Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Theldorrin]

An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates - a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance - are asked what starting salary they are expecting.
The pure mathematician: "Would $30,000 be too much?"
The applied mathematician: "I think $60,000 would be OK."
The math finance person: "What about $300,000?"
The personnel officer is flabberghasted: "Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?"
"Well, I thought of $135,000 for me, $135,000 for you - and $30,000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work."

[Theldorrin]

"Wasn't yesterday your and your wife's first wedding anniversary? What is it like having being married to a mathematician for a whole year?"
"She just filed for divorce..."
"I don't believe it! Did you forget about your wedding day?"
"No. Actually, on my way back home from work, I stopped at a flower store and bought a bouquet of red roses for my wife. When I came home, I gave her the roses and said: `I love you.'"
"So, what happened?!"
"Well, she took the roses, slapped them around my face, kicked me in the groin, and threw me out of our apartment..."
"What a bitch!"
"No, no... it's all my fault... I should have said: `I love you and only you.'."

[GimpMask]

You fucking asshole.

[GimpMask]

That second one is the worst joke I've ever heard in my life

[GimpMask]

I'm assuming it was meant to be a joke

[Theldorrin]

proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.
proof by omission:
"The reader may easily supply the details"
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
proof by eminent authority:
"I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-complete."
proof by personal communication:
"Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete [Karp, personal communication]."
proof by reduction to the wrong problem:
"To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem."
proof by reference to inaccessible literature:
The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883.
proof by importance:
A large body of useful consequences all follow from the proposition in question.
proof by accumulated evidence:
Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.
proof by cosmology:
The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.
proof by mutual reference:
In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A.
proof by metaproof:
A method is given to construct the desired proof. The correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques.
proof by picture:
A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well with proof by omission.
proof by vehement assertion:
It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the audience.
proof by ghost reference:
Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in the reference given.
proof by forward reference:
Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first.
proof by semantic shift:
Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for the statement of the result.
proof by appeal to intuition:
Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.

[Theldorrin]

Morgan, take note of these!

[Theldorrin]

After Receiving an Invitation to a Mathematicians' Ball:

Augustin Louis Cauchy said he surely will managed to integrate well with everyone.

David Hilbert was afraid he will be pretty spaced out for most of the party.

Paul Erdös asked: "Are epsilons invited too?"

John Forbes Nash insisted on playing n-person zero sum games.

Zeno of Elea said he will come with two friends - Achilles and the tortoise.

Bertrand Russell was wondering: "If the cook only cooks for the guests, who cooks for the cook?"

Kurt Gödel insisted that the invitation is incomplete and never will be.

[Theldorrin]

A physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The physicist chose the fire, which gave humanity the power over matter. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes -- so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it *know*?"


Chris is the mystic.

[Theldorrin]

A mathematician decides he wants to learn more about practical problems. He sees a seminar with a nice title: "The Theory of Gears." So he goes. The speaker stands up and begins, "The theory of gears with a real number of teeth is well known ..."

[Theldorrin]

It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is
four times bigger than the previous record."

[8 bit orgy]

Wow you ARE fucking crazy, Thel.

[Big Fagot]

[Theldorrin]

Hahahahaha!

[Stupid Fucking Faggot]

Oh man.

The carousing of nerds.

[Let My Love Open The Door]

More like "Oh man."

[Let My Love Open The Door]

RDRR

[Let My Love Open The Door]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

[johnbuisthegreat]

because 7 8 9

[Let My Love Open The Door]

I was eating lunch with somebody the other day and they were telling me about one of their friends who says she senses numbers like colors. I asked if she was good at math and they said no, and I said there was something critically wrong with that story.