Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[YES]

A history, by Matthew Outland


I am going to write this essay gradually

Prior to the civil war the south was arguably an asset to this country. Many of America's respected founders were southern, and they made damn good soldiers. People don't really talk about early American military prowess as if were anything special, but the US kicking the shit out of Indians, spics, or even the English had a great deal to do with southern toughness and leadership. Not to mention southerners were the most warlike, and probably started all these wars in the first place, but at least they won. Of course, this essay is not about southern valor, but why its a piece of shit.

I write this essay because it will help the rest of the world understand
america's political situation, and thus somehow view it with more sympathy.


Although the south was a piece of shit almost from the get go (because it had the worst disease climate. Although the south had the best agricultural climate, that just meant the servant and slave owners would prevail), it was at least productive due to slavery and good agricultural climate. But starting in the 19th century, the south gradually became unforgivable. by 1810, the following observations could be made:

A. The north had abolished slavery and indentured servitiude; the south was stubbornly maintaining it
B. The country outlawed the IMPORTATION of slaves, but the south managed to SMUGLLE MANY NEGROS in
C. Most immigrants were heading north to improve their lives; the south was falling grossly behind in population because of this


Later, Andew Jackson said to South Carolina that if they seceded he would personally kick their ass. Which is why the civil war was delayed. THe rationalization that slavery of blacks meant freedom for whites was no longer true by the 1830s, where anything remotely abolition related (even receiving literature thereof) was made illegal. And then there were laws restricting the freedom of free blacks being made in the 1820s, where free blacks had to carry papers with them to show that they were free.

I wont get in to the causes of the civil war. Objectively, it was secession, and not slavery, that was the cause.



But a more detailed history shows the southerners were just being assholes. Southerners claimed to be a victim of the majority; but, despite posessing only a quarter of the voting populace, they controlled at least a third of the house of representatives, half the senate, and 2/3 of presidents, speakers, secretaries, and chief judges. And thats not even including what were called "doughface" politicians who achieved power by appealing to southern interest.

The south claimed to be a victim of a powerful federal government violating states rights. Actually, the south violated OTHER states rights with the fugitive slave act. It, of course, tended to be a southern president who was expanding federal power in the first place, and if a major constitutional issue came in to question, it was most likely by a southern judge. Also, expanding Federal power helped build infrastructure, something the south SUCKED at building on its own.

The south wanted to expand slavery to other regions; this was in fact restricted. But a southern judge declared this unconstitutional in the Dred Scott case. In any event, the south effectively forfeited this issue when they seceded. So the causes of this civil war, were, in effect "The rest of the country isn't doing things precisely and exactly our way, so fuck you, we're seceding"

You could buy the argument that the principle southern motivations for secession was more about tariffs and states rights, but then you would have to ignore a rather conspicuous correlation between slave percentages and a desire to secede; South Carolina, who had the highest percentage of slaves, was the first to secede, followed by Mississippi, who had the second highest percentage of slaves. Of course, the 5 states least dependent on slavery (Kentucky, Missouri, West Virginia, Maryland, Delaware), stayed with the union. Right down to the county, more than 10 percent slaves were pro-confederate, less than 5 percent slaves were pro-union.

And of course, a state with zero slaves had a zero percent chance of seceding.



Secession was retarded. Due to cotton/tobaco exports and want of industry and infrastructure, the south was the most heavily dependant on trade, yet the union would probably maintain control of most of the navy, thus starting a blockade of southern goods to the world if not the south itself. So the southern economy was wrecked from the get go.


After the war The slaves were freed (undercutting the economy) tarriffs were passed (hurting southern trade), and the south was placed under what they claimed to be a corrupt military dictatorship for 11 years before the occupation was lifted in 1876.

Reconstruction was in fact inept and corrupt in the political sense, but it had its benefits. Although confederate soldiers and leaders were suspended of their right to vote, full (but temporary) civil rights were granted to blacks, and the freedman's beureau raised the negro literacy rate from 5 to 25 percent. And a closer look shows there was more to the souths lack of recovery than merely the "corrupt incompetant northerrners"



First, they form a terrorist organization called the KKK, who just went around being assholes. These racist fucks, rather than rebuild their own country, decided being a buncha stupid criminals was the smarter idea. They were classified as a terrorist force by the reconstruction officials.
The KKK had an estimated 500,000 members, a staggering number for a region with less than 9 million and that had much of its eligible populace killed off in the civil war.


The southern agenda was rebuild their formidable cotton industry. This was dumb, for the following reasons:

Cotton prices had been dropping since 1857

Cotton was now tarriffed by the federal government, raising cotton prices



They no longer had slaves or money to pick cotton (duh)

Their prime customers, such as the British empire, became more self sufficient in cotton due to the blockade. In addition to the above factors, they were no longer willing to reduce their cotton sufficiency by trading with the south like they used to

Finally, it was dumb because it was dumb. The south was impoverished and in hungry ruins yet the south simply tried to repeat the same old fashioned formula. Nevertheless, reconstruction went along with cotton; it managed to recover the export in terms of supply (though not value), which is actually not bad for a "corrupt reconstruction". Still it wasnt' enough and the south remained poor.


Reconstruction might have been "inept" but as we shall see the real idiocy didn't even begin yet.


JIM CROW LAWS- Southern society was based firmly around racism, so they had to make a legal system to maintain the veneer of white supremacy. This was bad for even business, as to maintain discrimination even opening a restaurant could get more complicated than it needed be. The south also led the country in disenfranchisement (harrassing voting polls to influence elections)

The south charged people the most money to vote. Prior to the civil war, poll taxes helped keep people too poor to own slaves from voting, while filling government coffers with the poll taxes of slaveholders. Naturally this became impractical in the aftermath of the civil war, but the south did it anyway, making southern politics even more elitist, and with no money since people weren't going to pay for that crap. No, this was not good for civics. Their state governments no longer made a mint off of sales taxes, which made a ton of money for state governments when slavery was around. And no money meant an even shittier infrastructure than it already had.

Southern politics was (and is) so elitist that the region became known as the "solid south", it always voted democratic. This was an anomaly; the most conservative region in the nation voting democratic. But Republicans were in the power in the north during the civil war, thus the antipathy for republicans. This would change in the 60's, becoming solidly republican, for less than noble reasons, which we will get in to in this essay.

And of course they lead the country in harshest penalties, and privatization of prison labor. It was the most illiterate uneducated region in the country, and to this day, also the poorest region in the country

The south did become more religious; religion declined more slowly in the south than in the north, which is why the south is the most religious region.


If the south has been the most backwards region in the country, and that reason is they dont own slaves, its because the south is a piece of shit


Much of southern "recovery" was a direct result of discipline from the federal government. When the federal government introduced more workers rights, welfare programs, student loans etc. this naturally helped out the south more than any other region, because the south had the most abuses.

THe south is and has been heavily subsidized; few southern states are net contributors to federal coffers, yet the south whines the hardest about how more liberal states are parasitic.



Recovery was finally complete, when the Civil Rights act of 1964 was passed, which prevented discrimination on the base of race or gender, and the voting rights act of 1965, in which the south could no longer charge people money to vote, or allow voters to be harrassed or rigged at the polls. This brought the souths civil rights record up to a respectable level.

As you can see, little of the south's progress in keeping up with the civilized world was not of its own initiative. But its the enforcement that matters right? Maybe, but not without one final evil. The south was so resentful of being forced to grant its populace full civil and voting rights, that it became SOLID REPUBLICAN instead of solid democratic, which is why, since the late 60s, the federal government in the US has become a monster of conservatism, and will remain so for the forseeabe future.


Prohibition would have been less likely to pass without the south, and George Bush would not have been elected period.


Seriously, these guys are pricks

[YES]

I am too lazy to finish this. Theldorrin finish this for me

[FancyMichael]

Have you ever even really been to the south?

Texas doesn't really count, fuck head!

[YES]

I have always maintained that saying a state is only "kinda southern" is like saying its only "kinda of a raging piece of shit that will never be part of the civilized world"

But yeah, Ive been to Tennessee, North Carolina, Viriginia, and Florida

[YES]

I am really tired of this "Texas isnt southern" shit


Who the fuck goes to Texas and says "Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd say I was in SoCal!"

Texas is THE supplier of oil to this country, yet still needs handouts from the rest of the country

If that isnt southern than I don't know what is!

[Servbot]

Florida is mostly populated by northerners.

[YES]

Not to mention spics

Still, Im kinda tired of this "x isnt southern" logic. There are only 5 or 6 states that would remotely qualify as a totally distinct "southern" culture

[Let My Love Open The Door]

Matt, this is a good essay but you should refer back to your thesis statement more often.

It's awesome how much energy is expended by Southerners rationalizing their part of the Civil War and debating ways they could have won.

[Rice]

It is also awesome learning about the Civil War in a southern school and the teachers trying to justify the south's arguments.

[Theldorrin]

You're all southerners to me.
_________________
@}-,-'- *~*~* Member of the FTU Elegant Tea Party Society *~*~* -'-,-{@

[Servbot]

/thread

[Seru]

I'm none too fond of easterners myself.

[Seru]

*smokes granola*

[Let My Love Open The Door]

The Mexican War would not have happened if it weren't for the sick, brutal machinations of Southern politicos. Texas is rightfully a Southern state.

[8 bit orgy]

You needed to write an essay to convince anyone that the south is bad?

[YES]

The thing with the south is anyone not from Mississippi and Florida is in the south because he or she doesnt mind it too much

Theyre either fucking ugly, stupid, or too miserable in the head to be happy anywhere else, but the region has its supporters

[YES]

I admit to having this childish disorder where if 90 percent of people think the south is utter shit, I am vastly irritated by the 10 percent who dont

[Yogurtman]

This thread is powerful and mostly accurate.