Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Spamdini]

It's coming! Starts Sunday, September 28th.

The Trillionaire's Club
King Hoity von Toity
Wilson P. Hickenbottom
Charles Artemis
Sinclair Mohammad
Chief Fisting Falcon


vs.

The Ghosts of von Toity
Hoity von Toity [HvT]
Det. Jake Callaghan
Reverend Zeebo Sykes
Macho Man Randy Savage
Rudy A. Washington

[Action Hank]

I hope I am not the only one who is very excited about this!

[My Head Hurts 90]

I can't pick sides in this, but I believe in Rudy.

[Action Hank]

Rudy can't fail!

[Spamdini]

Trillionaires' Club Profiles

Name: King Hoity von Toity
Hometown: Castle Toitula, Richonia
Height: 6' 2"
Weight: 239 lbs
Skin: White
Hair: Bald (red hair piece)
Style: Pro wrestling

Brief description: Muscular but kind of stocky. Usually wearing a monocle which he sometimes takes off to fight. Wears a wrestling singlet when fighting. Has a Mr. Samoto hairpiece. Handlebar mustache obviously!

Special moves:

Trillion Dollar Dream: Puts opponent in Cobra Clutch sleeper hold while gagging them with wads of cash


Finisher - Fortune 216

A modified tiger suplex where von Toity grabs the wrestler's arms from behind and jumps in the air. He then locks in both legs with his own and completes the move by flipping upside-down and slamming the opponent's head into the ground. The impact along with the holds on the arms and legs shatters all the bones in the human body.


Name: Wilson P. Hickenbottom
Hometown: Copenhagen, Denmark
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 158 lbs
Skin: Black
Hair: Bald
Style: Pro wrestling, jiujitsu, Aiki-jiujitsu

Brief description: Rather lanky, but with some muscle tone. Generally wears glasses except to the ring. Wears black karate pants and no shirt to the ring, a suit everywhere else. Has a well trimmed black mustache.

Special moves

Various counterattacks: Wilson's specialty lies in his wide knowledge of powerful joint holds as well as his ability to turn opponents' moves them them.

Finisher - Hostile Takedown

Jumps and puts his knee on the back of his opponent's head and drives his face into the ground. He follows up by taking both his opponent's arms and twisting them until the break.


Name: Charles Artemis
Hometown: Atlanta, Georgia
Height: 6'6"
Weight: 256 lbs
Skin: Black
Hair: Black
Style: No holds barred kickboxing

Brief description: Missing one eye and wears and eyepatch at all times. In his mid-40s but still quite in shape. Hair is cut very short with a bit of curl. Heavyweight boxer build. Wears black shorts to the ring, suit everywhere else.

Special moves:

Artemis arrow: Plants his feet and fires straight punches faster than the human eye can follow. Supposed to represent the arrows flying from the mighty god Artemis' bow.

AWESOME clutch: Learned from AWESOME FUCK!!!. Jumps on you and clamps your skull his feet while pounding your face with his fists

Finisher - Artemis Special

Basically an axe kick to the skull. Sometimes his opponent's eyes dangle out of their sockers so he'll choke them with their optic nerves.


Name: Sinclair Mohammad
Hometown: San Fernando, Trinidad and Tobago
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 180 lbs
Skin: Black
Hair: Rainbow (dyed)
Style: Sinclair-style Capoeira

Brief description: Hair in long dreads and almost always wears sunglasses, even to the ring. Teeth are completely covered with gold grills. Wears Hawaiian shirt and baggy pants to the ring. Wears the same thing in public unless forced to wear a suit. Always smiling, though often in a sinister manner.

Special moves:

Hurricane Sinclair: Gets on his hands and begins breakdancing with such speed and force that he essentially becomes a tornado in the ring able to damage while deflecting attacks.

Drill kick: Using his powerful arms, he launches himself in the air off the ground and spins rapidly to give extra power to his attack.

Finisher - Trinny Trinity

He drill kicks the opponent into the air and then drill kicks them in the spine all the way down to the ring. He finishes with an elbow drops that ends up with him smiling as he leans on his pinned opponent.


Name: Chief Fisting Falcon
Hometown: FDSDHFKJK, Maine
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 400 lbs
Skin: Red
Hair: Gray
Style: Ancient Indian Fighting Style

Brief description: He is in his early 50s, looking a tad weathered by age but still a titan of muscle. Wears a headdress at All times, whether he is wearing his business suit or his ring attire of blue jeans and a wide-open leather vest. He boots are 100% rattlesnake hide! Hie has an eye disorder that makes it seem as if they are pure white blobs from afar. In reality, both the iris and pupil are a very light gray. His body is riddled with scars, many of which are bullet wounds from the climax of Death Race 2007 as well as scars on his cheeks from when Ant King stuffed a grenade in his mouth.

Finisher - Invincible Palm

In fact, it is his only move. He only knows one attack, but it has yet to ever been defeated. He merely extends his right arm outward and charges at his opponent at full speed. The results are not pretty and he is near impossible to stop. He may have also learned his brother Captain Falcon's secret technique, the Falcon Palm.

[Yogurtman]

This is the most important thread of the last ... year? Something like that.

[Big Fagot]

A light grey pupil?!

[Spamdini]

I'm glad interest is building up. I promise you that this will be very good!

[Spamdini]

Ghosts of Von Toity profiles

Name: Hoity "HvT" von Toity
Hometown: Budapest, Hungary
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 224 pounds
Skin: White
Hair: Bald (just bald)
Style: Pro Wrestling

Brief description: He's Hoity von Toity so he looks like him, but less chubby and no hair piece. Instead of a wrestling singlet, he wears long wrestling tights and no shirt.

Special Moves:

Trillion Dollar Dream: Same as the other von Toity's.

Finisher - Thousand Dollar Dream

He's still developing the technique, but it seems to involve King von Toity's Trillion Dollar Dream. What could it be?!


Name: Detective Jake Callaghan
Hometown: Branson, Nouveau-Richonia
Height: 3' 2" when sitting, 4' 10" when standing on his hind legs
Weight: 95 pounds
Skin: Pinkish
Fur: Reddish-brown
Style: Courtroom drama

Brief description: A pure-bred Rhodesian Ridgeback with short reddish-brown fur coat. He generally wears a trenchcoat at all times (no pants though). Unlike most dogs, he walks upright much of the time, though is is much faster on four legs. Oh, and he can talk and is a first class detective. He's rarely seen without a cigarette in his mouth. Thanks to von Toity, he also has a prosthetic left paw.

Special Moves:

Inconsistencies: Even if they don't mean to, everyone lies. Using his keen instinct and intellect, Detective Callaghan finds inconsistencies in people's statements and points them out, causing severe mental damage. Once enough damage piles up, the opponent either passes out or flies into an insane rage.

Raise the Woof: After pointing out enough inconsistencies, most violent and crazy people will lose all control and fling themselves straight at Dectective Callaghan. In response, Callaghan gets on all fours and uses his nose to flip the opponent high up in the air using their own momentum against them.

Finisher - Torture Rack

You know this move. Lex Luger used to use it. But Callaghan is able to rip someone in half without killing them, because he believes in the law and that criminals should be tried properly in court.



Name: The Reverend Zeebo Sykes
Hometown: Tuscaloosa, AL
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 217 pounds
Skin: Black
Hair: Black
Style: High-flying Jesus-libre

Brief description: Wears black clothing in the style of a typical minister. His hair is cut extremely short and he is always clean shaven. He is lean and strong, but not too bulky compared to most of the FTUW titans.

Special moves:

Holy Roller - Jumps in the air and curls into a ball, performing a somersaulting attack on his opponent.

DDT - Learned from Jake the Snake during his born-again period

Conversion Chart - Wraps his legs around his opponent's neck from behind and pulls on both their arms, adding pressure to the carotid arteries as well as separating the shoulders. He keeps the hold on until his opponent gives in to the will of God.

Finisher - Holy Driver

Flings his opponent in the air (with the help of ring ropes or whatever) and then jumps up after them. He puts them in a piledriver position, but with his feet under his opponent's armpits so that their body forms a cross. The opponent's head, neck and arms collide with the ground, damaging them all.


Name: Macho Man Randy Savage
Hometown: Sarasota, FL
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 237 pounds
Skin: White
Hair: Tie-dye bandana
Style: Pro Wrestling

Brief description: It's Macho Man for crying out loud.

Special moves:

Diving double axe handle: Jumps off the top rope with both hands together and smashes opponent! :O

Puff puff bash: Takes a hit from a bong and them smashes it over the opponent's head.

Finisher - Diving Elbow Drop

SO STRONG!


Name: Rudy A. Washington
Hometown: Montreal, Quebec (yeah!)
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 245 pounds
Skin: Black
Hair: Black
Style: Art of the Gentleman

Brief description: Incredibly built with long hair down his back in a ponytail. He often wears shades at all times, which can be rather odd or inappropriate, but is always well dressed for the occasion with the ability to alter his clothing on the fly through his art. To the ring he generally wears a black t-shirt with burgundy dress pants.

Special moves:

Rudy kick: BOOM!

Rudyhammer: Puts opponent in a jackhammer/vertical suplex position and jumps in the air. He then comes down using his elbow to drive the opponent into the mat.

Ru-DDT: Jumps on his opponent's shoulders and begins to spin around them like their a pommel horse. Once the opponent is thoroughly dizzied, he carries his momentum and DDT's the opponent.

Rudysault: A gravity-defying shooting star press that is so awe-inspiring that the opponent doesn't remember to move.

Art of the Gentleman: Though confusing and nonsensical, Rudy uses fine cuisine, delicate works of art and other gentlemanly techniques in order to confuse or attack the enemy.

Finisher - Rudy Buster

???

[Servbot]

I'm glad this is happening.

[Spamdini]

The screen is black, the sound of a heartbeat crawling out the darkness and growing louder and increasing in pace until it's almost deafening. The repeated beeping of an EKG machine joins the heartbeat, the rhythm increasing as the heart pumps at fatal speeds. FROM OUT OF GODDAMNED NOWHERE, a guitar begins to squeal violently as the letters "F T U W" grow from a single white dot in the center of THE BLACKNESS. AS THE GUITAR REACHES ITS BREAKING POINT, THE LETTERS VIBRATE RETARDEDLY UNTIL THEY EXPLODE. The song is "Coronary Coitus" by Viscerape. The lead singer, Leitch, belts out a MONSTROUS GROAN in tune to footage of ANT KING SCREAMING BLOOD as Corey Nguyen turns his TORSO into a BLACK HOLE.

#FUNGYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!#

Handsomus R. Awesome and Perfect Theldorrin clash FIST to GUITAR high above a smoldering ring. Sella Phayne's SKULL folds around a STEEL POLE swung by Super Queerbasher. Jack Masteron SPEWS from the top of Bin Destruction's head like a GEYSER and the two begin FENCING with hatchets and boxcutters.

#GUOOOOOBEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!#

Rakkyu Saketumi FLIES TOWARD Theldorrin XIV with a SMOKING HOLE in his CRANIUM. Guan Fei's own spear is driven DEEP into his ORBITAL CAVITY. Jack Masterson's arm of Abaddon tears out Handsomus' throat. Lunar Plexus BURSTS out of the ground and MILITARY PRESSES a chariot and its horses. Ant King SCREAMS and vomits up a SWARM OF HORNETS. Fancy Lala rolls around on the floor, shitting his pants, before the footage switches over to Kuroda plucking out Jonesie's eyeball with his toes.

#I'MGONNAFUCKYOUI'MGONNAFUCKYOUI'MGONNAFUCKYOU!#

Steve Austin Stunners A FUCKING WAVE OF ACID SOMEHOW! Saketumi and Jack Daniels HEADBUTT EACH OTHER OVER AND OVER, CAUSING THE GROUND AT THEIR FEET TO CRACK! Theldorrin XIV hovers above FUCK MOUNTAIN, wielding a massive MOLTEN BOULDER.

#I'MGONNAFUCKYOUI'MGONNAFUCKYOUI'MGONNAFUCKYOU!#

Moloch Arschloch bites off Saito's fingers. Bin Destruction CRASHES DOWN FROM OUTER SPACE and collides into Puff Ryder's chest. The ILLUSIONIST DROPS THE GODDAMNED MOON ON LUNAR PLEXUS' SHOULDERS.

#I can't resist it! Beatin' your bones with mah dick
I can't deny it! Fuck your guts so I can drink the sick (FUUUUCK)#

Rakkyu Saketumi stands unconscious, dead, in his friends' arms, gripping the World Title belt tightly. A minigun BURSTS from ANT KING'S FUCKING ASS and STARTS FIRING ROUND AFTER ROUND as he feeds ammo down his goddamned throat.

#BALLS DEEP IN THE DEAD I DON'T WANNA PART
TAKE MY HAND AS I LOVE YOUR HEART (FUUUUUCK)#

Charles Bronson emerges from a hardware store with chainsaws replacing his arms and legs. Kanzaki Kenjiro punches Dwayne Guan mid-Jade Spear, causing his body to turn inside-out and explode. Harry Underwood BURSTS out of a GIANT, HANGING CORPSE wrapped into PUTRID INTESTINES.

#IT'S COMING! DISMEMBER WITH MY MEMBER SO I CAN DEVOUR YOUR DEATH#
#IT'S COMING! FUCK YOUR LUNGS AS YOU TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH#

McHarris CLOTHESLINES THROUGH A FUCKING CAR. GUAN FEI AND THELDORRIN XIV FALL WHILE HUNDREDS OF FEET ABOVE GROUND, TRADING FISTS. HANDSOMUS R. AWESOME CRASHES A COMET INTO MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD. DANIELS, KENJIRO, HANDSOMUS, AND GUAN FEI ROCK THE FUCK OUT AND ERADICATE THELDORRIN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! Robert McCoy SHEDS a few tear before he EXPLODES, DESTROYING A GODDAMNED STATE.

#COR-O-NARY COITUS (JIZZ IN YOUR BLOOD)#
COR-O-NARY COITUS (SWALLOW MY MAN MUD)#

The music reaches it CRESCENDO as FUCK MOUNTAIN CRASHES INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN, DESTROYING SOUTHEAST ASIA AND KILLING MILLIONS! The FUCKING FTUW logo BURSTS THROUGH A BRICK WALL, BLOOD and BONES and ABORTED FETUSES spurting from the hole for some reason. The SCREEN FADES TO FUCKING BLACK.

FTUW Entertainment 2010. All Rights Reserved.

[Spamdini]

Fireworks go off in the Metalrapia Iron Cock Arena, formally known as the Rudy Memorial Arena, deep in the left testicle of Metalrapia. 100,000 rabid metalheads thrash frantically as they prepare for the showdown of their lives. A ridiculously oversized Michael Cole finishes eating the still beating heart of some loudmouth goon and turns his attention to the camera.

Cole: Greetings weak fleshy creatures! I am Michael "Dragonfucker" Cole, destroyer of cities, here with my good friend Jesse "The Mind" Ventura.

Ventura: I have to say Turdfucker, I'm ridiculously excited about this special FTUW event! This is only the second time in history that an FTUW owner has been forced to fight in the ring, and the first time that the very ownership of our illustrious league has been on the line!

Cole: It won't be long before the match begins, but first we have a special presentation! Viscerape, our gracious hosts for this event, are performing on live TV for the first time since the apocalypse! So here they are with their new hit single, Fistful of Abortion...VISCERAPE!

The lights go out and there is a brief moment of silence before a thumping bass beat gets the crowd jumping. Five spotlights shine on the members of the band as Leitch lifts his head up and the arena is suddenly filled with the sound of thrashing guitars.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! BABY I WANNA FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!"

Blazing guitar

"GRAAAAAAAAAARGH!! I WANNA CUM IN YOU CUM IN YOU!"

More guitar

"MAH DICK IS FUCKING YOUR TWAT LIKE A DEMON FROM HELL
AIN'T USING MY TONGUE CUZ YOUR CUNT SMELLS
TAKE MY PROTEINS AND SUCK THEM IN YOUR SNATCH
THEN GET READY TO COOK ME WAFFLES BY THE BATCH"

Thor whips his hair in circles, the wind pressure from his thrashing blowing foolish fans off the stage they trespassed on and onto a pile of spikes in the mosh pit.

"BUT DON'T YOU FUCKING FORGET YOUR CUNT PILLS
IF THAT LINE GOES RED I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR BLOOD SPILL
MY METAL IS STRAWNG MY DICK IS HARD
SO NO WAY I'M RAISING SOME RETARD
YOU MAKE A BABY THEN YOU GET..."

Sound of a gunshot

"A FISTFUL OF ABORTION!"

The video screen behind the band shows scenes of men beating up on women, including a boxer punching out a weeping housewife in a ring, a Chinese guy karate kicking a young girl in the mouth, knocking out her teeth and a drunken redneck crashing a plane into an all-women church choir.

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE WHORE?!
WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE WHORE?!
WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE WHORE?!
I’M GONNA RIP YOUR VAG WITH MY ROIDED ANACONDA!”

The video shows an actual anaconda raping a woman with its body until she swells and explodes.

"FISTFUL OF ABORTION!
(Kill that fetus)
FISTFUL OF ABORTION!
(Make it dead)
FISTFUL OF ABORTION!
(It won't be breathing)
FISTFUL OF....NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

With that, Leitch reaches into his pants and throws a writhing fetus on the stage which he then elbow drops into oblivion. Thor throws his guitar into the crowd, but it weighs 700 pounds and kills the lucky fan who caught it. Not a single fan around him wasn't jealous. Curtis and Emperor Fuck begin powerbombing the drums through the stage which begins to actually bleed! THE STAGE IS ACTUALLY SOME SORT OF LIVING ENTITY WHICH WAKES UP AND BEGINS DEVOURING FANS ALIVE!

Leitch: YAAAAAAAAAA! This goes out to our brother Rudy! We don't give a shit about anyone else but you'd better tear this shit apart! RAWK OUT!

Cole: Catchy tune, huh Mind?

Ventura: It's no Chill Mah Spill, but I think that'll help sell a few million records.

Cole: Well coming up, we have it ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's one and and only wrestling match! The Trillionaires' Club vs. the Ghosts of von Toity!

[Vinny]

I'm a little late here, but PUFF PUFF BASH is a superior pun.
_________________

[Spamdini]

Jerome Lightning: This contest is a 10-man elimination match! Wrestlers can be eliminated by pinfall, submission, countout, knockout or death. However, there are no disqualifications!

Cole: I thought you couldn't get DQed in FTUW.

Ventura: More like the referees would be murdered if they tried that shit.

J. Lightning: First, coming in as a team, weighing in at a combined 1,233 pounds, they are Nouveau-Richonia's ruler and his finest warriors! Wilson P. Hickenbottom, Charles Artemis, Sinclair Mohammad, Chief Fisting Falcon and King HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOITY VON TOITY!

Coming out to the tune of midget rapper Hit N' Runt's "Money is Mah Nigga!" is von Toity and his cohorts. They are all dressed in matching golden ropes with jeweled crowns, showing their prestige and power. Gorgeous women chained to the ring remove their robes to reveal their ring clothes, and then they are catapulted into the audience to satisfy their sick, carnal desires.

Von Toity to his men: I have confidence in your abilities. And I'm sure you all know that if I step in the ring and am injured then our country could fall into turmoil. I will watch you all from here. You'll all be more then enough to destroy a mangy mutt, a lunatic peacher, a washed-up cokehead and a bargain basement version of myself.

Artemis: And Rudy?

Von Toity: ...You four put him in his place before. It should be no problem.

J. Lightning: And now for the Ghosts of von Toity! First from Sarasota, FL, weighing in at 237 pounds, wrestling legend MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!

The familiar tune of Pomp and Circumstance rings out through the speakers as Macho Man struts down to the ring with his trademark cowboy hat and shades. With him is Miss Elizabeth's corpse.

Cole: Oh my god! They've reconciled! Mind, have you ever seen anything so touching!

J. Lightning: Next, weighing in at 217 pounds, from Tuscaloosa, AL, his holiness The REVEREND ZEEBO SYKES!

A church organs blares through the arena as Sykes' followers carry him to the ring mounted on a large cross with a crown of thorns upon his head.

J. Lightning: Weighing in at 95 pounds, from Branson, Nouveau-Richonia, DETECTIVE JAKE CAAAALLAGHAN!

The crowd is immediately pumped by the strains of cornered.midi. Computer generated action lines fly behind Det. Callaghan as he charges to the ring.

J. Lightning: Weighing in at 245 pounds, from Montreal, Canada, the mysterious warrior, RUUUUUUUUUUUDY!

Two elephants in tailed suits with monocles carry Rudy to the ring. They walk upright on two legs and carry a definite air of refinement, proving that Rudy is capable of training even nature's largest and clumsiest beasts into becoming sophisticated. He plays his own theme song, Perfect Gentleman by Helloween, using but a blade of grass. Every note is like heaven on Earth and even the ravenous metalheads are entranced by its beauty.

J. Lightning: And finally, weighing in at 224 pounds, from alternate universe, the rebel himself, H-VEEEEEEEE-TEEEEEEEEEE!

HvT charges down the ramp to the ring to BTO's Taking Care of Business. he leaps into the ring and runs around like a man possessed!

Cole: Wow, he sure is fired up tonight!

Ventura: Knowing you're gonna die will do that to you.

HvT stays in the ring even once all his teammates have gone to their corner.

Cole: Is HvT saying he wants to start this off?! It'll be bad if he loses right off the bat!

King von Toity: Hmph, the usurper is rather dim isn't he? Wilson, break a few of his bones and see if he changes his tune.

Wilson: Taking him down will kill their whole team's morale. An obvious strategic blunder on his part. It will be a simple matter.

Wilson climbs into the ring and gets face-to-face with HvT. Their hot breath colliding in the three inches of space between their faces creates a mini-hurricane of fiery passion.

Cole: My unrealistic muscles are bulging with the thrill of this showdown!

Ventura: A new chapter in all our lives in about to begin!

The ref pisses himself out of fear and excitement. The bell rings.

[Vinny]

Also, that Viscerape song was powerful.
_________________

[Spamdini]

WHAM! Right out of the gates HvT grabs Wilson and suplexes him to the ground! He didn't even see it coming and now von Toity's right hand man is stunned. Before he can make it to his feet, HvT continues the hurt on Wilson by dropping an elbow on his head and pinning him.

ONE...

TWO...

TH...KICK-OUT!

Cole: That was nearly one of the quickest pinfalls in FTUW history! HvT is ready to rumble tonight!

And he doesn't let up! HvT unloads with a series of brutal haymakers to the still fallen Wilson who can only cover up as the blows rain down upon him. His face swells and several teeth litter the mat with trails of blood following them. King von Toity shows little concern, however.

von Toity: Ha ha! Come now, don't tell me you're already flustered Wilson.

Taking his employer's words to heart, Wilson calms his breath and focuses. Seizing his opportunity, he grabs HvT's arm as the punch comes for him and flips him around, putting him in an armbar!

Ventura: The fuck?! That's not an FTUW move! Hit him in the head with an axe or something!

HvT manages to roll out and gets to his feet. This time however, it's Wilson who's ready for him. A quick double leg tackle and Wilson has his opponent in the dreaded BOSTON CRAB! Once again HvT rolls out but grabs his legs in pain as he takes more time to get to his feet than before.

Using the ropes for momentum, HvT comes at Wilson with a mighty clothesline! However, it is easily countered into a triangle choke hold which has HvT struggling for air. The crowd, now sharing Jesse "The Mind"'s opinion, begins to boo this display of actual wrestling.

Fan #1: Hey HvT, kill da faggot already!

Fan #2: Show him what real fighting's all about!

But HvT is only able to escape the hold by grabbing the ropes with his legs and forcing the break. He wheezes as he gets to his feet, but Wilson is perfectly fresh aside from his mashed up face.

Wilson: I may look more badly hurt than you, but you're far more drained from my methodical attacks. Prepare for hell, insolent whelp!

Wilson goes back on the attack, nailing HvT with a sharp karate chop right in the throat! Frozen in place, he's a sitting duck as Wilson jumps on the back of his head and uses his knee to drive HvT's face deep into the mat!

Cole: HOSTILE TAKEDOWN! I wouldn't be surprised if every bone in HvT's face is broken after that one!

Ventura: What'd you expect? He's not the REAL Hoity von Toity! You actually expected him to be able to wrestle. Psh!

Wilson finishes off the Hostile Takedown by grabbing both of HvT's arms and twisting them like a pretzel. Blood oozes from the fallen HvT's face and begins to spread across the mat. Smirking rather uncharacteristically, Wilson continues to torque the motionless Ghosts of von Toity leader until they are to the point of breaking.

Wilson: It's over for you!

CRAAAAAAAAACK!

HVT SWINGS HIS HEAD BACK AND CRACKS WILSON RIGHT IN THE FACE! All his front teeth fall out and his nose shatters, causing a river of blood to shoot out like a rocket! He uses his right hand to cover his bloodied face while still twisting HvT's right arm around. However, this gives HvT the chance to lift Wilson onto his shoulders and slam him headfirst into the ground!

Ventura: What the fuck?! Why isn't he knocked the fuck out?!

HvT: I haven't led a nice life like you snobs! A little attack like that isn't enough to put me down! Let's go, punk!

Wilson goes for another double leg takedown, but this time HvT is prepared and delivers a spinning kick, driving his heel deep into Wilson's already broken face!

HvT: Check this out!

HVT APPLIES THE TRILLION DOLLAR DREAM! Wilson is being choked out and he can't do anything about it! To add insult, HvT shoves spare change in his mouth since he can't afford the wad of bills King von Toity uses for this move.

Cole: Oh my god! That change is filthy! God knows what type of germs are on those!

Ventura: Maybe a limp-dicked wankjob like you would care about that, but I think Wilson should be more concerned about his brain not getting any more oxygen.

Seeing the urgency of the situation, Sinclair, Artemis and Chief Fisting Falcon all climb into the ring and start beating down HvT to break up the move. Macho Man, Det. Callaghan and Rev. Sykes all climb in too and a brawl breaks out in the center of the ring! A suplex by Macho Man flings Wilson out of the ring and climbs to the top rope.

Macho Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAAAAH! You're going down, brother!

Macho Man takes a huge toke, jumps, and crashes into the security railing outside the ring. Wilson climbs back in and takes his place in center ring in order to fight. Team von Toity begins to make their way back to their corner, but Callaghan and Sykes remain in the ring ready to brawl. The ref is therefore forced to drive them both back to their corner. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Chief Fisting Falcon turns around and charges right at HvT! INVINCIBLE PALM RIGHT TO HIS CHEST! A HUGE PALM-SHAPED WOUND OPENS UP ON HVT'S CHEST AND HE IS SENT FLYING, BOUNCING OFF THE ROPES AND RIGHT INTO FISTING FALCON'S GRASP!

Cole: That dirty cheat! He's not supposed to be in the ring!

The Ghosts of von Toity are still protesting and are trying to tell the ref to turn around. In true referee fashion however, he refuses to turn around until he is done scolding the good guys, even if it means that the bad guys are given a chance to cheat. Further capitalizing, Fisting Falcon puts HvT on his shoulders while Sinclair, Wilson and Artemis climb atop three different turnbuckles.

All four: SOLAR ECLIPSE!!

Sincalir, Wilson and Artemis fly off the turnbuckles. HvT looks up at the lights above the arena but slowly the lights disappear as three large black bodies block them out! THEY ALL ELBOW DROP HIM IN THE SKULL SIMUTANEOUSLY! THE BLOOD SHOOTS OUT LIKE A FOUNTAIN AND HIS EYES ROLL BACK IN HIS SKULL! Everyone who isn't the legal man leaves the ring and Wilson pins HvT. The referee eventually turns around and sees the pin attempt which he begins to count.

ONE...

TWO...

TH...KICKOUT!!!

Cole: HVT KICKS OUT! HE'S STILL FIGHTING BACK FOLKS!

Ventura: No fucking way!!! He shouldn't even be alive after that!!!

Cole: That is just about the toughest bastard I have ever seen in my whole life!

Wilson, incredulous, lifts HvT up and sets him up for the powerbomb.

King von Toity: No you fool! You're not strong enough to powerbomb him! Wrestle properly!

But he won't listen! Wilson lifts his foe up for the powerbomb but before he can drop him down, HvT unloads both fists into his face! Wilson's facial bones are so broken that his left eye begins to sag out its mushy socket! HvT slips out of the powerbomb and slithers down Wilson's back. TRILLION DOLLAR DREAM! Wilson's trapped again! Artemis and co. get ready to raid the ring again, but von Toity waves them off.

King von Toity: It's his fault he's stuck. Besides, those fools over there wouldn't let you anyways.

He points to the opposite corner where Sykes is already perched on the top turnbuckle and Callaghan is leaning on the ropes with his teeth bared.

Wilson's consciousness begins to falter, but he still attempts to break the hold. He uses his one free arm to try and grab at a finger, an eye, a ball, anything he can use to cause immediate pain. But HvT won't let it come to that.

HvT: When you're poor like me, you gotta take what you can get! You may waste a trillion dollars with a lengthy submission hold, but I know better! Sometimes a thousand dollars can be stretched way farther! Like THIS! THOUSAND DOLLAR DREAM!

Keeping the hold locked in, HvT jumps and suplexes Wilson, driving his skull RIGHT INTO A RING POST! DONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! Skull collides with metal and Wilson's skull are cracked wide open by the impact! He falls limply to the mat and HvT makes the cover.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!!!

Cole: WILSON P. HICKENBOTTOM IS ELIMINATED! THE GHOSTS OF VON TOITY DRAW FIRST BLOOD!

An ambulance drives to the ring and places Wilson on a stretcher, hauling him out of the arena.

HvT: All right! So now who...is...nex...

HvT's eyes roll back in his head and he falls face first to the mat.

[Spamdini]

Cole: Oh my god, HvT is down! He's down and he's not getting up!

Ventura: I knew this was coming before the match even started. You don't make your captain go first! It just doesn't make sense. Even if the Ghosts of von Toity have the advantage now, they'll never win with their stupidity.

Easily walking over the top rope, Chief Fisting Falcon climbs into the ring and stomps his way towards the motionless HvT.

Falcon: I could pin you, but I will crush every bone in your body instead as punishment for your foolish insolence!

HOLD IT!!!

Det. Callaghan leaps into the ring and headbutts Fisting Falcon in the jaw, causing him to stumble slightly.

Falcon: Foul beast! DIE!!

Using his Invincible Palm, Fist Falcon begins to swipe at Callaghan. However, the nimble dog detective easily avoids these attacks and counters with several of his own, none of which having any effect on the Indian giant. Seeing that this stalemate could last a while, Reverend Sykes gets in the ring and rushes for HvT in an attempt to save him. He is met, however, with a Sinclair kick square in the face.

Sinclair: You ain't gonna be savin' this mon, mon!

With great agility and near impossible flexibility, Sinclair whips around and delivers a high kick to Rev. Sykes that launches him into the air. Sinclair licks his chops as he lifts leg up in the air and prepares to bring it down on HvT's head.

Sykes: BE EXORCISED BASE FOOL! HOLY ROLLER!

Sykes tucks himself into a ball and freezes in mid-air as he spins like a baseball in mid-pitch. He launches himself towards Sinclair, who doesn't even see the attack coming as the Holy Roller connects full on with his back. However, he is able to recover and smiles his usual evil grin.

Sinclair: Dat's 'ow you like it, nigga?

Placing his hands on the ground, Sinclair begins to swing his legs around wildly under he is moving so fast that he resembles a whirling tornado.

Sinclair: HURRICANE SINCLAIR!

Sykes: HOLY ROLLER!

Both spinning attacks collide and bounce off each other like two pinballs. They continue to launch their respective attacks but each time ends with the same result.

Cole: I...Incredible! They look more like forces of nature than human beings, don't they Mind!

Ventura: Are your eyes too gay to see what's obvious? One of them is going to get tired and dizzy eventually. First one who does is going to get the full momentum of the other one's attack. This square-off is going to end before the other one.

On the other side of the ring, Callaghan is still leaping around headbutting and kicking Fisting Falcon while easily avoiding all of the chief's clumsy attacks. However, his ultra-light body is unable to cause any damage to the mountain of muscle before him. This whole time, Callaghan has also been trying to use his power of inconsistencies on Fisting Falcon but with no success.

Callaghan: Chief Falcon, you're a proud native American warrior! Why would you fight for a man who won't even get in the ring? Don't you think that's...A SLAP IN YOUR FACE!

What Callaghan doesn't take into consideration, however, is that these types of verbal attacks have no effect on a man with Fisting Falcon's abnormal resolve.

Falcon: Say your pretty words in hell!

A massive palm print is left in the ring as Callaghan leaps backwards, narrowly avoiding a mighty Invincible Palm.

Callaghan: My regular attacks don't do anything, but what about if I use the ropes like a slingshot! TAKE TH...

As he bounces off the ropes, Charles Artemis knees him in the back of the head from the ring apron. Staggering forward, Callaghan is unable to refocus in time to see Fisting Falcon's mammoth hand wrap itself around his neck and lift him high in the air.

Callaghan: URGHL!!

Sykes: Detective! Hold on!

Changing the direction of his Holy Roller, he begins to fly towards Chief Falcon. What he doesn't realize is that this is what Sinclair had been waiting for.

Sinclair: DRILL KICK!

Handspringing off the mat, Sinclair flies feet first at Rev Sykes and the attacks sends him off course, crashing into the mat.

Cole: I don't get it! Why did that work when they were just bouncing off each other before?!

Ventrua: Ugh, it hurts just listening to you sometimes. Look at the graph!




When the Sinclair Tornado and the Holy Roller collided, it was like two marbles or pinballs coming from opposite directions. Of course they're going to bounce! Now look at this graph!





That turd-looking thing is Sinclair. His's Drill Kick hit Sykes in nearly the same direction he was moving, though off center, and did it using a much small area of impact. It was like a pool player hitting the ball on an angle so that it moves diagonally.

Cole: S-So smart!

Before Sykes is able to make it back to his feet, Sinclair uses his foot to pin the reverend's neck against the bottom turnbuckle. Now Sykes and Callaghan are being restrained at opposite ends of the ring.

von Toity: Well done gentlemen! Charles, do the honor of finishing off that piece of refuse in the ring who bears my image.

Aretmis: ...Very well sir.

Reluctantly, Charles Artemis gets into the ring and makes his way to center ring. He stands over the fallen HvT and lifts his fist.

Artemis: I'm sorry it had to end this way. But you must die!

Cole: NO! It can't end like this! HvT is still out cold! Macho Man is still knocked out on the outside of the ring! Detective Callaghan and Reverend Sykes are helpless! And Rudy...WAIT!! WHERE'S RUDY?!

Rudy: Perfect!

All eyes turn to the Faggotron where Rudy has just finished constructing an authentic 13th century Spanish artillery cannon! Anyone with appreciation for European military history would be in heaven to gaze upon such a beautifully constructed replica. For von Toity's men however, they would not have time to realize that they had been set up perfectly!

BOOM! Having loaded himself inside the cannon, it fires and launches him straight at Chief Fisting Falcon, using two outstretched fists to nail him like a battering ram! He is sent flying and crashes into Artemis and then Sinclair, all of whom were perfectly lined up! The three lie in a pile in the corner of the ring dazed and wounded!

Cole: WHAT AN ELEGANTLY DESIGNED PLOY BY THE GHOSTS OF VON TOITY!

Ventura: That Rudy is nearly worthy of the name Mind himself!

Sykes dashes forward and collects HvT and the four men regroup in their corner. There is only one member of the Ghosts of von Toity not back there yet.

OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Macho Man is back on his feet and he's swinging his arms like a madman outside the ring.

Macho Man: Don't worry brother! The Macho Man is going to rock some faces! Enhance my brain, power herb! OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

And with that primal scream, Macho Man whips out his pipe and shoves an entire weed plant in the bowl. He lights it on fire and deeply inhales the entire thing!

Macho Man: IT'S FIGHTING TIME!

A CRAZY GUITAR RIFF STARTS PLAYING OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER!

Cole: That song?! What the...?!

IT'S WARRIOR! He charges down the aisle and lunges straight at Macho Man!

Warrior: FUCK YOU FOR TAINTING THE CHILDREN WITH YOUR DEVIL DRUGS!

Macho Man: Weed is POWER!

Both WWF legends begin slugging it out and fight all the way into the backstage area of the arena, Macho Man having already forgot about the match! Confused, the ref begins counting.

Ventura: Well, that's what you get for trusting a hop head to be fighting for your life.

Referee: 8...9...10! Macho man is eliminated!

Cole: It's down to 4 on 4 now folks!

Artemis and his partners recover and head back to their corner where von Toity chews them out for being so careless. While Artemis and Fisting Falcon humbly accept the berating, Sinclair merely spits on the floor.

Sinclair: You be speakin' mighty big talk for someone who ain't be fightin'! I'mma get in there and fuck up some faggots!

In the other corner, Rev. Sykes prepares to get in the ring to finish off his battle with Sinclair but is held back by a paw.

Callaghan: You two are a bad match-up. He can take down your aerial attacks with his unorthodox moves. Let me handle this one.

Callaghan climbs into the ring, a weak voice speaking to him from behind.

HvT: G...give him hell!

HvT gives a feeble thumbs up before leaning on the rope just to support his own weight. Sinclair and Det. Callaghan stare each other down as the arena falls silent from the tension.

Sinclair: You dead, mon!

[Spamdini]

Sinclair restarts his patented Sinclair Tornado and spins his way towards a ready Callaghan. With great ease, the dog detective evades the attack and merely observes rather than attempting any of his own offense. Undaunted, Sinclair continues his whirling technique in an attempt to take down his foe. Det. Callaghan dodges over and over, but cannot find an opportunity to penetrate this perfect balance of attack and defense. The game of cat and mouse goes on for several minutes, pissing off the crowd with the boringness of it all. However, there a few people in the know.

Ventura: That pooch isn't half-bad for a good guy. That tornado move can't continue forever, so he's waiting for Sinclair to get dizzy before he strikes.

Reverend Sykes is equally pumped.

Sykes: That heathen will be on the ropes yet! Be patient and crush him when the chance arises!

However, Team von Toity remains calm and smug, which confuses Sykes.

Sykes: Fool! Just you watch! The tables will turn shortly!

But Rudy shakes his head.

Rudy: You don't know how Sinclair's attack works. He's not going to get dizzy.

Sure enough, the Sinclair Tornado has continued at full speed for the tenth straight minute and now that he has figured out Callaghan's escape maneuvers, each successive attack comes closer to hitting its target.

Rudy: Sinclair's flexibility is practically inhuman, not only in his legs but in his hips and shoulders as well. The Sinclair tornado actually keeps his head centered while the rest of his body spins around to attack. Paired with his unlimited endurance from endless coitus, and the Sinclair Tornado can last forever!

Callaghan: If that's the case, then I know his weakness!
Leaping straight up in the air, Det. Callaghan comes straight down above Sinclair's head with his teeth bared.

Callaghan: It's the same as any tornado! It can attack all around but it's blind from above! TAKE THIS!

Rudy: No, don't do it! He's too flexible! His legs don't have a blind spot!

Faster than the eye can register, a near-lethal kick strikes Callaghan in the temple, sending him sky high. As he fades in and out of consciousness, he tries to realize what hit him. Sinclair won't give him the luxury of thinking too hard about it, though. Using his arms, so lean yet muscular that they resemble two thick ropes, he launches himself in the air spinning.

Sinclair: DRILL KICK!

The kick connects directly with Callaghan's gut, causing him to vomit blood leaking internally from his lacerated internal organs. Unfortunately for him, Sinclair will not settle for anything less than a fatal victory in order to satisfy his sick desires.

Sinclair: TRINNY TRINITY!

Another Drill Kick connects with the back of Callaghan and continues to drive him towards the mat below. The position of Sinclair's feet along with the drilling motion of the attack will surely make sure that a large gaping hole is left in the poor detective's body. It is only through years of concentration and sheer luck that inspiration finally dawns upon Det. Callaghan.

Callaghan: H...hold it...

Unfortunately for him, this inspiration requires that he be able to speak a complete sentence without succumbing to intense pain. As a result, his verbal assault is fruitless and he continues his decent towards being drilled into the mat.

BUT THEN A SYKES CLUBS SINCLAIR IN THE FACE WITH A GIANT CROSS!

Cole: I can't believe it! What a turnaround!

Callaghan hits the ground rather hard, but is able to keep enough of his bearings to roll and soften the blow. He leans weakly in an empty corner of the ring trying to control his breathing again without puking up any more fluids. Sykes, on the other hand, is in tip-top shape and begins knocking the shit out of Sinclair with vicious kicks and punches!

Sykes: Villain! Repent your blasphemous ways in Hell!

Without an opening to take advantage of, Sinclair is no match in a straight fist fight with the passionate Sykes! His attempts to use fancy kicks are useless since he's punched in the face before he can set up the elegant and elaborate moves. In an act of desperation, Sinclair lunges in close and attempts to suplex Sykes in order to create the space he needs to fight. Without any real wrestling skills though, he's easy prey for a Rev. Sykes counter! Slipping out of the suplex, he lands behind Sinclair and is able to German suplex him into the mat, denting it in the process!

Cole: SYKES HAS SINCLAIR ON THE ROPES! THIS COULD BE IT!

Rudy: That move again...hm...

Jumping the air much like Jesus ascending to Heaven, Rev. Sykes floats momentarily with his arms outstretched before tumbling down with a headbutt right into Sinclair's gut, causing him to scream in agony. During that gorgeous display of acrobatic ability, many of the members of the crowd swear they had just seen Christ himself in person and become religious converts. With his opponent all but wrapped up, Sykes places Sinclair in the Conversion Chart and begins to tug at his arms while squeezing his carotid artery!

Sykes: Concede defeat now and I shall spare your life!

WHACK! A Sinclair double kick strikes Sykes in the back of the head! So flexible is he that he was able to nail Sykes even from that submission move position! Stunned, Sykes releases the hold and stumbles forward. Now free and given a moment of respite, Sinclair flips to his feet and takes a fighting stance.

Sinclair: Sorry mon, but you is fucked now! Les' do dis shit!

Rev. Sykes curses his opponent and prepares to charge forth, but is interrupted.

HOLD IT!!

All eyes turn to Det. Callaghan who is on his feet now and looking mighty angry.

Callaghan: Step aside, reverend! That monster seduced my wife and helped kill her! This is my fight and I'm going to finish this! He won't stand a chance now!

Respecting his partner's wishes, Sykes returns to his corner.

Cole: Incredible! The Zeebo Sykes we used to know would never give up on his insane convictions so easy!

Ventura: It's funny what turning babyface does to you, Cole. Or maybe he shares a lot in common with me and just wants to see Callaghan get killed.

Sinclair smiles a gold-capped grin and swaggers arrogantly towards Callaghan before starting to swing around to gain momentum for a Sinclair Tornado.

Callaghan: HOLD IT! Sinclair, why is it you fight for von Toity?!

Sinclair: Easy mon! I get all da pussy I could eva ask for!

Callaghan: And endless sex has made your style very powerful, but why is your libido so high?

Sinclair: You a queer or somethin'? Everyone wants pussy all of the time! I'm just a big enough mon to 'andle it!

Callaghan: OBJECTION! True, men are obsessed with having sex with beautiful women. But even the horniest of men enjoy time away from women, be it to watch sports, talk about cars or just enjoy a tasty sandwich! I think there's more to your condition!

Sinclair: !!!

Callaghan: You're obsessed! It's an addiction! You need von Toity because the money he provides can bring you an endless supply of women! Hookers if need be, though most are just drawn to the allure of your cash, face and your appearance.

Sinclair: Ha ha, you're one wacky mutt you know dat? You be pissin' me off now!

Callaghan: So why the addiction? Why must you have sex with women constantly? Could it be...YOU ARE TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF?!

Sinclair: UGH!

Callaghan: Chief Fisting Falcon has a near invincible attack, Charles Artemis is an experienced and renowned warrior and Wilson P. Hickenbottom is von Toity's right hand who practically runs a whole nation. They are all widely respected individuals. But if it weren't for your crazy sex obsession, you'd be nothing!

Sinclair: No..Not true! I was chosen for my skills as a fighter! Mr. von Toity respects me! And that means everyone respects me!

Sinclair repeats his Sinclair Tornado, but it is now visibly off balance. Not missing a golden opportunity such as this, Det. Callaghan launches himself off the ropes and punches with his metal prosthetic paw! It bursts through Sinclair's defenses and connects with his face, knocking out several teeth and sending him rolling across the mat! The Sinclair Tornado is defeated.

Sinclair: N-no! Dis ain't ovah! DRILL KICK!

With another mighty launch, Sinclair embeds his drilling feet deep into Callaghan's gut again. However, he won't fall so easy now that he's on a roll! At the last second, he uses his metal paw to absorb the impact though it destroys his prosthetic appendage in the process.

Callaghan: S-Sinclair, why are you so self-conscious? Is it because you were unloved as a child?!

Shocked, Sinclair leaps away and begins to scream. He flashes back to when he was a child and his mother's hateful gaze as he pleads for her to open the door. Big bullies all around him stand with AK-47s and look like they're about to airhole him when he starts to dance, amusing them enough to spare his wretched life.

Sinclair: STOP FUCKIN' TALKIN'! I IS GONNA KILL YOU WIT' 'DIS NEXT KICK AN' YOU CAN JOIN YOUR WHORE WIFE IN HELL!

Callaghan: Shit...I know I can break him but I'm running out of energy and information to press him on. Even if I could break him, I can't use the Torture Rack with one paw...

Focusing all his anger on a single attack, Sinclair drops to the ground and uses his arms to fire himself like a rocket with his most violent Drill Kick yet.

HOLD IT!!!

Everyone freezes from the proclamation, including Sinclair whose attack goes off course and he crashes into the ropes where he gets tied up. The man who made the announcement...was REVEREND ZEEBO SYKES!

Sykes: I understand now. Detective, this is a situation where my experience as a man of the cloth takes precedent over your investigation abilities.

Sinclair: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, nigga?

Sykes: In my many years listening to the confessions of sinners, I have learned more than a bit about human psychology. You are right about Mr. Mohammad having issues with his mother. After all, I'm sure he was kicked out of his house as a child.

Sinclair begins to writhe, but cannot loosen himself from the ropes.

Sinclair: STOP IT!

Sykes: Now why would a mother kick out her precious baby boy and put him out on the streets to fend for himself? Did he steal? No, because then he might be helping the family. Did he kill? No, because any mother would help cover up a child's murder. So what could he possibly be kicked out for?

Sinclair: GUNNNNNNNH!


Sykes: I shall tell you what, for it is easy to tell having seen these cases many times before. The reason he was kicked out of his house and he constantly must have sex with women is...

The crowd hushes.

Sykes: SINCLAIR MOHAMMAD IS GAY!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sykes: He has to have sex with women to put on the impression he's a good straight boy and aims to impress von Toity in order to gain the respect his good God-fearing mother refused to give a homosexual!

Sinclair: N-NOOOO! IT'S NOT TRUE!

Sinclair flashes back to his mother catching him making out to a picture of Rudy Ray Moore in his bedroom without any pants on.

Sinclair's mother: WHAT DA FUCK BOY?! GET YOUR FAGGOT NIGGA ASS DEE 'ELL OUT OF MY 'OUSE!

Little Sinclair: N-no! Mama, I is sorry! I is can't 'elp it!

Back in present time, Callaghan smirks and lights a cigarette.

Callaghan: Hmph, thank you reverend. It all finally makes sense. You are gay, Mohammad. But that's not all! You're vying for von Toity's attention not just because you want his respect.

A paw is slammed down on an invisible table.

Callaghan: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HOITY VON TOITY!

The crowd is shocked by this revelation and all of the remaining von Toity team seems appalled by this.

von Toity: Good lord, Sinclair! You filthy deviant!

Tears start to flow readily from Sinclair's eyes. He is now completely uncontrollable as he trashes back and forth, his arms still bound by the ropes. He flashes back to the time he first set eyes on the imposing and mightily mustached von Toity who came to visit him in Brazil where he had been training. Maybe it was the sweaty hairless Brazilian men in the area releasing pheromones or the wealth and prestige that this man brought, but Sinclair felt something he hadn't felt since that day his mother caught him. It was...true love.

Sinclair: F-FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

Having completely lost his mind, Sinclair begins to tug harder and harder in order to attack his accusers. So insane is he that he rips off his own arms at the elbows in order to free himself from the ropes and lunge at Det. Callaghan. His yellowed eyes bulge out of his skull while his bloody stumps leak all over the ring. Sinclair appears about 100 feet tall as he comes crashing forward towards his target with only one plan in mind: MURDER! Sadly for him, this is exactly what Callaghan had been aiming for all along.

Callaghan: RAISE THE WOOF!

Using Sinclair's own rage and momentum against him, Det. Callaghan dips his nose down and is able to send the man soaring so high that he crashes into the stadium ceiling! He is embedded there for two seconds before tumbling back down to the ground. Sinclair doesn't mind the pain of the shards of metal and glass stuck inside him from the ceiling because he knows that without the use of one of his paws, Callaghan will have no chance to use the Torture Rack on him. As soon as he falls down, he'll finish that bastard off!

EXCEPT THAT REVEREND SYKES IS UP IN THE AIR AND PUTS SINCLAIR IN THE HOLY DRIVER!

Sykes: We are one team under God, something you heathens will never understand! If my furry friend cannot finish you off, then I would be more than happy to send you to Hell!

Sinclair: LET GO OF ME, MON! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU TOO!

Using the ropes as a trampoline, Det. Callaghan shoots himself up in the air as well.

Callaghan: It's over for you, asshole! Say hi to Satan for me!

Callaghan lands on Sykes' shoulders!

Callaghan and Sykes: HOLIER DRIVER!!!

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!! SINCLAIR IS DRIVEN INTO THE GROUND HEAD-FIRST BY THE COMBINED WEIGHT OF REVEREND SYKES AND DETECTIVE CALLAGHAN! HIS HEAD AND UPPER BODY EXPLODE LIKE A WATER BALLOON ON IMPACT ENDING HIS LIFE INSTANTLY AS WELL AS ELIMINATING HIM FROM THE MATCH!

Callaghan: Cheryl my wife, that one was for you!

Cole: UNBELIEVABLE! THE GHOSTS OF VON TOITY STRIKE AGAIN!

von Toity: Feh, good riddance! The thought of that man makes me sick to my stomach now. Chief Falcon, destroy those two and let us finish this hideous affair.

The monstrous Chief Fisting Falcon leaps into the ring and is charging palm-first before either Sykes or Callaghan realize what's going on.

[Spamdini]

This will probably be the last part posted for about a week. I have a rather full plate till then. So if you need to catch up, plenty of time!

[Spamdini]

Callaghan: Look out!

Both Det. Callaghan and Rev. Sykes narrowly dodge disaster as Chief Fisting Falcon's Invincible Palm crashes into the mat and creates a large gaping hole in the center of the ring. Carpenters quickly leap in and begin to repair the damage caused, but the match does not stop for something so minor! Callaghan, who leaped to his right in order to avoid the attack, stumbles as the toll of his wounds becomes evident. He clutches at his stump and leans against the ropes in order to steady himself.

Callaghan: D...damn. That Rasta maniac took a lot out of me.

Seeing the obvious opportunity, Chief Fisting Falcon focuses on his target and lines him up in his sights.

Falcon: INVINCIBLE PALM!

BOOM! Chief Falcon is sideswiped by a Rev. Sykes flying dropkick to the temple! Even the normally stout Chief staggers and is forced to steady himself on the ropes. Like a feather floating in the air, Rev. Sykes lands on the top turnbuckle momentarily before taking off again. This time, he soars through the air and lands a perfect elbow drop square into the middle of Chief Fisting Falcon's forehead. Blood begins to trickle from a newly opened gash and the strike had enough power so that the chief is momentarily stunned. Taking off into the sky again without even touching the ground, Rev. Sykes floats up like Jesus up to heaven and comes down hard, using both feet to strike the Chief's ears from either side. It seems to be effective, as Chief Falcon grabs his ears in pain which forces him to let go of the ropes. For the finisher, Sykes flips around several times before connecting with a spin kick to his opponent's chin.

Cole: What a devastating mid-air combo! Chief Fisting Falcon is reeling!

However, he does not fall! Falcon plants his feet into the ground and manages to keep himself upright. He fires his eyes upwards and looks at a confident Reverend Sykes who is standing atop a turnbuckle with his arms crossed. Filled with great rage, he charges straight for the reverend but only succeeds in destroying the turnbuckle! Up in the air is Sykes who is posed to bring his fist straight down on Chief Falcon's head! However, a flying cane strikes him in the side of the face and sends him crashing to the mat instead! The thrower, King von Toity, grabs the ref by the collar and begins shaking him.

von Toity: Idiot! What are you doing?! Callaghan in the legal man in this ring! Send that jumping bean back to his corner or disqualify him!

Referee: But sir...this is a no DQ match!

von Toity: Would you rather I kick you out of Nouveau-Richonia and leave you to the roaming goon hordes?

Referee: Gulp!

Taking the threat to heart, the ref grabs Sykes by the shoulders and forces him back to his corner. He tries to resist, but is warned to comply or be disqualified.

Cole: Damn that von Toity! He's making the rules up to suit his needs!

Ventura: Hey, it's Sykes who isn't following the rules! He should wait in his corner to be tagged in like a good boy instead of running around like a wild animal.

Fisting Falcon cracks his knuckles as a badly beat Det. Callaghan forces himself to stand up against his larger and much more imposing foe.

Chief Falcon: INVINCIBLE PALM!

But Callaghan grins.

Det. Callaghan: RAISE THE WOOF!

Using the unmatched force of the Invincible Palm against itself, Chief Fisting Falcon is sent skyward. Following him up in the air is Callaghan who puts him in the Torture Rack position before flipping upside-down.

Det. Callaghan: TORTURE RACK DRIVER!

Cole: Oh! We've seen this move from Detective Jake Callaghan before! When a guy is too big and strong to use the Torture Rack on, he flips and drives his opponent into the mat instead! And in an instant Callaghan goes from near doom to taking out the strongest member of team von Toity!

Ventura: You know why they don't call you the Mind, Cole? Because you know so little that your body probably even lacks a central nervous system! Just watch.

Falcon's near glowing eyes are unfaltering as he begins to be drive towards the ground below. However, with Callaghan only using a stump to hold his neck rather than a whole paw, the hold is not completely secure. Taking advantage, Chief Falcon slips his neck out from the hold and escape the Torture Rack Driver! Not only that, but he is able to grab Callaghan by the leg and flings him into the mat below!

Callaghan: GEK!!

Sykes: Brother dog! No!

Rudy solemnly shakes his head.

Rudy: He fought hard, but that Chief Fisting Falcon isn't human. There's no way he can win now.

Sykes: Blast you, fiend! Don't just stand there! Save him from that behemoth!

But Rudy just shakes his head.

Rudy: This is an honorable battle between men. I cannot interfere when two gentlemen cross fists. Unless I am tagged in I cannot provide further assistance.

Now barely able to move at all, Det. Callaghan gets up shakily on one knee, which is as tall as he can stand at the moment as he is still reeling from the slam. Chief Fisting Falcon, on the other hand, is poised to finish him off.

Chief Falcon: INVINCIBLE PALM!

Det. Callaghan: Shit! Sinclair seduced my wife, but this monster is the one that killed her. And it looks like...I'm going to join her.

The Invincible Palm connects. A blood-curdling scream echoes throughout the arena.

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The crowd gasps in shock. As does Rudy. As does Callaghan. Standing there with the palm embedded in his back...is Reverend Zeebo Sykes!

Sykes: Friend...I could not let you die here! It is my role in life to be a great martyr like our lord and savior. Do not...mourn me...

And with that Sykes collapses forward into Callaghan's arms. The ref begins waving his arms.

Referee: Alive or not, he's disqualified! Reverend Sykes is eliminated from the match!

With tears in his eyes, Callaghan begins to shake Sykes.

Det. Callaghan: Reverend, wake up! Don't die on me! You can't die!

Cole: *sniff* What a brave man! He saved Jake Callaghan at the cost of his own life!

Ventura: Yeah, and fucked over his team by taking himself out of the match. Nice job, dumbass! I hope Satan doesn't sodomize retards too hard, or else Sykes is in for some hard times.

With his super canine hearing however, Callaghan is able to hear something faint. It's a heartbeat!

Callaghan: He's alive! Sykes is alive! Get an ambulance here!

Chief Falcon: You're in the middle of a match, fool! Worry about your own skin!

Callaghan bows his head.

Callaghan: I...I give up.

Chief Falcon: ?!?!

Callaghan: I can't fight anymore and Reverend Sykes needs medical attention. So I give up! Now let me pass!

Confused, Chief Fisting Falcon puts down his his palm and looks back at his corner. Von Toity is hardly in a giving mood, however.

von Toity: Fool, kill them both! Doesn't matter if they're both out of the match! I want to see their blood all over the mat!

But Charles Artemis grabs von Toity's shoulder.

Artemis: Sir, they're no threat to us right now. Let them leave so we can focus on the ones who are an actual threat to us.

For this, Artemis receives a slap across the face.

von Toity: YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME LIKE THAT?! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FAGGY HONOR! I WANT THEM FUCKING DEAD! DEAD DEAD DEAD! CHIEF, DO IT!

Chief Fisting Falcon looks down at the fallen opponents and sighs.

Chief Falcon: You both fought valiantly and with great skill. It saddens me that I shall never have the honor of fighting you again and pains me that I must do this. However...

He lifts his palm back.

Chief Falcon: THE WORD OF VON TOITY IS ABSOLUTE! DIE!

BAM! A Rudy Kick to the side of Chief Falcon's head! The Chief is so surprised and the impact is so devastating that he falls to the mat for the first time in the match!

Rudy: Sir, your quarrel is with me! It is unwise to take your eyes off your opponent like that.

Callaghan is speechless, but sees his opportunity. He grabs Reverend Sykes and rolls to the outside of the ring. As he begins to drag him to the backstage area, Callaghan looks back at the ring with a sense of regret.

Callaghan: Fisting Falcon, you killed my wife. I'll never forget that! This isn't over! And Rudy, I'm sorry I couldn't be of more use to you and HvT.

And like that, both warriors disappear behind the backstage curtain. Von Toity is visibly pissed, but his look of anger quickly disappears.

Von Toity: Ah well, I'll take care of those losers later. Taking down Rudy will be enough enjoyment for one evening! Artemis and I are completely undamaged and Chief Falcon's wounds are superficial. HvT is out like a light and you're the only man left to stand up against the three of us, are you not lad?

Rudy doesn't say a word. He just stands in the ring with an old-fashioned boxing stance, staring Fisting Falcon straight in the eye as if he was confronting a wild animal. Even the mountainous and imposing chief finds himself reluctant to approach the readied gentlemen who is prepared to fight in a 3-on-1 handicap duel. As he takes a step backwards, a hand slaps him on the back. It is Charles Artemis tagging himself in.

Artemis: I'll do this. The lad and I have old scores to settle. Besides, we both have questions that can only be answered with this fight.

Von Toity shakes his cane in anger.

von Toity: Don't do anything stupid! If things get bad you tag Chief Falcon in! You hear me, Artemis?!

Artemis: King von Toity...FUCK YOU!

Artemis returns the favor from before and slaps von Toity across the face! Everyone in the arena gasps in shock simultaneously!

Artemis: Working for you has never sat well with me. Quite frankly, there are times where you've made me sick! The only reason I joined up with your cause is so that I would have the opportunity to fight the best of the best! And after all these years, it seems as if my patience has paid off. I'm not fighting for you here! I'm fighting for myself!

Seething with great rage, von Toity hops off the ring apron onto the ground below. He orders Chief Falcon to do the same and he complies.

von Toity: Fine then! Then neither one of us will lift a finger until one of you is dead! And for your sake, you'd better hope YOU'RE the one who dies!

Artemis spits on the mat and approaches Rudy without one shred of fear or doubt in his mind.

Cole: This will be incredible! The perfect gentleman versus the greatest pound-for-pound ring warrior we've ever seen! This will be a fight for the ages!!