Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Spamdini]

Rudy is based on an ex-bodybuilding champ of Quebec. How he evolved into the character in this story, I have no clue.

[Spamdini]

The ground is cracking open all around the arena and fans keep falling into the endless chasm below. In spite of this, not a single fan is leaving their seat, too engrossed with the action to budge. One man slowly stands up and begins to make his way towards the exit, but he is quickly mauled to death for trying to leave before it's over. Over by the announcers’ table, the floor begins to come apart under Michael Cole and Jesse "The Mind" Ventura.

Cole: Fuck! We're gonna die!

Ventura: Stop your whining and leave this to me.

Ventura sits on the table and crosses his legs, taking a meditative position. His massive cranium begins to glow, the aura expanding around the entire announcer's table as well as Michael Cole, causing them to levitate in mid-air above the abyss that is down where their spot used to be.

Cole: In-incredible!

Ventura: There is no Heaven or Hell. There is only the Mind. But don't go gushing, queerbait. I only spared you because then I'd have no one to insult.

In spite of the chaos all around them, both von Toitys stand tall in the ring and charge forward at each other. They exchange blow after blow to one another's face, neither budging an inch as theiy are pounded by these devastating haymakers. HvT flings a right hand, but has it countered by King von Toity into an armbar. The wrestling hold is quickly broken when HvT kicks von Toity hard in the face, causing him to disengage the hold. Lifting his opponent high in the air, HvT brings him down with a massive powerbomb! But the powerbomb is countered into a huracanrana by von Toity who grabs HvT's head with his legs and drives his skull into the mat. More blood shoots out from HvT's head wound but he doesn't care as his kips up to his feet and both men face each other once more!

50% of the fans have fallen into the pit to Hell now. The stadium is crumbling quickly.

With both men starting off where they began, they begin to trade blows once more. This time, however, HvT is able to overcome von Toity and sends him reeling with a stiff left jab to the face. Leaning against the ropes, von Toity wipes the blood trickling from his broken nose while HvT stands proud across the ring, beckoning him to bring it on.

Cole: HvT’s got the upper hand, folks!

But von Toity sneers.

von Toity: I must admit, you are a lot stronger than I gave you credit for. Your power, skill, technique and speed; they are all comparable with mine. You also have the heart of the fans and a great passion for victory. However, you are still lacking one thing compared to me. Experience! Let me show you why I am considered one of wrestling's foremost geniuses!

Grabbing the top rope, von Toity whips it across the ring, stretching like a rubber band and wrapping behind HvT’s neck! Fully taut, it whips back towards its original position and takes HvT with it as it snaps back like the elastic on a pair of boxers. Von Toity pats his bicep twice while flexing and leaps forward with his elbow bent 90 degrees, his arm forming a sickle shape. The clothesline connects with HvT’s throat as he is being dragged by the back of the neck by the rope, creating a devastating double whammy to his neck.

von Toity: NICK BERG CLOTHESLINE!

An x-ray image of HvT’s neck shows the vertebrae fracturing slightly from the attack as the impact sends him sailing into the air.

Cole: HE DAMN NEAR DECAPITATED HIM WITH THAT CLOTHESLINE!

With HvT still spinning in the air from the clothesline, von Toity jumps up after him and puts him in a DDT.

von Toity: Behold another one of my brilliant new moves! 3-DDT!

Von Toity uses his legs to grab HvT’s head while still holding him with his arm. The result is an impact so great that HvT’s head is actually embedded in the mat!

Ventura: Fuck! King von Toity is so awesome! He’s just debuted two moves we’ve never even seen before and has HvT looking like a total retard with his head buried in the ring!

Random fan: C’mon HvT! You can do it! You can beat-ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Another section of seats falls apart as thousands more plummet into Hell. Only about 25% of the fans remain, more concerned they won’t be able to see the outcome of the match than with eternal damnation. Fortunately, the match is in fact being aired on big screen HDTVs lined all along the walls of Hell so that those falling to their doom can still watch. Thousands of miles below the Earth’s surface in that unholy ethereal plane, demons and damned souls alike are on their feet hooting and hollering!

von Toity: You won’t be dying before I make you suffer, worm!

With HvT’s head firmly planted in the mat, he’s helpless as von Toity grabs his legs and begins pulling him backwards, applying a submission hold. With his spine bending awkwardly, HvT’s screams of pain are muffled by the mat. He struggles to free himself, but the 3-DDT has stuck him in too deeply to loosen himself.

von Toity: Don’t bother trying! This is my most brutal submission attack yet! THE SPINE FUCKER!

In order to add extra pressure and leverage, von Toity plants both his feet on HvT’s back while still pulling down on his legs. The sound of vertebrae cracking is now clearly audible to all those who are still alive and present in the arena. HvT’s extremities start to go numb as his nervous system is in the process of being forcefully torn apart. The sounds of fans cheering “HVT! HVT!” begins to soften as more and more men and women who shelled our all their hard-earned dollars find themselves tumbling to their demise, leaving their loved ones behind to fend for themselves in this cruel, goon-filled world. Naturally, none of them have any regrets.

Cole: Man alive, how is HvT not being torn in half by this cruel attack?!

Ventura: The von Toitys are a stout, muscular lot. While a normal wrestler would be in two pieces at this point, trying to scoop up their entrails off the ground, HvT’s robust physique has kept him alive. However, it’s only a matter of time before his snaps like a dry twig and we have a winner in this barbaric display.

Jesse “The Mind” Ventura uses telekinesis to levitate a Dr. Pepper over to him.

Not only is HvT in a seemingly inescapable submission hold, but the repeated damage to his skull punctuated by the 3-DDT has left his head heavily wounded to the point that the mat is being dyed red by the blood seeping out.

HvT: UNGGGGGGGGGGGH! My-my fans!

The HvT cheers are now nearly silent as his fan contingent is practically depleted.

von Toity: Ha ha ha, base fool! Your partners are all gone, your fans are dead, you are alone with me in this hellhole of a ring! You don’t stand a chance on your own!

HvT: I…I…

von Toity: You give up? I don’t care! I’m breaking you in half anyways!

HvT: I…I STILL HAVE MY FIGHTING SPIRIT!

HvT’s passion burns so mightily that his body temperature rises to inhuman levels! His head even manages to melt the mat around him, allowing him to free himself! Von Toity accidentally falls backwards as his opponent comes loose and he stumbles back RIGHT TOWARDS THE ROPES! HE FALLS! VON TOITY FALLS OUT OF THE RING!

Von Toity: F-FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

At the last second, he catches the bottom rope and saves himself from falling to his doom. As he wipes the sweat from his brow, he barely avoids shitting himself in terror as he sees a rage-filled HvT standing in the ring looking down at him as he hangs on by a thread.

von Toity: H-hey now, don’t do anything too hasty. I’m you, remember?

HvT: I…AM NOT YOU!!!

Von Toity’s eyes bulge in terror as he sees HvT’s hand lunge forth! Except instead of knocking him from his one handhold and sealing his fate, he grabs von Toity and brings him back into the ring.

von Toity: You…saved me? Why would you…?

HvT repeatedly smashes von Toity in the face over and over again with his superheated fiery skull!!! Blood flies everywhere as von Toity’s face swells into a hamburger meat/tomato hybrid and all his teeth are freed from his mouth!!! HvT’s own head wound opens, but he doesn’t even care as von Toity’s eyes aren’t even pointing in the same direction anymore!!!

HvT: IT’S OVER FOR YOU, DEVIL!

THOUSAND DOLLAR DREAM! HvT wraps his arms around von Toity’s neck and he’s got him locked in for his finisher!!! HE TAKES TO THE AIR!!!

Ventura: HOLY SHIT! THIS IS IT COLE! HVT HAS THE THOUSAND DOLLAR DREAM ON VON TOITY! AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE MONTHS, THIS EPIC BATTLE IS COMING TO ITS CONCLUSION! WE’RE THE ONLY ONES LEFT ALIVE TO SEE THIS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

Cole: Mind, I…I think I’m gay and in love with you.

Ventura: F-FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

That last bit of news just destroyed Jesse Ventura’s sanity completely, causing him to lose his concentration and both he and Michael Cole fall into the chasm below.

In the air descending upon the ring post, HvT thinks back to everything that had transpired in these last few weeks. Being whisked away to this Earth; having his head cut off and stuffed in a jar; being saved by Macho Man Randy Savage and given a new body; forming a stable with von Toity’s other enemies; training intensely for this match and learning a lifetime’s worth of battle techniques in 14 short days; fighting and defeating Wilson P. Hickenbottom; squaring off with King Hoity von Toity for complete control of FTUW…IT ALL ENDS NOW!

BOOOOOOOOM! If there were any fans left, they’d all be standing there speechless at this grand spectacle.

von Toity: H…v…T…

HvT: …

von Toity: Too bad.

VON TOITY IS HANDSTANDING ON THE RING POST! THE THOUSAND DOLLAR DREAM FAILED! HVT’S HEAD WOUND WAS TOO MUCH AND HE COULDN’T KEEP THE HOLD LOCKED IN THE WHOLE TIME! HE WAS ONLY RUNNING ON FUMES AND NOW HIS STRENGTH HAS RUN OUT! VON TOITY USED HIS ARMS TO BRACE THE IMPACT AND HE IS PERFECTLY FINE!

Using his legs, von Toity grabs the near-dead HvT and flings him into the ring. HvT manages to rise, but is only able to unleash measly blows that barely faze the Richonian lord. A feeble punch is caught by von Toity who whips behind HvT and sets up his own finisher.

von Toity: FORTUNE 216!!!

CRUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH! The impact of the move breaks every single one of HvT’s bones! An x-ray view of his skull shows that it is fissuring everywhere and is on the verge of destruction. AND YET HVT GETS UP!

HvT: I…can’t…lose…fans…people…help…

von Toity: I SAID STAY DOWN!

Von Toity locks in HvT’s own Thousand Dollar Dream and leaps into the air! He comes crashing down with HvT on the receiving end of his own finisher and then SKWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!! HvT’s skull collides with the ring post with an epic impact! Exhausted, von Toity lets go of his opponent and falls into the ring. The post is being painted red by the non-stop blood flowing from HvT’s shattered skull as he remains upside-down where he landed.

HvT: Must…win…

His eyes roll back in his head and he teeters towards the outside of the ring. As useless as a rag doll, he cannot even begin to save himself as he heads for the great abyss below.

VON TOITY JUST GRABBED HVT BY THE ARM! HE SAVED HIM FROM CERTAIN DEATH!

von Toity: I told you you’re not getting off that easy!

He tosses HvT in the ring and makes the pin! The ref, who had been taking heavy hits of PCP just to ignore the chaos all around him, makes the count.

ONE!

TWO!

…THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

KING HOITY VON TOITY WINS! VON TOITY WINS! HE IS THE VICTOR AND STILL OWNER OF FTUW!

There is only one fan left alive in the upper most row. Drunkenly, he boos and tries to throw his beer bottle at the ring, but slips and falls in down into the fiery pit. The referee tries to call for a medic, but realizes that there’s no escape! Not wanting to suffer the fall into Hell, he manages to pull off his own head and throws it into the air as he dies.

The ring is now tilting and falling into the pit! Slipping, von Toity searches around in desperation for something to grab onto. He finally manages to latch onto the hole in the mat where he had planted HvT’s head with his 3-DDT and hangs on for dear life. Not a moment too soon, salvation comes in the form of a rope ladder.

Leitch: Grab on, you hardcore motherfuckers!

Viscerape’s Hell-Yeah-Cock-Her (helicopter) hovers above the sinking stadium with James Leitch piloting it while receiving a blowjob. The rope ladder is actually woven from pubic hairs of 10,000 groupies who were forced to groom to meet Viscerape’s standards of boneability. Von Toity manages to take hold of the ladder, but notices HvT slipping down. He reaches out to grab him, but he’s too far away! He is saved from falling into Hell only when his bootlace becomes entangled on the ring post!

von Toity: Lower this damn thing so I can grab him!

The quakes and fire pillars beginning to emerge make staying there a single moment longer too risky, however. With one last ounce of strength, HvT grabs something off one of the remaining pieces of solid ground and tosses it to von Toity. It’s the urn with Charles Artemis’ remains! Then with a faint smile, the bootlace breaks and HvT falls, disappearing from sight as the Hell-Yeah-Cock-Her flies up and away from the site of the chaos. Clutching the urn, von Toity looks back to where his great battle occurred and sees the walls finally caving in, leaving nothing left of Metalrapia Iron Cock Arena.

This site will become well known as a hangout spot for hardcore metalheads who want to as close to Hell as possible. Inevitably, there are many drunken casualties as people slip in or jump in on a dare. There will never, however, be as many casualties as that one fateful day when 100,000 strong came to see 10 men fight each other for the supremacy of wrestling’s greatest show and none would leave with their lives.

[My Head Hurts 90]

Everyone read this now.

[Vinny]

That was incredible.

The face of post-apocalyptic America has been changed forever.

*adds giant hole to Hell on FTUW map*
_________________

[bitter gigatron]

Spamdini style is so awesome! I love Spamdini's little touches. I am still dying at Hell having HDTVs lined up on the walls so the people gradually falling to Hell can still watch and the ref pulling off his own head.



A binary Masterpiece!

[Spamdini]

EPILOGUE

A week later at a Nouveau-Richonian hospital...

Hooked up to what seems like an innumerable amount of medical equipment, King Hoity von Toity sleeps soundly. His wounds from his battle were significant, but not life threatening and he is expected to be back on his feet lording over his land before long. The urn with Artemis' ashes rests on the table beside the bed, still intact as a result of HvT's last act before descending to his demise.

Outside the room, Chief Fisting Falcon and Wilson P. Hickenbottom stand there bandaged up but able to walk under their own power. They take one last look at their sleeping leader before closing the door.

"So you're sure about this?" Wilson asks.

"I'm afraid so," Fisting Falcon replies. "Without my Invincible Palm, I am no longer worthy of being the World Savior's protector. I must return to my village in order to repent for my crimes and perhaps find a successor to my position. I am sorry to hear about your father, by the way."

Wilson cleans his glasses, stone-faced as ever. "Hmm, I did not know him terribly well. I came to be in the service of his majesty von Toity at a very young age. We rarely talked and I was not even aware of his sickness. However, with my father now deceased, I must now fulfill the Hickenbottom legacy and return to my native Denmark. Still...I worry."

"..." Fisting Falcon emotes while looking into the distance.

Wilson puts his glasses on and looks back at King von Toity with concern. "Do you think he'll be alright? Charles and Sinclair are dead. He'll be alone for the first time in his life."

"He's the richest man on Earth. I'm sure he'll get on just fine. Besides, his role is one he must take on by himself."

With a pair of nods and polite handshakes, the two members of von Toity's Elite Guard head their separate ways.

Inside the hospital room, von Toity begins to stir from his slumber. He lifts his eyelids open upon hearing a familiar voice.

"So? How did it feel? It's been a while since you had a real fight."

Von Toity just lies there silent.

"Now do you understand what I loved about it? The thrill of the fight."

"I...guess..." von Toity replies.

"You don't sound so sure."

Von Toity barely manages to prop himself up with his heavily wounded body, but does manage to do so in order to sit pensively. "If only it was a real one-on-one match. HvT had to fight so hard and took so much abuse. Was I really strong enough to win on my own, or was it because of my team?"

"Guess you'll never know."

"I..." von Toity grunts clenching his broken right hand, "I want to try again!"

Floating above the urn is the ghost of Charles Artemis, chuckling. "Well, then you know what to do."

A week after that...

Reporters fill the conference room to capacity, the meeker ones crushed under the iron-spiked heels of the giants who work for the Goon tabloids. Sitting alone at the table in front is King Hoity von Toity. "Thank you for joining me today."

"King von Toity," one reporter shouts, "now that you've secured ownership of FTUW, will you get the league back to active status? Dolph Lundgren in Gay Fag Genocide has been on hiatus ever since this whole Ultimate Survivor Series affair started."

"Will you stay with a ninja as your Nouveau-Richonian representative?" another chimes in.

"Will there be any more events in Metalrapia given the chaos that ensued?" asks yet another.

"There are rumors that The Illusionist is dead. Will there be a tournament for the vacant FTUW championship in that case?" asks a fourth.

"These are all excellent questions," von Toity finally replies in order to cease the endless questions. "However, I am not in a position to answer them."

The whole room is abuzz with confusion. "Why not?!" several reporters ask in unison.

"Because the sole reason I called this press conference is...to announce that I have sold my controlling interest in FTUW."

No one can make out one coherent sentence over the uproar that follows. Ten minutes later, after half the reporters are dead after one or two went so insane they started eating the heads of their peers, one dying man with only a lower jaw asks "To who?!"

But King von Toity just shakes his head. "I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say at the moment. All I can say is that my final act as FTUW President and CEO is to officially sign a new wrestler who will be performing at the next pay-per-view."

"WHO?!"

"His name is...BARON HOITY VON TOITY!"

Those who were still sane now go ballistic as well. One man with a suicide bomb strapped his chest detonates himself and takes out a dozen other reporters. Guts and blood rain down like New Year's confetti as a press conference turns into a massacre. More questions are still being thrown out in the midst of the madness.

"Does this mean you're stepping down as king of Nouveau-Richonia?!"

"Who will you be fighting?!"

"Will you be aiming for the FTUW title?"

"How do you think you can compete against the inhuman monsters of FTUW?!"

All these questions are ignored as von Toity climbs into his futuristic robot-controlled limousine and rides out of sight. In the seat next to him, the ghost of Charles Artemis stand there with a smirk.

"Are you ready for the next step?" Artemis asks.

"We'll find out when we get there!" von Toity quips as they ride off into the barren wilderness.

ULTIMATE SURVIVOR SERIES - THE END

[Spamdini]

Thank you everyone for the praise an support! Here's hoping a new era of FTUW will allow for the tale of von Toity to continue!

[Big Fagot]

I just read all of this for the first time and I have shot myself in the face with a shotgun repeatedly.

[Spamdini]

Because it was so long? I'm so sorry I forced you to shoot yourself.

[Servbot]

You're a great storyteller Spamdini.

[Spamdini]

Thank you very much!

[Yogurtman]

This thread is definitely the most important human event of the last several years.