing other menial tasks around here. Guys are dying all the time from overexhaustion. They do it on purpose to deal with the fact that we're so overcrowded. That damn assistant warden just gets fatter and fatter by eating the food that doesn't have to go to dead guys! By the way, I'm Michael."

Rudy continues his workout.

"Ha ha, guys here call me Mikey! Ain't that a hoot? But like I was saying, you should really slow down. You need to conserve your strength. Me, I used to carry paraplegic orphans to amusement parks so I'm in pretty good shape. But even I'm dog-tired at the end of a day. Got sent here on some petty drug charges. Smoked a bit of weed and the cops happened to bust down my door by accident while looking for a serial murderer. Spent all my money and got a great lawyer but I still got some time. I was supposed to be here for 90 days. My time was going to be up six weeks ago. But then...IT happened."

Rudy stops his workout and Mikey begins sniffling.

"The kids...I wonder how they get around out there without me. I...I shouldn't be in here. I don't want to die digging cobalt! What's the point of this? It's not fair! We're people too, aren't we?!"

"No you ain't!"

A guard with a flamethrower torches Mikey and reduces him to ash.

"Quiet time during curfew! You're scum during the day and worth even less at night! Ha ha ha ha!"

The guard suddenly realizes that Rudy is directly behind him.

"H...HOW'D YOU GET OUT OF YOUR CELL?!"

The guard whips around and blasts Rudy with the flamethrower! The flames are mammoth and take up the entire hallway!

"BURN MOTHERSHITCUNT!"

However, Rudy has already taken off all the bars from his cells. He throws them into the flame and they melt in mid-air! The liquid metal covers the asshole guard and his face is forever fixated with an expression of terror as he becomes a statue. Rudy then inhales all of the flame and using his mouth like a blowtorch, welds wheels to the guard statue and bends him into a wheel chair. After having fashioned Mikey's ashes into an adorable teddy bear, he places it in the wheelchair's seat and flings it through the ceiling and into the night sky.

Miles away, a small paraplegic child is dragging himself through an abandoned city street.

"I...I'll never make it...I'm so alone and cold..."

The wheelchair scoops him up and drives him to the home of a middle-aged couple who recently lost their young child and were suffering from deep depression. The three of them became a tight knit family for the rest of their lives.

Back in prison, Rudy stared up through the whole he made in the ceiling and gazed at the night sky. The moon was suddenly eclipsed by a dark figure that descended quickly upon Rudy and drove him through the floor.

"Dayum son," Curtis sighed. "Why couldn't y'all be peaceful-like in my cellblock? Now I'mma have to use your skull to take shits in."

[Spamdini]

Chapter 4

Iron Devil Prison, west block...

Cracking his knuckles and neck, Curtis waits for Rudy to get back to his feet, having dropkicked him into the concrete floor seconds earlier.

"Les' get this ova wit', ya dig?"

Rudy dusts himself off and stands with his arms crossed, waiting for the next attack himself. An irritated Curtis responds with a big black fist to Rudy's cheek! His flesh ripples as he is sent soaring through the air and collides with the prison wall! The wall does not stand the impact as well as Rudy did and he crashes right through several feet of concrete!

Prisoners from throughout the cellblock poke their heads through their cells' bars to see what's going on.

"It's Curtis! He's fighting the new guy!"

"Oh shit, the dumb asshole picked a fight with a cellblock leader! Poor sucker!"

"A carton of smokes on the new guy! He's a tough motherfunker!"

"Ha ha, you're betting against a cellblock leader? Two cartons on Curtis!"

Rudy gets to his feet again and shakes off more dust.

"Nice punch." he states plainly.

A vein begins to throb on Curtis' forehead. He charges full steam at the upstart newbie and unleashes another haymaker to his face! Rudy flies back about twenty feet, but in spite of the increased momentum behind the blow, this time he does not fall!

"You need more heart."

"I'mma rip out yo' heart!"

Curtis charges again and blasts Rudy in the face with yet another huge punch! But this time, Rudy barely bends back from the blow. Curtis grits his teeth and twists his whole body back for another strike!

CRUNCH!

A spray of blood squirts up into the air as Curtis falls backwards from a single punch to the face! As he lands on his back, all the prisoners watching on hang their jaws in disbelief.

"Holy cockfuck! D...did Curtis just fall down from a single punch?!"

Rudy waits with arms crossed for his opponent to get back up. Curiously, Curtis is now smiling. He reaches for the wrapped up object on his back and unravels it, revealing a humongous electric bass guitar! All the prisoners run to the back of their cells.

"Shit! That bastard's gonna use that while we're around!"

What seems to be electricity begins to course through Curtis' right index and middle fingers. Using the rhythm and soul only African-Americans can tap into, Curtis begins to strum the instrument with the powered up fingers and unleashes a hardcore bassline that causes the very ground to tremble! Rudy's body begins to feel heavy as he is seemingly drawn to the prison floor.

"W...what is this?" exclaims a usually unemotional Rudy.

The music keeps playing and several prisoners begin to wail as they feel the effects of the powerful bass, in spite of their distance and the attack not being aimed at them.

"Damn..." Rudy curses. "You'd hurt the cellmates you're sworn to look over? I don't like that!"

Tearing through the solid floor like a mole through dirt, Rudy begins to dig until he out of sight! Curtis stops playing and begins looking around in a panic.

"Dayum, he used dee increased gravity from mah playin' t' dig down quicka! Where'd he go nah?"

Directly under Curtis' feet, he feels a trembling. He barely reacts in time as Rudy fires up through the ground! However, Curtis is able to dodge the attack and aims his bass at Rudy point blank, ready to splatter him into a thick creamy goo!

Except it's not Rudy! It's a beautiful life-like bust of Rosalynn Carter! Curtis admires the craftsmanship momentarily before he realizes the trap he has just fallen into! Right behind him, the real Rudy clasps his hands together and slams them in the back of the head so hard that his eyeballs fire out of his skull and the optic nerves cause them to slingshot back into his skull backwards! The bass goes flying and Curtis stumbles. Rudy jumps into the air and places his hands upon Curtis' head. He begins using the cellblock leader like a pommel horse, swinging his body around in circles with great agility that only a man with great strength and flexibility could manage! After having built enough momentum from the swinging, he grabs Curtis' head under his armpit and drives it into the ground!

"RudyDT!"

The concrete floor cracks open and Curtis' body goes limp. Lying defeated on the ground, Curtis adjusts his eyeballs back into place and looks up at Rudy who is poised to deliver the fatal blow.

"Whachoo waitin' fo'?"

"Bessie Smith.

"Huh?"

"They called her greatest blues singer ever."

"Yeah..."

"You like her music don't you?"

"H...how'd you know?!"

"Your soul...it smells almost sweet."

Both men begin shedding tears.

[Spamdini]

Chapter 5

Assistant Warden Fatty Fat's office...

As he was in the process of scarfing down a pie filled with several smaller pies, a guard burst into the assistant warden's office.

"Sir," the guard exclaimed, "it's awful! Curtis got beat up by the new prisoner!"

Bitchcake is so blown away that he drops his pants and takes a huge shit right there on the floor.

"H...HOW CAN THAT BEEEEEEEE?!"

Bitch takes a gun out of his desk and shoots the guard ten times for no god damn reason! He turns to the shadowed figure in his office and starts screaming at him.

"You son of a bitch! We had a deal! How could your bassist lose to some dick off the streets?!"

"He's not some dick off the streets," the shadowed man replies. He steps out of the shadows and reveals himself to be James Leitch. "Don't worry. We'll pick up where Curtis left off."

"FUUUUUUUUCK! I'm going down there! Get all your men to West Block right away! Follow my orders or you end up a normal bitch prisoner like the rest!"

Leitch just walks out the door without saying a word, though he does swivel his hips and grab his crotch.

Back in West block, the prisoners have all broken out of their cells thanks to a careless guard dropping his keys, leading to a riot breaking out. All the pussy guards were overpowered by the fatigued, but quite upbeat slaves of Iron Devil. The appearance of this hero ignited their spirits and allowed them to have the energy to rebel! Their celebration comes to an abrupt end when the riot squad marches in wearing space suits and firing shotguns that shoot dozens of tiny chainsaws. Countless prisoners are torn to shreds as others cower in fear. Rudy stands tall as the assistant warden rolls a cannon into the room.

"Heh heh, let's see you dodge this asshole!"

The warden lights the fuse and the cannon fires. Rudy is about to dodge but notices that the cannon fired a baby straight at him! If he dodges, the tot dies horribly! Not wanting to sacrifice more innocents, he lets the projectile hit him, thus absorbing the blow!

But it's not really a baby! It's a wolverine dressed up like a baby! And the wolverine just injected Rudy with a syringe full of elephant tranquilizers! Rudy begins to stagger and his visions blurs. In order to stay awake, he severs his carotid artery and lets most of his blood drain out. He then vigorously rubs a dead guard until, through the ancient process of massage-alchemy, transforms him into blood that matches his exact type and transfuses it into his body!

Unfortunately for him, this moment of inattention allows two intimidating figures to bind him with meat hooks attached to chains! The assistant warden and his personal bodyguard step forward.

"Wee hee hee!" fattyface squeals. "You never stood a chance! Not with these guys backing me up!"

The living prisoners all begin to hide in their cells and shake like little girls.

"All the other members of Viscerape are here!" one wuss shouts. "It's over!"

"Viscerape?" Rudy states quizzically so that it requires a question mark.

"You've never heard of Viscerape?!" another cowardly prisoner shouts. "Did you live under a rock? In the old days, they were the most popular band on Earth!"

"That's right!" the assistant warden chirps with a sense of pride and delight in his chunky voice. "But they cut a deal with the warden! Now their frontman, Mr. Leitch here, is my personal bodyguard! And the other four members are the cellblock leaders!"

One of the men binding Rudy, a gigantic Scandinavian, stands upright and holds his fist up in the air while shouting "HIDEBUUUUUUUU!".

"This is North Block's Thor!"

The other man binding Rudy, a mohawked British thug with a horribly burned head lights his head on fire and begins screaming. Not in pain but just because he's fucking rowdy!

"This is East Block's Emperor Fuck!"

The wolverine takes off his baby outfit and makes a devil horn sign with his paw.

"And finally, South Block's Benedict!"

The assistant warden walks up to Rudy and starts eating a twinky stuffed with sushi. But not healthy sushi. Sushi made from fatty tuna and deep fried bacon.

"You've been a baaaaad widdle boy, Mr. Rudy! Now you have to be punished! These fellows certainly don't appreciate that you beat up their friend Curtis! They're gonna make you pay! They're going to beat your ass down until you're nice and dead! Gweeeeeeeeeeeee hee hee hee hee hee!"

But Emperor Fuck grabs his chain and uses it to start swinging Rudy above his head before tossing him up through the ceiling?

"What'd you do that for, Emperor Fuck?" the assistant warden asks in a panic.

"'ee's mine first, guv!"

Emperor Fuck then jumps into a drum mounted on the wall and disappears. Bitchcake jumps around porkily as he throws a tantrum.

"Damn it to fuck! Leitch, can't you control your goons?!"

Leitch remains silent as he wiggles his freakishly long tongue provocatively.

Far off in East Block, Rudy crashes into an immense room lined with various drums and drum sets. He frees himself from the meat hooks and chains just as he's punched in the face by Emperor Fuck. Rudy attempts to retaliate but Emperor Fuck jumps into a drum and seemingly disappears.

"?!" Rudy emotes.

He is suddenly struck in the skull from behind with a Jack Daniels bottle! Using his flaming head, Emperor Fuck proceeds to light the alcohol-drenched Rudy on fire with a headbutt! Before Rudy can put himself out, the crazed blimey is gone!

"Sorry mate! Me powers from th' 'lectric chair gave me th' 'bilty t' teleport through drums, innit?"

"Powers...?"

Rudy remembers back to Curtis and how his fingers were charged with electricity.

"Of course."

Emperor Fuck leaps out of another drum lands a kick with lightning speed! Rudy attempts to give chase, but the Viscerapist drives into a drum just as he's about to strike. Rudy swings his arms in uncharacteristic rage and doesn't even notice another kick to the noggin! He gives chase again, but misses once more.

"'ey mate, ya ain't gonna catch a slipp'ry toad wif a 'tude like that, eh?"

This goes on for a few more minutes as Rudy begins to feel the impact of the hits pile up. Emperor Fuck gives a huge kick to Rudy's chin, but he still doesn't fall.

"Oi, you're tough! T' bad a good lad like ya's gonna bite it, innit?"

Rudy steadies himself and runs after the maniacal drummer. Emperor Fuck leaps into a drum and Rudy delivers a devastating uppercut up through the drumset.

POW!!

"Eh?"

Emperor Fuck is sent flipping through the air after Rudy's uppercut caught him flush on the cheek! He crashes onto the floor and weakly begins to get up.

"'Ow...'ow'd ya do it? Why din't I move to 'nother drum?"

"Easy," Rudy replies. "The electricity tipped me off. You weren't teleporting. It's like a power line. All of your drums are connected by thin cables and your powers allow you to transform your body into electricity and flow through those wires. So all I had to do was cause a blackout!

Emperor Fuck looks at his drums and sees that Rudy had systematically snapped all the wires when he was chasing him around!

"Heh...heh heh...yo' good, mate!"

"Give up. No need to keep fighting like this."

However, a hand helps Emperor Fuck to his feet.

A SKELETON HAND!

[Spamdini]

Chapter 6

Like, thirty seconds after chapter 5....

Helped up by a creepy looking skeleton (as opposed the the benign looking variety), Emperor Fuck begins bobbing his head side-to-side like a human metronome.

"Want ya t' meet me mate 'ere! Say 'ello to Keef!"

"Keith?"

"Keef Moon!"

Even Rudy recognizes that name! The late drummer was world famous for his wild antics, but suffered an early demise as a result of his hedonism.

"Used the dough from me first single t' buy his skeleton from 'is estate! Used 'is femurs as drumsticks, I did! But th' rest o' 'im wants t' scrap some!"

Emperor Fuck extends his fingers and begins manipulating the skeleton like a puppet. The Loon's surprisingly solid remains begins clawing at Rudy with lightning speed and surgical precision. He dodges deftly, but Rudy is left on the defensive. A haymaker by Moon is evaded and Rudy slips behind the skeleton.

"Stupid of you to make the same mistake twice."

Rudy karate chops the strings binding Emperor Fuck's fingers to Keith Moon.

ZAAAAAP!!

Rudy is electrocuted by the strings! Emperor Fuck kicks Rudy towards Moon's skeleton who uses the momentum to German suplex him!

"Ha ha ha! Sorry mate, but this is diff'rent! 'Dese strings are made o' pure 'lectricity! Ya can't break 'em! Give up! You're up 'ginst the greatest two drummers f'all time!"

"Sorry, but I march to the beat of my own drum."

...

SUDDENLY, RUDY FEELS MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PAIN AND BEGINS SCREAMING!

Emperor Fuck is confused, but takes advantage of the situation. He and Moon's skeleton line up on either side of Rudy, each a distance of twenty feet from him. They charge
at full steam and clothesline him in the neck from opposite sides simultaneously! For the first time in this fight, Rudy drops to a single knee.

Through a security camera, Bitchcake is watching the fight. After seeing Rudy falter, he smiles with glee.

"Hee hee hee, this is perfect!"

Leitch, however, is less thrilled.

"That was Emperor Fuck's best attack, and Rudy's barely hurt. He can't win."

"That's not why I'm laughing, fool!" snaps the assistant warden, shoving a chocolate cake sandwich down his gullet. "Now I understand Rudy's weakness! Hee hee hee! He can never beat me now!"

Leitch feathers his hair and makes a devil sign pensively.

Back at the battle, Rudy stands up and steadies himself. Emperor Fuck and the Moon skeleton begin running circles around him, throwing flaming birds through the air in order to draw Rudy's attention! They charge again and use the same double clothesline maneuver!

Rudy boots Emperor Fuck in the face just before the clothesline! Teeth fall out of his torched face as he crumbles to the ground.

"W...why din't the Loon club you too?"

As he falls face first, he notices that the skeleton has been replaced by A WOOL SWEATER!

Elsewhere in the prison, a guard screams as he notices that the sweater his grandmother knitted for him has been replaced with Keith Moon's remains! He didn't WANT Keith Moon's remains for Christmas, for crying out loud!

With Emperor Fuck defeated, Rudy prepares to find the fat fuck who's been a thorn in his side and feed him a fist full of vengeance. However, he hears a faint buzzing sound approaching him and rolls out of the way just as a large drill crashes through the wall right at him! The drill was in fact Benedict!

The dirty little creature cackles and does his spinning drill attack thingy again. Responding in kind, Rudy spins his body rapidly and flings himself at his opponent!

"PSYCHO CRUSHAAAA!"

The larger and more powerful Rudy prevails and Benedict is knocked out of his spin and skids along the ground. Oddly enough, the beast dusts himself off casually and then stands upright!

"Well played, old bean!" says the creature!

Rudy's expression is one of mild shock.

"Ho ho, that is correct! I am capable of speech! You see, my bandmates secured a deal with the warden of this prison commuting their sentences of Soul Obliteration to life in Iron Devil as the leaders of the cellblocks. That's the equivalent of having a twenty year prison sentence commuted to fifty blowjobs by sixteen year old girls. As for myself, the warden used certain connections in order to save the extinction of my species. I was instated as leader of Iron Devil's South Block and hooked up to the same electric chairs that granted great powers to my good friends! As a result, I have become able to communicate freely with human beings in ways that most people cannot!"

Following that little monologue, Benedict takes a keyboard off his back and begins playing soothing elevator music.

"Now face the deadliest power of any Viscerapist. The power...OF PERSUATION!"

Rudy performs another Psycho Crusher and aims it straight at Benedict! The wolverine merely sneers.

"Love is but an ILLUSION created by hormones secreted throughout the human body!"

Rudy's Psycho Crusher deviates from its path and he crashes into the wall. All he can do is stand there shocked.

"Relationships are false standards set by society in order to create family units that can more effectively raise offspring."

Rudy flashes back to his life over the last year. He recalls jumping through a grassy park with a beautiful woman. He remembers a smiling child's face. He remembers birthday candles, hugs, amusement park rides and a gold ring.

"Your ideals are false and must be erased! Concede now!"

Rudy hangs his head low.

"Ho ho ho! Seems as if your mental defenses are not as strong as your physical!"

"...Don't you hate it?" asks Rudy.

"Hate what?"

"When your crown...is made of snakes?"

Benedict notices he has a crown of snakes on! He freaks out and tears the reptiles apart, but fear keeps him motionless as he sees Rudy flipping backwards through the air even though his momentum is carrying him forwards! He is also covered in ice!

Benedict doesn't know what to make of the situation. "Wait, how does that make sense? It's not cold enough for a man to freeze in here!"

Rudy squishes the wolverine as he comes tumbling down.

"RUDYSAULT!"

Benedict is knocked out cold. Rudy stands up and begins to walk away.

"Benedict...your words...they are only half-truths. Walk the path of a human for a while longer and you will know it all..."

Rudy flashes back again as he walks out the door of his house. He shouts upstairs "Honey, I'm going away to fight people and stuff. Thanks for the sex!"

"See ya," she replies.

Back in present time, Rudy sheds copious tears as he walks down the hall towards his next opponent.

;____________________;

[Spamdini]

Chapter 7

Leitch's cell, adjacent to the assistant warden's office...

Bitchcake is massaging Leitch and feeding him grain alcohol while listening to the gentle melodies of Iron Maiden.

"Hee hee hee, this'll be a cinch!" the tubby caretaker of Iron Devil squeals.

"Do we really have time for this? Rudy will likely be here any minute."

"Hee hee, that's ok! I sent Benedict and Thor to slow him down!"

Leitch leaps up, his massive member swaying and knocking Bitchcake to the floor of the extravagantly decorated chamber, which more closely resembles a palace than a jail cell. The roly-poly assistant warden is barely able to get his rotund body upright. "Watch it you lummox!" he screams in what was likely meant to be rage, but sounds rather effeminate instead.

"What did you do that for?! You know that neither one of them stands a chance!"

"That's right, but they can at least hurt him! Plus I know his weakness now! There's no way we can lose! Tee heeeeee!"

Leitch looks angry, though that doesn't stop him from playing some badass air guitar.

"What are you looking at me like that for?!" the assistant warden snaps. "Don't forget that I could just as easily have you slapped in the general population with the rest of this scum! Not to mention your bandmates! Maybe I should tell the doctors to cut off Curtis' life support instead of trying to save his nigger ass!"

Leitch grits his teeth and grabs his bulge, but restrains himself from any violent action. He lays belly down once more.

"No! No more massage, you stuck up rock diva! Get some damn clothes on and get your guitar!"

Due to a series of complicated mazes and tacky wallpaper, Rudy has been forced to take a roundabout way back to the central block where the assistant warden's office is located. He finds himself in the North Block and fdiscovers the temperature here to be far lower than anywhere else in the prison. One prisoner in a parka grabs at Rudy's leg. He is kneeling down, not just because he's begging for Rudy's assistance but because his knees are frozen to the ground.

"P-p-p-please help us! The assistant w-w-w-w-warden loves his m-m-m-m-milkshakes to be ice c-c-c-c-cold so he k-k-k-k-keeps this entire cell block frozen! But it's k-k-k-killing everyone! Can you b-b-b-bring back the warmth...?"

The prisoner shatters into pieces from an icicle dropping on his frozen body. Rudy, in an act of compassion and sympathy, pulls out a chainsaw and a block of ice and sculpts an exact duplicate of the recently deceased prisoner. He takes the eyeballs, the only piece of the man left in one piece, and inserts them into the eye sockets of the ice statue. This way, he can watch the prisoners being freed from their torture.

The ground rumbles as a ten and a half foot monster of a man charges down the hall, unphased by the low temperature.

"UBESHIIIIIIIIII!" Thor hollers as he attempts to ram Rudy. Our hero counters by forming a makeshift grappling hook from discarded fish bones and pubic hair and swinging foot first into the mountainous Scandinavian's throat. Thor coughs up blood and topples over.

But as Rudy walks away, a hand grasps his ankle and throws him into the bars of one of the prison cells! The steel bars bend from the impact and Rudy groans slightly as several long vertical bruises develop on his back.

"GURFRLLLLL!!!"

Thor reaches to the ceiling and tears part of the ceiling off! The ceiling was in fact a fifty foot long guitar in the shape of an axe! Electricity courses through Thor's entire body, granting him the superhuman strength to wield this weapon!

"KRLGSSSSSSSSSH!!"

Thor swings the weapon, destroying a good part of the cellblock as the axe makes contact with the ground. Rudy deftly dodges and shakes his head.

"You won't win. Give in."

Thor, however, holds back his tears as he thinks of his fallen bandmates and Leitch's disappointed face.

"YAGAAARRRR!!"

Thor drives his axe in one of the walls, causing a rain of stone debris to fall upon Rudy and trap him underneath.

When the dust clears, the shattered stone wall has been used to construct a Sligurfaanz booth. Sligurfaanz is a festival back in Thor's native Sweden where children piss on the snow and try to pass it off as frozen taffy to immigrants and retards. The nostalgia causes Thor's eyes to well with tears. The tears freeze and Thor's vision is obscured! He flails his lengthy limbs around blindly, but they reach nothing. Rudy, however, is able to reach Thor! He lifts the giant high up above his head in a suplex position! He jumps straight up in the air while still holding his opponent and comes crashing down, driving his elbow into Thor's solar plexus as the final cellblock leader collides with the ground!

"RUDYHAMMER!"

A crater forms where Thor is smashed into the floor by Rudy's elbow. As he passes out, Thor hopes for the best. He hopes that Rudy is able to free them...especially their leader...from their servitude to the devil.

After much maneuvering through Iron Devil's complicated corridors, Rudy finds himself in a spacious room in center block, face-to-face with none other than James "Killfuck" Leitch.

Rudy stands with his arms crossed.

Leitch is swiveling his hips.

Bitchcake is jerking off with a chocolate éclair.

Final round!

[Spamdini]

Chapter 8

Iron Devil prison, central block, Fight Place auditorium

Rudy cracks his knuckles and motions for Leitch to approach him. Leitch snaps the waistband of his leather sweatpants and extends his arm out, palm facing upwards. A small black hole appears in his palm and hovers in mid-air. Using his heavy metal virtuoso fingers, he pries the hole open so that is is now about 4 feet wide. From within, he pulls out his awesomely powerful, horror-inspiring, 8-necked asterisk guitar!

"Sorry, Mr Rudy," Leitch growls, stooped over intimidatingly with his freakishly long tongue wagging in the breeze. "But I must...BLOW YOUR MIND!"

"Yesssssss!" the assistant warden squeals in ecstasy. "Kill his ass so hard!"

Leitch plays a face melting guitar solo, incorporating all eight of the necks into the blazingly fast licks that Satan himself would sell his soul in order to perform! The fat on the assistant warden's face begins to ripple from the intensity! Smoke is emitted from Letich's fingers as the strings begin to reach the highest temperature that they can tolerate, in spite of being make from the pubic hair of nubile virgins! After 11 minutes and 42 seconds of furious guitar mastery, Leitch stops and looks at his opponent.

Rudy is unfazed!

"What is this shit?!" the assistant warden yelps.

"I apologize," Rudy replies. "I do not care for heavy metal much. Too showy."

"Don't care...for heavy metal?" Leitch asks, outright stunned.

Bitchcake falls on his ass and wets himself in fear. "My god, so there ARE some people still like that in this modern society who don't need the warm embrace of heavy metal rocking in order to survive the horrors of this world we live in!" He turns to Leitch. "Do something!"

"Sorry, that's my only power."

"YOUR ONLY POWER?!"

"Yeah." Leitch tears his shirt off and carves a pentagram into his chest.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Rudy begins to step towards the assistant warden. Bitchcake squirms his tubby body over to a switch on the wall and smiles.

"Luckily, I still know your weakness! How about THIS?!"

The switch is pulled and a large sack is lowered onto the floor. The bag shifts around for a few seconds and then a small kitten climbs out with the words "DIE FAGORT" painted on its back. It licks itself and walks away.

"Hmph," Rudy grunts. "Guess the cat's out of the bag now."

...

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

Rudy collapses on the ground in pain and is unable to move! Leitch flexes his muscles in curiosity. The assistant warden is elated.

"Gwee hee hee! I saw it when you fought Emperor Fuck! Your weakness is bad puns! Whenever you say one, your body is racked with pain! Leitch, isn't there ANYTHING else you can do to attack him?"

"How about I use my other powers?"

"What?! You have other powers after all?!"

"Yes. I can EAT TIME AND SPACE!"

Leitch demonstrates by eating a chair. Not only does the chair disappear, but the total size of the room shrinks at that portion of space has been consumed by Leitch.

"AMAZING! Now consume Rudy!"

"Can't."

"Why not?!"

"I'm full now!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

"I can also turn fire into wind."

"HOW IS THAT USEFUL NOW?!"

"Well, I could just punch him and shit."

"YES! BREAK HIS NECK!"

Leitch begins to move closer to the wounded Rudy. The fallen hero tries to will his body to move, but is unable to get any response out of his tortured limbs. He needs more time! Time he doesn't have. Leitch struts in front of Rudy and lifts a veiny fist in the air.

"Goodbye Rudy," he whispers.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A random prisoner runs in the way and dives between Rudy and Leitch. He expects to intercept Leitch's fist with his body. His timing is off however so he just ends up up sliding into a meat grinder while Rudy takes a punch to the face.

"Kill him!" the assistant warden yells. "Stop wasting time!"

Leitch charges his fist full of electricity. "Goodbye Rudy. Again."

"WAIT!"

All heads look towards the doorway where a bandaged up Curtis is standing.

"Curtis!" Leitch exclaims.

"James...don't kill Rudy."

"Oh, ok."

Leitch lowers his arm. Bitchcake, trembling in terror, begins to make a break for the emergency exit. However, a gigantic hand palms his face, stopping him from waddling any further.

"DOOFGAAAAAH!" the enraged Thor hollers. Emperor Fuck and Benedict come out and stand beside their bandmates as well. Thor tosses Bitchcake across the room until he slams into something solid. The assistant warden looks up and sees that the solid object was Rudy. He begins to shuffle backwards, soiling himself in fright. As he shuffles backwards, he runs into another rock solid object. It's James Leitch.

"Threatened me and my band, eh? That was pretty retarded, lardass!"

"Damn right James!" Curtis chimes in.

"Guess we'd better teach him a lesson!"

Leitch takes his asterisk guitar and wills it to hover in mid-air. He takes the assistant warden and ties his arms and legs to four of the necks in an X-formation.

"W...what are you going to do to me?" the assistant warden utters in a panic.

"We're gonna give you the same death that we give to dicks who crash our after party to try to assassinate us. I'm gonna spin you around until your body is ripped apart by the power of CENTRIFUGAL FORCE!"

"NO! NOT CENTRIFUGAL FORCE!"

"That's right, asscock! You threatened to kill my friends so I'm going to threaten to kill you. Then I really will kill you! \m/,"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Rudy, sorry about the trouble this fuck caused. We cool bro?"

Rudy gives a thumbs up. He has also grilled everyone hamburgers from the prisoner who fell into the meat grinder. The Viscerapists enjoy their first taste of human flesh and find it to be less appealing than they had imagined it would be. A very strong flavor to the point of being overpowering.

Leitch grabs the top of one of the guitar necks and prepares to spin the guitar like a wheel.

"Later, cuntwad!"

But suddenly, a large imposing hand grabs Leitch's wrist and keeps him from budging his arm! Just as Letich turns around to see who stopped him, a mighty fist collides with his face and sends him crashing into the wall across the room! Everyone is rendered speechless in shock! Bitchcake cranes his neck sideways to see who saved him.

"W...WARDEN!"

The man who just downed James Leitch in a single punch steps into the light and begins smoking three cigarettes at once.

"Hello gentlemen. I'm Warden Ernie Hudson."

[Vinny]

NOT CENTRIFUGAL FORCE.

This promo was ESPECIALLY AWESOME.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Sorry, that's my only power.

[Yogurtman]

I like the fact that he says that, then later declares that he can EAT SPACE AND TIME.

[Big Fagot]

He never ate any time.

[Spamdini]

Because he was full.

[Spamdini]

Chapter 9

Central block, face-to-face with Warden Ernie Hudson...

None of the Viscerapists could react in time to catch their leader as he sailed through the air. All eyes are on the enigmatic warden that only the assistant warden and Leitch had ever met. Warden Hudson takes a haul off his three cigarettes and flicks them all, each one striking Thor, Benedict and Emperor Fuck respectively and knocking them over!

"Daaaaaaaaaaymn!" Curtis exclaims blackily. "You think you kin' waltz in heeah 'n mess with Viscerape?! I'mma gonna invade yo' man pussy with mah fist!"

Curtis charges head on at the warden. "Die nigga!"

"No one calls Ernie Hudson a nigger!"

Hudson takes a boxing stance and uppercuts Curtis right in the chin just as his head is in range. His brain shaking around in his skull, Curtis is dead in his tracks and his body won't even respond to his thoughts. The warden picks the black muscle machine up and puts him in a brainbuster position!

"You may have seen this move before," the warden calmly begins to explain. I taught it to my cousin Koko B. Ware back in the 80's and he used it as his finisher. However, I never taught him the MURDEROUS VERSION! I'm about to use the murderous version on you, you see."

Leitch weakly gets to his hands and knees. "C...Curtis!" he screams as he grimaces metalishly.

"GHOSTBUSTER!" the warden screams as he drops down, driving poor Curtis' skull into the ground with the intention of cracking it wide open!

CRRRRRRRRRRACK!

All of the Viscerapists look on in shock! Curtis is...alive?! He's also very clean as well as dust and particle-free!

"What in the world?" the warden blurts in surprise. He sees in his hand a small vacuum and realizes that during the attack, Rudy had turned the attack from a Ghostbuster into a Dustbuster!

"You think you're rather clever, don't you little man? I was told to keep you here and keep you alive as a special request, but you're beginning to be more trouble than it's worth. Maybe I should kill every prisoner here and make you work the mines alone! Or maybe I should mount your face on my trophy wall next to those rhinos I murdered!"

"Yeah, you tell him warden!" Bitchcake chimes in, still tied to the asterisk guitar. "But, uh, could you free me first please? Then I'll tell you his weakness! Gwee hee hee, he'll be so easy to kill once you know that!"

Warden Hudson walks over to the floating asterisk guitar and rips off the four necks that Bitchcake's climbs are bound to. He also rips off Bitchcake's limbs in the process!

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WARDENNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"Anthony, you weak pathetic fool! I don't need to know his weakness and I don't need to play dirty. You couldn't even keep one man in check? Then what good are you to me?!"

After having tied Bitchcake back to the guitar, Hudson throws it like a shuriken straight at Rudy! Rudy does not move and allow the guitar to embed itself in his shoulder, much to the warden's surprise.

"Why didn't you dodge?"

Rudy clenches his teeth in pain and looks up at the warden. "If I did, the assistant warden would have died. I didn't want that blood on my hands..."

"R...Rudy..." says the assistant warden, tears in his fat eyes.

"I wanted...THIS blood on my hands!"

He explodes Bitchcake's stomach to pieces with a single punch! The assistant warden dies of a heart attack once he sees all the food in his belly leaving him and being wasted!

"Ha ha ha, you should just behave you know!" the warden chuckles. "You still have a chance to live! You can be my new assistant warden. That person never said you have to stay here in a jail cell."

Rudy strokes his chin, then shakes his head. "No. I have somewhere to be. I have to go now."

"Like hell you are!" The warden jump kicks Rudy in the face with a surprising amount of speed for a man of his build. Rudy returns the favor with a punch to the warden's face, but feels the bones in his fingers beginning to fracture from hitting such a solid object. He follows up with a kick to the gut, but the warden catches Rudy's foot with his abs. Still holding the foot with his gut, Warden Hudson begins spinning around in a circle, spinning Rudy with him. He finally lets go and Rudy is sent flying into one of the few remaining walls in the room.

"You've got style Rudy. That's rare nowadays, even before America was abandoned by the world. I don't know who brought you up, but whoever is was taught you well. However, your class can't beat my GRIT!"

To show his toughness, the warden reaches into a closet and pulls out an incredibly aged steer, clearly on its deathbed. Hudson uses a series of karate chops to kill the steer and chop it up into steaks! He begins to eat these raw steaks without so much as cooking or tenderizing it! Rudy can't believe how rugged he must be to eat steak that tough!

"That's the difference between you and me! Prison life is hard life. You wouldn't be able to last here anyways. Goodbye, prissy boy!"

The warden swings his fist at his opponent, but Rudy is no longer there! He is soaring through the air and lands on the warden's head! Placing his hands upon Hudson's skull, he begins swinging his body around like the warden was a pommel horse!

"Th...the attack he used on me!" a newly conscious Curtis exclaims. "The RudyDT!"

However, Warden Hudson merely scoffs. "Fancy looking moves like that are NOTHING!" He jumps up and headbutts Rudy in the solar plexus, sending him flying upwards. He crashes into the ceiling and comes tumbling down, only to be caught by the warden who sets his up for a Ghostbuster!"

"They don't nickname me Death Row for nothing! Prepare for your execution!"

"RUUUDY!" the Viscerapists yell in harmony.

But before the warden can nail his fatal finisher, a UPS deliveryman walks into the room. In spite of his shorts, he has yet to be raped by the inmates of the prison.

"I have a package here for Warden Ernie Hudson."

Hudson signs off on the package and the deliveryman leaves. He opens it up and within is a pillow with the words "Put Rudy down" embroidered on it.

"Ok, oh," says the warden as he complies to the pillow's wishes. By the time he realizes that he's been tricked, it's too late!

"OH NO!"

"RUDY PUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!"

Rudy punches the warden, putting his fist right through his torso!

"HE DID IT!" the Viscerapists cheer. They all begin to play wicked on their instruments in jubilation. The warden clutches his wound and falls to his knees.

"URGH! I...I can't believe it. Class AND grit? What a deadly combo. You had to have embroidered that pillow and sent it to be delivered during the brief moment in which I was fighting Curtis. That takes some skill. And that punch. It felt like I was being gored by an elephant make of diamond. I'm impressed..."

Rudy takes out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on. "Your reign of terror is over. Iron Devil will longer be a slave pit!"

"Heh...heh heh heh heh..."

Ernie Hudson stands up and reveals the gaping hole in his chest. However, there is no blood coming out!

"?!"

"You see...after I was crippled during the making of the Substitute...I made a deal...I have long sold my soul for power...I am no longer just a man...for you see..."

A GIANT STONE HAND BURSTS FROM THE GROUND UNDER RUDY AND GRABS HIM TIGHT! ERNIE HUDSON CRUMBLES INTO CLAY AND MERGES WITH THE FLOOR OF THE PRISON! A LARGE FACE PROTRUDES FROM THE FLOOR AND CACKLES MANICALLY!

"You see...I AM IRON DEVIL PRISON!"

[Action Hank]

Shit!

[My Head Hurts 90]

Fucking fuck this is awesome.

[Big Fagot]

Of course that last chapter deserves accolades, but I'm going to go against the grain and instead remark on how insanely perfect "Now I'mma have to use your skull to take shits in" is.

[Servbot]

I must know how this ends!

[Spamdini]

FINAL CHAPTER

Within Iron Devil Prison, fused with Ernie Hudson...

Rudy struggles to free himself from the stone hand's grasp, but to no avail. The face in the ground cackles madly and opens its mouth wide. Like a piece of popcorn, Rudy is flung down the gullet of the hideous beast and is swallowed whole! A deathly silence rings through the room, followed by the screams of prisoners throughout the prison as the building shakes and walls and ceilings begin to collapse! Iron Devil Prison is moving!

"I'M GOING TO GO WALK SOMEWHERE!" screams Ernie Hudson/Iron Devil. The prison grows a set of feet and begins running retardedly towards Iowa. Within the crazed building, the Viscerapists are just gaining their bearings.

"Fock!" exclaims Emperor Fuck, his head no longer ignited due to his panic sweat. "We gots t' get outta 'ere!"

"No..." All eyes turn to Curtis who makes it to his feet. "The warden was a jive cockfucker, but we still ah the cellblock leaders heah. We needs to put an end to this!"

"Now that's talking metal!" Leitch screams. "C'mon boys, we're gonna save Rudy!"

"But 'ow?"

"With the power...OF OUR ROCK!"

Leitch summons his asterisk guitar to him. Octopus arms immediately grow out of the four broken necks to make a living Octopus-Asterisk Guitar and it's super goddamn hardcore! The rest of the band whips out their instruments and they begin playing!

"All right," Leitch groans suggestively. "Use all of your heavy metal electric might and channel it into this mind-blowing jam!"

Raaaaaaaaaaaaging!
Halls as dark as night!
Buuuuuuuuuuuuurning!
Cells tiny and tight!
Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilling!
Guards with guts in their hands!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucking!
Gotta obey their demands!

No one can stop the bloody genocide!
All a man can do is run and hide!
But there comes a time to make a stand!
So break free with this metal band!

IRON DEVIL! Stop trying to hold us down!
Just because you can’t get any pussy on your soiled ground!
IRON DEVIL! Tonight you’re gonna die!
Because Rudy and Viscerape are going to rape you in the eye!


Claaaaaaaaaaaaawing!
A demon of stone holds my brothers fast!
Buuuuuuuuuuuuurning!
His soul made from evils of the past!
Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiting!
Death row convicts sweating and crying!
Huuuuuuuuuuuuuurting!
So many innocent men dying!

A great rage lives on in my blackened heart!
In here and out there are worlds apart!
This place has got to break down and crumble!
Ready for a heavy metal rumble?!

IRON DEVIL! Stop trying to hold us down!
We'll rape you in that land of the brown!
IRON DEVIL! Tonight you’re gonna die!
Because Rudy and Viscerape are going to impale you in the thigh!

Leitch begins to play an intense guitar solo, moving his hands so fast that they disconnect from his body and begin to fly around in the air playing the guitar on their own! All five men start to crackle with electricity! A rat passing by explodes from the intensity! The power begins to flow freely from their bodies and the power starts to pour into Iron Devil's floor! A circle of energy grows bright and the ground begins to crack open!

IRON DEVIL! Stop trying to hold us down!
You'd better put on your best Sunday gown!
IRON DEVIL! Tonight you’re gonna die!
Because Rudy and Viscerape are going to SEE THAT YOU FRYYYYYYYYY!

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

RUDY SHOOTS UP THROUGH THE GROUND LIKE A ROCKET! THE PRISON BEGINS TO WAIL IN AGONY AND ITS LEGS EXPLODE, BRINGING THE PRISON TO A STANDSTILL ONCE MORE!

"Quick, let's get out of here!" Leitch yells to his bandmates. They use Emperor Fuck's teleporting thingy and warp outside of the prison. However, Rudy isn't there! Leitch is mega pissed.

"You blimey fuck! You forgot Rudy! Go back and get him!"

"Chief...me powers...dey're gone!"

All of the Viscerapists notice that their powers no longer work. Not even Thor's! Inside of Iron Devil, Rudy digs his fingers into one of the walls. Using intense unrealistic strength, he lifts up the entire prison and puts it on his shoulder!

"W...what are you doing?!" the prison screams.

"Killing you! Even you can't survive a STONE COLD STUNNER FROM WITHIN!"

Sweat flying off his brow and blood squirting from exploding veins on his forehead, Rudy grits his teeth and jumps up high in the air! He drops to the ground and the impact is PHENOMENAL! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! The prison starts to break apart and the face on the floor screams in pain before melting away!

BUT ERNIE HUDSON'S UPPER BODY POPS OUT OF THE WALL AND PUTS RUDY IN A HEADLOCK!

"GRRAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU'RE....GONNA DIE....TOO!"

Rudy smiles. "Not without being a gentleman about it."

Rudy breaks off Hudson's arms, freeing himself from the hold! He proceeds to punch Hudson so hard his entire body cracks! But the cracks take the form of Botticelli's The Birth of Venus. Hudson stands there grinning.

"Heh heh...tits..."

He stops moving. Rudy admires his last creation.

"Beautiful..."

Iron Devil crumbles to pieces. Viscerape watches with tears in their eyes as their hero valiantly gave his life to free them from its tyranny. Leitch turns to his men, his snake tongue also crying as is wags in the air.

"Men, we shall never forget that brave man and his sacrifice! We must make the best of the life given to us! We will liven up the hearts of those who have fallen into despair! Our metal will be used to save America! It is what Rudy would have wanted!

And so the band marched into the horizon. Their new quest was clear. Though it would be a long and difficult job, they knew that with hard work it could be done! For there was once a man who found impossible odds in order to bring back light to darkness. The legend did not die with Iron Devil. It only just begun...

HOLY SHIT! IT'S THE END!

[Vinny]

GODDAMNED FUCKING SHIT YEAH FUCK YEAH YES!!