FTU
Dragon Ball Z Uncensored
The only place on the World Wide Web where you can hang out with Chris Psaros-san, the coolest webmaster this side of Namek!
 
  FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Timeline

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Dragon Ball Z Uncensored Forum Index -> DBZxOne Piece Fan Fiction
           Author           Message
Yogurtman
Odin
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 2248
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:16 am)
Reply

Post     Timeline

Vinny has asked me to post this like 900 times, so I guess I should!

OUR WORLD / REAL WORLD

Before Time - D'Lo Brown.

The Beginning of Time - God comes into existence, the events that led to his creation are unknown. Once born, God created the universe, using his infinite powers to give birth to billions and billions of planets and stars. Next, he created life. All of this was for the sole purpose of worship.

Thousands of Years after the Beginning of Time - The sentient creatures in the universe recognized that they were, indeed, existified by a higher power but chose not to worship him, seeing no reason as their lives were perfect. Angry for not receiving accolades for everything ever, God decided to send a message. He gives birth to suffering with the event known as "The Great Smiting."

The Great Smiting - God smited nearly half of the universe, his infinite power eradicated the once life-filled solar systems in an immeasurably small amount of time. Sure, God could have forcibly made them worship him, but that was no fun.

80,001,000,000 B.C. - The first humans inhabit Earth.

80,000,000,000 B.C. - The first Space Valhallians wage war on the Bloodfields.

79,999,999,085 B.C. - One human became fed up with his fellow humans' subserviance to the creator, bitter over the near destruction of his race when God blew up half the universe. This man, his original name lost to the sands of time, was called Lucifer. He urged the humans to stop worshipping such a malevolent being, citing the fact that death was more honorable. He cursed at God saying that he wouldn't be that great if didn't have all his infinite powers and that he should pick on someone his own size. God, not wanting to look like a fool in front of a species he could easily erase with a single thought decided to show Lucifer what's what and granted him the very same powers he had himself. Lucifer smiled as he obtained ultimate power through outsmarting God. Using his new abilities he attacked the creator in his heavenly palace. God struck back, sending him to Hell with a vicious blow, a place he constructed seconds ago. Before Hell could enclose on Lucifer and remove him of his omnipotence, he cast a curse on God, seperated his body into hundreds of pieces and spread them throughout the universe. These ethreal beings became the rulers of planets. God's dick and bicep muscles, bound together with the chain of fate, ruled over Space Valhalla.

79,999,999,001 B.C. - Rawkbeard, the largest Space Valhallian is born.

79,999,998,976 B.C. - Rawkbeard, despite being one of the strongest Space Valhallians in existence, wanted to be able to kill his enemies faster. He knew that attempting to strengthen his near-perfect body was futile. The swords and spears he used to slay his opponents weren't strong enough. So, he using his amazing intellect, he invented a new type of weapon, the guitar. These guitars could channel the body's natural energy (Ki to the Japanese, Chi to the Chinese) into a darker, more violent form called Rockatricity. With this weapon, he was able to quickly conquer the planet but his bizarre, altruistic beliefs (any feeling that isn't desire to kill or mate is bizarre on Space Valhalla) led him to spare the society. To make the battles of Space Valhalla greater, warriors commissioned guitars of their own in exchange for space ale and large shanks of meat. Rawkbeard retired to Fuck Mountain to hone his skills as a guitarsmith.

79,999,998,953 B.C. - A lowly Space Valhallian female was somehow impregnated without yet being de-virginized. The local villagers feared her, unable to comprehend how a pregnancy could occur without the traditional raping occurring before hand. Weeks later, a mighty Space Valhallian warrior named Cok'Fatt attempted to penetrate her with his mighty space shaft. To his horror, he found his genitalia ripped off from his body. From that day on the villagers never spoke to the woman again.

79,999,998,952 B.C. - Manlinius is born naturally, uncommon in Space Valhalla. Usually a local barbarian counts the rings on the Space Valhallian female's bloated stomach. If they exceed 47 (this takes around five months), the fetus is ripped from her womb and dumped in the rivers of blood leaked from slain warriors, the pools of blood becoming their new wombs. Although Manlinius birth was natural it was no less violent. The woman's innards were fired violently from her vagina until she exploded. None dare stop the child walking from her corpse, instinctively heading towards battle.

79,999,998,949 B.C. - At age three Manlinius becomes the strongest warrior in Space Valhalla.

79,999,998,939 B. C. - Tsh'Rok is born.

79,999,998,931 B.C. - Manlinius, a master at Rockatricity, murders a total of 5,000 warriors. Seeking more power, he asks the mighty Rawkbeard for a more powerful guitar. Rawkbeard strives to comply with this request, but is unable to find a material able to channel the intense amount of rockatricity Manlinus is able to wield. Angered, Manlinus kills Rawkbeard because he's an asshole. He then continues killing shitloads of Space Vallhallians the OLD FASHIONED way.

79,999,998,924 B.C. - Tsh'Rok, who has become one of the strongest Space Valhallians, battles Manlinus in an epic struggle to become the mightiest on the planet. The shock waves and riffs of Rockatricity are so intense, they are felt by the intelligent races on hundreds of other inhabited planets.

79,999,998,923 B.C. - After a ridiculous battle that takes an entire fucking year, Tsh'Rok kills Manlinus. Meanwhile, the United Federation of Planets convenes a special session of the Assembly to discuss how to handle the "Space Vallhallian Menace".

79,999,998,922 B.C. - Recognizing that the power and vicious nature of the Space Valhallians constitutes a threat to all galactic life, the combined armed forces of over 200 worlds launch a massive armada with the intention of subjugating the Space Valhallians. Because of the nature of faster-than-light travel, it is expected that it will take approximately 50 years for the ships to reach Space Valhalla (although much less time will pass for those on the ships).

79,999,998,922 to 79,999,998,874 B.C. - As the armada travels towards Space Valhalla, the bursts of Rockatricity felt by the civilians throughout the galaxy become stronger and more frequent. A barely suppressed panic sweeps the galaxy as the Freeborg of Ix (sort of a Space Pope) is heard to remark "These creatures may be stronger than God himself."

79,999,998,873 B. C. - The Rockatricity outbursts suddenly cease.

"79,999,998,872 B.C. - The armada arrives at Space Valhalla to find a world totally devoid of life. Recon teams are sent down to the surface, and they discover that the entire planet is littered with the bodies of Space Valhallians.

Their necks are broken."

~History continues more or less as you learned it in school~

A.D. 758 - The Arab scholar Ali Drozdov, the world's foremost expert on the life of Mohammad, begins his study of the life of Jesus of Nazareth. It is in the course of this study that he discovers the existence of the being known as "D'Lo Brown".

A.D. 758 - 761 - Ali Drozdov continues to pursue any information he can find regarding D'Lo. In 761, after a mysterious meeting with a cloaked man, Ali Drozdov vanishes.

A.D. 771 - Ali Drozdov reappears. Eyewitnesses report that he carries a large book with him everywhere - rumored to be the tome known to later geneartions as the D'Lonomicon. Within a month of his reappearance, Ali Drozdov dies.

Nov 3rd, A.D. 1921 - Charles Bronson is born. He never meets James McHarris and lives his life as recorded in history.

A.D. 1926 - A young archeologist named Lex Dangerseeker discovers evidence of the D'Lo legend in Aztec ruins. Intrigued, he devotes much of his career to the study of the D'Lo mythos.

A.D. 1930 - J. Brock McHarris is born to Ramathorn and Audrey McHarris. Audrey McHarris dies during childbirth and Ramathorn is unable to work due to losing his arms and legs in World War I. Luckily James McHarris was born the size of a full grown man and took a job at the shipping docks moving crates of novelty oversized paperweights.

A.D. 1935 - Ramathorn McHarris blaming his son for the death of Audrey McHarris attempts to murder James in his sleep but is met with a tombstone piledriver. Having no further connections keeping him in America McHarris swims to Germany.

A.D. 1939 - McHarris arrives in Germany and is greeted with World War II. McHarris makes a US army uniform out of the bones of Nazis and unofficially enlists joining Platoon 254, "The Raging Clithammers".

A.D. 1945. - McHarris and co invade Castle Wolfenstein, a site of unsuccessful Nazi research into the occult. McHarris storms the castle single-handedly, but sustains massive injuries and dies shortly afterwards.

A.D. 1960 - Guan Fei is born.

A.D. 1976 - Lex Dangerseeker dies of heart failure. Despite his best efforts and many exciting adventures, he was never able to locate a copy of the D'Lonomicon.

A.D. 1981 - Theldorrin (aka "Theldorrin I") is born.

July 16th, A.D. 1983 - Rakkyu Saketumi is born.

December 7th, A.D. 1999 - Rakkyu Saketumi joins the Yamada-gumi.

August 30th, A.D. 2003 - Charles Bronson dies of pneumonia and Alzheimer's

A.D. 2006 - Rakkyu Saketumi is framed for the murder of the Oyabun of the Yamada-gumi and killed by Kuroda Saito and his minions.

A.D. 2062 - Theldorrin and his AI, Hector, complete a successful clone of Theldorrin. They name the clone Theldorrin II. Shortly after the clone is completed, Theldorrin dies.

A.D. 2138 - Theldorrin II realizes death is imminent. His brain is transferred directly into a new clone, named Theldorrin III. Theldorrin III founds a robotics company, all of whose robots contain secret programming pertaining to his plan of eventual world conquest

A.D. 2210 - The Theldorrin III body grows old and once again undergoes a brain transplant, this time into Theldorrin IV. As Theldorrin III was a wealthy public figure, an explanation is required for his absence and change in physique. Hector issues a press release stating that IV is the son of III and will be taking over his company.

A.D. 2230 - Theldorrin IV becomes the world's wealthiest man. With his robots and cell phone programs spread throughout the world, he decides that the time to act has come. His robots slaughter world leaders and crush resistance while the cell phone program acts as a form of mind control. For a brief period, Theldorrin IV is ruler of the world. However, a group of computer nerds infiltrate his fortress, the Newton, and murder him in his sleep.

One month later, A.D. 2230 - Hector, having recovered Theldorrin IV's body, creates a new clone, Theldorrin V. Theldorrin V reactivates his robots and conquers the Earth again, initiating a brutal rule.

A.D. 2280 - Theldorrin V's brain is transplanted into Theldorrin VI. With the conquest of Earth complete, VI turns to establishing colonies on Earth's moon and the planet Mars.

A.D. 2348 - Theldorrin VI decides that he has reached the limits of human flesh and creates a cybernetic body, Theldorrin VII, to be his replacement. The 30% robotic VII establishes his base of operations on Pluto in order to be more removed from the humans he rules and loathes.

A.D. 2356 - Theldorrin VII begins experimenting with upgrades to his future clone bodies. As he fears the potential power of these experiments, he destroys them by launching them into the sun.

A.D. 2358 - One of the clone bodies crash-lands near a colony on one of the moons of Mars. The scientists there, realizing that this body has the power to oppose Theldorrin, transplant the brain of a volunteer named Michael Kunz into it. Kunz declares himself Theldorrin VIII and conquers the Earth while Theldorrin VII is on Pluto, powerless to oppose him.

A.D. 2358-2368 - Theldorrin VII amasses his forces on Pluto for a counterattack. Meanwhile, Theldorrin VIII grants cybernetic bodies to several of his most trusted warlords.

A.D. 2368 - Theldorrin VII hacks into the computer system in Theldorrin VIII's fortress and launches a missile attack on VIII's warlords. They naturally counterattack against VIII and the world collapses into chaos.

A.D. 2369 - Theldorrin VII arrives on Earth with a fleet of warships and reconquers the planet, killing Theldorrin VIII. However, one of VIII's cybernetic warlords, named Beau, escapes and travels with his entire force to Pluto in hopes of stealing any technology Theldorrin VII might have left behind.

Two weeks later - Theldorrin VII, left behind on Earth, rebuilds his one teleportation device (it had been destroyed in VIII's original attack) in order to pursue Beau to Pluto. He eventually catches Beau and kills him. However, a bomb planted in Beau's body kills Theldorrin VII. Theldorrin's mind awakens in a new clone body, one lacking any cybernetic upgrades. This clone is christened Theldorrin IX.

One month later, A.D. 2370 - Theldorrin IX arrives back on Earth to find his fortress deserted. He is shocked to discover that Hector has decided that he is the true heir to the Theldorrin legacy and has built an entirely robotic body named Theldorrin X. Theldorrin X quickly kills IX and begins establishing his control over the Earth

A.D. 2371 - While Theldorrin X wipes out the last remaining rebel factions, a group of human rebels steal the corpse of Theldorrin IX and work to reverse-engineer the cloning process, creating Theldorrin XI.

A.D. 2372 - 2378 - Theldorrin XI's armies conquer a significant portion of the world. Eventually he turns on the humans who created him and kills them, as they represent a potential threat. However, Theldorrin X remains unaware of XI's existence, believing the new army to simply be another of the human rebel forces.

A.D. 2378 - On the 20th anniversary of Theldorrin VII's great mistake, Theldorrin XI launches an attack on X's Canadian fortress. He struggles with X and appears to be gaining the upper hand before X and XI are both suddenly killed by a laser blast. Theldorrin X (Hector) had transferred his mind to a new body years earlier, and it was this robot, named Theldorrin XII, that killed XI and the robot shell of X.

A.D. 2378 - 2380 - Theldorrin XII brutally crushes all resistance, killing billions of humans who were potential rebels. His dominance of the world is complete.

A.D. 2400 - growing bored with the utter subservience of mankind, Theldorrin XII hits upon the idea of travelling back in time in order to conquer the world again. He creates a new robot body, Theldorrin XIII, and sends it back in time. However, this time travel has some unforeseen consequences. The ripples it sends through space-time compress the entire previous history of the universe into a "Time Comet" which is sent hurtling through all times and dimensions simultaneously. A new universe and timeline appears, but the presence of the Time Comet creates some subtle differences...

After Time - D'Lo Brown
Yogurtman
Odin
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 2248
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:19 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

FTUW UNIVERSE

Before Time - D'Lo Brown.

The Beginning of Time - God comes into existence, the events that led to his creation are unknown. Once born, God created the universe, using his infinite powers to give birth to billions and billions of planets and stars. Next, he created life. All of this was for the sole purpose of worship.

Thousands of Years after the Beginning of Time - The sentient creatures in the universe recognized that they were, indeed, existified by a higher power but chose not to worship him, seeing no reason as their lives were perfect. Angry for not recieving accolades for everything ever, God decided to send a message. He gives birth to suffering with the event known as "The Great Smiting."

The Great Smiting - God smited nearly half of the universe, his infinite power eradicated the once life-filled solar systems in an inmeasurably small amount of time. Sure, God could have forcibly made them worship him, but that was no fun.

80,001,000,000 B.C. - The first humans inhabit Earth.

80,000,500,000 B.C. - A race of spacefaring beings known as the Trembulons rise to prominence in interstellar commerce. Their leader, the Trembulator, becomes so rich that he is able to bribe God into giving him eternal life.

80,000,000,000 B.C. - The first Space Valhallians wage war on the Bloodfields.

79,999,999,085 B.C. - One human became fed up with his fellow humans' subserviance to the creator, bitter over the near destruction of his race when God blew up half the universe. This man, his original name lost to the sands of time, was called Lucifer. He urged the humans to stop worshipping such a malevolent being, citing the fact that death was more honorable. He cursed at God saying that he wouldn't be that great if didn't have all his infinite powers and that he should pick on someone his own size. God, not wanting to look like a fool in front of a species he could easily erase with a single thought decided to show Lucifer what's what and granted him the very same powers he had himself. Lucifer smiled as he obtained ultimate power through outsmarting God. Using his new abilities he attacked the creator in his heavenly palace. God struck back, sending him to Hell with a vicious blow, a place he constructed seconds ago.
Before Hell could enclose on Lucifer and remove him of his omnipotence, he cast a curse on God, seperated his body into hundreds of pieces and spread them throughout the universe. These ethreal beings became the rulers of planets. God's dick and bicep muscles, bound together with the chain of fate, ruled over Space Valhalla.

79,999,999,001 B.C. - Rawkbeard, the largest Space Valhallian is born.

79,999,998,976 B.C. - Rawkbeard, despite being one of the strongest Space Valhallians in existence, wanted to be able to kill his enemies faster. He knew that attempting to strengthen his near-perfect body was futile. The swords and spears he used to slay his opponents weren't strong enough. So, he using his amazing intellect, he invented a new type of weapon, the guitar. These guitars could channel the body's natural energy (Ki to the Japanese, Chi to the Chinese) into a darker, more violent form called Rockatricity. With this weapon, he was able to quickly conquer the planet but his bizarre, altruistic beliefs (any feeling that isn't desire to kill or mate is bizarre on Space Valhalla) led him to spare the society. To make the battles of Space Valhalla greater, warriors commissioned guitars of their own in exchange for space ale and large shanks of meat. Rawkbeard retired to Fuck Mountain to hone his skills as a guitarsmith.

79,999,998,953 B.C. - A lowly Space Valhallian female was somehow impregnated without yet being de-virginized. The local villagers feared her, unable to comprehend how a pregnancy could occur without the traditional raping occuring before hand. Weeks later, a mighty Space Valhallian warrior named Cok'Fatt attempted to penetrate her with his mighty space shaft. To his horror, he found his genitalia ripped off from his body. From that day on the villagers never spoke to the woman again.

79,999,998,952 B.C. - Manlinius is born naturally, uncommon in Space Valhalla. Usually a local barbarian counts the rings on the Space Valhallian female's bloated stomach. If they exceed 47 (this takes around five months), the fetus is ripped from her womb and dumped in the rivers of blood leaked from slain warriors, the pools of blood becoming their new wombs. Although Manlinius birth was natural it was no less violent. The woman's innards were fired violently from her vagina until she exploded. None dare stop the child walking from her corpse, instinctively heading towards battle.

79,999,998,949 B.C. - At age three Manlinius becomes the strongest warrior in Space Valhalla.

79,999,998,939 B. C. - Tsh'Rok is born.

79,999,998,931 B.C. - Manlinius, a master at Rockatricity, murders a total of 5000 warriors. Seeking more power, he asks the mighty Rawkbeard for a more powerful guitar. Rawkbeard complies. In his journeys for stronger materials for this new weapon, he is compelled to travel to a crater. Inside the crater is the remnants of a comet made entirely out of the mysterious time diamonds. He chiseled away a sizeable section of time diamonds and took them to Fuck Mountain to be forged. Combining alkaline metals, star dust, the time diamonds, and his own sinew for strings the greatest weapon the universe has ever seen was forged: Starstruck, the God-tar. This process destroyed his arms, leaving Rawkbeard unable to defend himself. Shortly after Rawkbeard delivers Starstruck to Manlinius, some asshole kills him.

At Every Moment Ever in Time - When Rawkbeard removed a section of the Time Diamond-composed comet for his guitar, the comet was damaged and its mystical properties were activated. The barriers of time and space were broken down, the comet existing perpetually and infinitely through time. However, once Ronnie James Dio travels through time using the time diamonds and destroys the solar system the comet was contained in, this event never happened. For records purposes it is listed here.

79,999,998,930 B.C. - Manlinius, indebted to Rawkbeard for creating the ultimate weapon for him sought vengeance on the man who murdered him. However, not knowing who he was Manlinius decided the next best route would be to kill all life on the planet. He traveled across the planet, a single strum of his guitar killing everyone within a 3-mile radius. By sunset Space Valhalla was absent of life, Manlinius its only survivor. Manlinius entered a deep sadness as he would never feel the joy of battle ever again. In anger, he cried out at the gods to undo what he had done. The gods descended from the heavens within a black tornado of locusts and denied him his request. Manlinius, feeled with rage, attacked the gods and defeated them. He left the planet, riding on Starstruck, to seek out greater battles.
However, it was mere minutes after he left Space Valhalla's atmosphere that he encountered Ronnie James Dio exiting a time vortex. They did battle until Manlinius beat back the powerful Dio. In his last moments, Dio grabbed tightly onto Starstruck and played a powerful guitar solo. This movement caused a powerful explosion that rivaled a supernova. The explosion collapsed in on itself, creating a black hole that sucked up the entire solar system, destroying Space Valhalla and the time diamond-composed comet that lay on it. Due to the destruction of the time diamonds, white holes began opening up in different times. Most ejected useless matter, one let loose a few shards of Richonium and even fragmented time diamonds that later were used in the forming of planet Earth, and one very important white hole opened up in the 1970's.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Dio or Manlinus, some Space Valhallians survive the battle due to being picked up by a trading ship from the planet Trivirtiarissdf. However, being Space Valhallians, they soon begin killing their rescuers and each other. The only one to survive the battle on board the ship is the young warrior Tsh'rok. As he does not know how to pilot the ship, he drifts aimlessly through space until the ship happens to collide with some of the time diamond debris left over from Space Valhalla's destruction, and he is flung forward through time.

The cock, balls, and biceps of God arrive in Hell a short time after this. Satan gloats at his enemy's defeat at the hands of Manlinus, then uses one of God's testes to create the Sacred Emerald Medallion, source of the element pussinium.

~History continues more or less as you learned it in school~

A.D. 758 - The Arab scholar Ali Drozdov, the world's foremost expert on the life of Mohammad, begins his study of the life of Jesus of Nazareth. It is in the course of this study that he discovers the existence of the being known as "D'Lo Brown".

A.D. 758 - 761 - Ali Drozdov continues to pursue any information he can find regarding D'Lo. In 761, after a mysterious meeting with a cloaked man, Ali Drozdov vanishes.

A.D. 771 - Ali Drozdov reappears. Eyewitnesses report that he carries a large book with him everywhere - rumored to be the tome known to later geneartions as the D'Lonomicon. Within a month of his reappearance, Ali Drozdov dies.

A.D. 772 - The shadowy organization known as the "Keepers" comes into existence to protect mankind from the secrets contained within the D'Lonomicon.

A.D. 840 - A schism occurs among the Keepers as battle erupts between those who wish to keep the D'Lonomicon hidden and those who, after long exposure to the book, have come to worship its dark master. This faction, known as the Cult of D'Lo, grows more powerful than the Keepers, but the Keepers manage to keep the book safely hidden.

Approximately A.D. 1660 - It is believed that the element "Richonium" is first discovered around this time by various Central and Eastern European peasants.

A.D. 1740 - A minor noble named Hochnäsig von Toity discovers significant deposits of the element "Richonium" somewhere in the area now known as Romania. He establishes a mine and begins to reap huge profits, as Richonium is incredibly rare and highly valuable since it can be used to power pretty much any ridiculous shit you can think of. One of the Richonium crystals, known as the "Star of Toity", is nearly two meters in height and weighs over 500 kg.

A.D. 1743 - The Trembulator contacts von Toity. The Trembulons' vast commercial interests now consume so much energy that they can no longer be supplied through conventional means. In exchange for the nearly infinite energy generated by the Star of Toity, the Trembulator gives von Toity an unfathomable amount of gold.

A.D. 1745 - With the immense wealth granted to him by the Trembulator, von Toity is able to hire an army and carve out his own nation in the area around his mine.. The new nation is named Richonia after its primary export.

Circa A.D. 1830 - It is believed that the von Toitys become deeply involved in the Cult of D'Lo around this time.

A.D. 1843 - Richonia launches an invasion of the neighboring province of Poorkavia. The Poorkavians are too poor to afford any weapons more sophisticated than toothbrushes, and the entire population is slaughtered by the Richonians.

A.D. 1865 - The ship in which Tsh'Rok was riding is flung out of a white hole and directly into the oceans of the planet Earth. Tsh'Rok is killed and descends into Hell. His power impresses Satan, who gives him the Sacred Emerald Medallion and sends him back to Earth to wreak havoc. Tsh'Rok is granted some of the Devil's power and is renamed Hard'Rok.

A.D. 1912 - Theodore Roosevelt loses his bid to serve a third term as President. Recognizing the incompetence of his successors, Roosevelt and his supporters stage a secret coup and install him as a secret President For Life.

Nov 3rd, A.D. 1921 - Charles Bronson is born.

A.D. 1924 - Soviet forces attack Richonia. They are quickly crushed by the incredible technology and superior resources of the Richonian Army.

A.D. 1926 - A young archeologist named Lex Dangerseeker discovers evidence of the D'Lo legend in Aztec ruins. While investigating, he encounters some of the time diamonds and is transported through time.

A.D. 1929 - Theodore Roosevelt dies. Not knowing what to do in the absence of his leadership, America's elected officials allow the country to slide into the Great Depression. Roosevelt's body is preserved in a deep freeze in the hopes that future science will be able to restore him to life.

A.D. 1930 - J. Brock McHarris is born to Ramathorn and Audrey McHarris. Audrey McHarris dies during childbirth and Ramathorn is unable to work due to losing his arms and legs in World War I. Luckily James McHarris was born the size of a full grown man and took a job at the shipping docks moving crates of novelty oversized paperweights.

A.D. 1932 - Following orders written out by his cousin before his death, Franklin Roosevelt is installed as President-For-Life. Fortunately, he manages to win all his elections, and thus can wield power much more openly than could his predecessor.

A.D. 1935 - Ramathorn McHarris, blaming his son for the death of Audrey McHarris, attempts to murder James in his sleep but is met with a tombstone piledriver. Having no further connections keeping him in America McHarris swims to Germany. Before leaving, he gives his boots to a 15 year old Charles Bronson.

Later in 1935 - Bronson is badly beaten by his father, who assumes he either stole the boots or bought them with stolen money. Filled with rage, Charles loses control and causes a mining accident which kills his brothers and leaves his father critically injured.

A.D. 1936 - Hard'Rok, as part of his mission of spreading chaos throughout the world, decides to sail the sea doing battle with pirates. On one of the ships he pillages, his medallion is briefly stolen by an eleven year old cabin boy, Jack Beardsley. Hard'Rok regains the medallion and destroys the ship, but Beardsley always remembers the encounter and thoughout his life attempts to search for the medallion.

A.D. 1937 - Charles's father, who was left crippled by the accident, attempts to kill Charles in revenge. Charles is undaunted by the attack and is forced to kill his father. With no further ties to his hometown, he joins the Army and is assigned to a unit known as "The Raging Clithammers".

A.D. 1939 - McHarris arrives in Germany and is greeted with World War II. McHarris makes a US army uniform out of the bones of nazis and unofficially enlists joining Platoon 254, "The Raging Clithammers".

A.D. 1940 - Nazi scientists begin work on "Project Arschloch", an attempt to create a superhuman soldier. The first fruit of the experiment is the birth of a child named Hochroter Teufel.

A.D. 1943 - A team of Nazi scientists discover a copy of the D'Lonomicon in Iraq's Samarra Mosque.

A.D. 1945 - Franklin Roosevelt dies and America is again left leaderless. However, the war's two great technological advances, atomic energy and electronic computing, allow the scientists of the Manhattan Project to restore life to the preserved corpse of Theodore Roosevelt, who once again assumes his position in the Secret Oval Office.

A short time later, A.D. 1945 - McHarris and co invade Castle Wolfenstein and McHarris defeats Rob Zombie wearing spiked armor thereby ending WWII. 'Project: Arschloch' is discovered but kept under wraps by McHarris who somehow knows it will play an important role in the future of the planet. Hochroter Teufel goes into hiding in the German countryside. It is also believed that McHarris recovers the Germans' copy of the book known as the "D'Lonomicon" at this time. McHarris then swims to Africa.

A.D. 1950 - McHarris uses what little money he found looting corpses during WWII to buy a run down gay bar in the center of Africa. McHarris invents AIDS and uses the club to distribute it to the rest of the continent ensuring little opposition.

A.D. 1952 - During a Civil Rights protest McHarris powerbombs protest leader Zinge Budabwe leading to the discovery of "Pro Wrestling."

A.D. 1953 - The secret U.S. military organization known as "The Magnificent Seven" is created. Although membership changes over time, both Charles Bronson and James Brock McHarris are part of the group from its inception. McHarris is appointed as the group's commander.

A.D. 1958 - Jonesie the Merciless is born in a small, forgotten village. A few weeks later, the pirate ship Meghan Marie, captained by Jack Beardsley, attacks village and kills Jonesie's parents. Beardsley raises Jonesie as his own son, and teaches him of his quest for the sacred Emerald Medallion.

A.D. 1960 - Guan Fei is born.

July 4th, A.D. 1970 - When Ronnie James Dio executed a self-destructive guitar solo using Starstruck, it created a supernova that overtook the Omega-7 solar system. Once it reached the peak of its growth, it collapsed into a black hole. However, as the time diamonds were involved in this cataclysmic explosion, the "white hole" that would spew out the matter sucked in by the black hole appeared in multiple periods of time. One white hole opened up during the year 1970 A.D., ejecting out a glowing white human-like being clutching the ultimate weapon, Starstruck. This being was Handsomus R. Awesome. His body was composed of star matter yet his soul was the merging of Ronnie James Dio and Manlinius' souls. His mind, although his own, was heavily influenced by Dio's soul, so much to the point that Handsomus' memories contained Dio's memories. However, the Manlinius side was subdued, a dark power lurking within him. The day he was created he instantly knew how he was created and took it upon himself to protect the universe from evil.

A.D. 1973 - Masse Teufel, also known as Apathetic or Moloch Arschloch, is born.

A.D. 1974 - The Magnificent Seven assassinate Ho Chi Minh.

A.D. 1975 - Jonesie leads a mutiny against his surrogate father, Jack Beardsley and becomes captain of the Meghan Marie. He mounts the still living Beardsley as a figurehead on the front of the ship until he is killed by birds and exposure. In light of this action against the man who raised him, Jonesie is nicknamed "the Merciless" by his crew.

A.D. 1979 - Sella Phayne is born.

A.D. 1981 - Theldorrin is born.

July 16th, A.D. 1983 - Rakkyu Saketumi is born.

A.D. 1984 - Rasheed Young, aka Puff Ryder, is born.

A.D. 1985 - The twelve year old Masse Teufel, driven to despair by the fact that his father murdered his mother, built a fence out of her body parts, and turned the family dog into stew, ceases to care about anything at all. This gives him super strength for some reason, and he kills his father with a giant fucking axe. Hochroter comes back to life a short time later, though, because he's fucking awesome.

A.D. 1987 - Jack "Jim Beam" Daniels is born. The circumstances surrounding his birth are shrouded in mystery and may be the source of the demonic powers he exhibited in his later FTUW matches.

A.D. 1993-1995 - The Rwandan civil war. The Hutus begin to massacre the Tutsis, but the Tutsis begin to turn the tide after receiving modern weapons and aid from James Brock McHarris. McHarris ignores orders from President Roosevelt commanding him to desist.

January 1st, A.D. 1996 - James Brock McHarris is stripped of his command of the Magnificent Seven and replaced with Charles Bronson. The six remaining members of the group are ordered to travel to Africa and kill McHarris.

A.D. 1997 - Guan Fei meets a young man named Chiang Bei, a descendent of Chiang Kai-shek. He vows to restore Chiang Bei to his rightful place as ruler of China.

October 5th, 1999 - At a taping of WWF Smackdown! in Long Island, New York, an avatar of D'Lo Brown performs a devastating running powerbomb on wrestler Darren "Droz" Drozdov, a descendent of the Mad Arab, Ali Drozdov. Brown then kicks Drozdov in the nuts. The attack leaves Drozdov a parapalegic.

December 7th, A.D. 1999 - Rakkyu Saketumi joins the Yamada-gumi.

February 5th, A.D. 2000 - On the first day of the Year of the Dragon (4696 by the Chinese calendar), Guan Fei launches his rebellion. The province of Sichuan is renamed Neo Shu and Chiang Bei is declared Emperor. News of the rebellion is suppressed by the Communist government, and most foreigners remain unaware of Neo Shu's existence.

October 31st, A.D. 2000 - Theldorrin XIII arrives in his time machine. This event is also the impetus for the creation of the Time Comet, but due to the nature of time travel the comet manifests itself eighty billion years in the past. His first act upon arriving in this universe is to kidnap and imprison the FTUW universe's version of the original Theldorrin.

February 6th, A.D. 2005 - FTUW's worldwide promotional campaign begins! James Brock McHarris purchases a majority of the Super Bowl's advertising slots in anticipation of FTUW's first PPV, Extreme Hardcore: Fuck You 2005.

October 15th, A.D. 2005 - The FTUW's new wrestlers begin cutting promos for Extreme Hardcore: Fuck You 2005. These promos are treated as major news stories and often aired live on the cable news networks. At first, this is simply because McHarris is giving the programming directors of these stations millions of dollars, but soon the hype becomes reality and Americans begin clamoring for more FTUW news. The fact that one of the first televised promos features a ten foot god-man playing a guitar solo that DESTROYS A TOWN doesn't hurt, either.

November 1st, A.D. 2005 - The final card for Extreme Hardcore is announced. Colonel Richardson, the manager of FTUW superstar Ooka Jooka, contacts the INS and has Handsomus R. Awesome deported to outer space in order to give his wrestler a free victory.

November 2nd, A.D. 2005 - A young African-American college student named Rasheed Young comes across a group of punks attacking a black transient. The homeless man gives Rasheed a bag of weed which transforms him into the ultra-powerful PUFF RYDER, defender of the innocent and of the sticky icky.

November 6th, A.D. 2005 - Ooka Jooka fights Joey Jobber, and ends the match by crushing Jobber's genitals and murdering his wife for no reason.

November 9th, A.D. 2005 - Handsomus, who is drifting through space, latches on to a passing comet using a giant lasso made from all of his belts. He then begins to ride it back towards the Earth.

November 10th, A.D. 2005 - At a press conference, Joey Jobber attacks Ooka Jooka and briefly gains the upper hand before Jooka applies the Headshrinker to Jobber, causing his eyes to pop out of his head.

November 13th, A.D. 2005 - The first ever FTUW Pay-Per-View, Extreme Hardcore: Fuck You 2005, takes place in New York City at Madison Square Garden. The first match on the card is Matthew vs. El Tigre, but the instant Matthew enters the ring, he is brutally attacked by Ooka Jooka, and El Tigre is declard the winner by default. Matthew is hospitalized and his career is left in jeopardy. In the second match, Apathetic Arschloch defeats Rakkyu Saketumi, but a defiant Saketumi issues a post-match challenge to all comers! Max Rock then faces off with Romeo Krystal, a match that is brutally ended when Queerbasher runs in and, while attempting to attack Krystal, smashes Rock's face with a metal pole! Bitmask then defeats Mohammad Abdul Bin Destruction. The next bout features Theldorrin XIII and Queerbasher, but Queerbasher is disqualified for attacking a referee. However, Eddie Guerrero, who is inexplicably alive, rushes in and attacks Theldorrin, only to face death for a second time!
In the final qualifier, Ooka Jooka dies at the hands of Handsomus R. Awesome, who arrives back on Earth just in time for his match. The Battle Royale Chariot race, featuring El Tigre, Apathetic Arschloch, Romeo Krystal, Theldorrin XIII, and Handsomus is set to begin! Krystal is eliminated first as Queerbasher attacks him, and El Tigre is the second to fall as Theldorrin rams his chariot into a wall. Shockingly, Bin Destruction hijacks Bitmask's chariot and enters the match as well! He eliminates Arschloch, then suicidally crashes his chariot into the flaming ruins of Krystal's, eliminating both himself and Bitmask. The race comes down to Theldorrin and Handsomus, and climaxes as they collide in a head-on collision! As they leap from the wreckage, Handsomus catches Theldorrin in the Intergalactic Galactic Driver and becomes the first ever FTUW World Champion!

November 14th, A.D. 2005 - A mysterious man, cloaked in purple mist, collects the bodies of Superstar Billy Graham and Eddie Guerrero from the half-destroyed Madison Square Garden. He also enlists Joey Jobber and grants him new eyes made from his purple mist.

November 19th, A.D. 2005 - The 12th Baron of Richonia, Hoity von Toity, announces his entry into the FTUW. He declares that any wrestlers who desire may join his stable, the "Trillionaire's Club", and will be paid one billion dollars per year if they assist him in winning the title.

November 22nd, A.D. 2005 - Rasheed Young's mother discovers his stash of weed and chastises him severely. Immediately afterwards, they receive word that Rasheed's father has died in an industrial accident. Rasheed's mother, distraught, blames Rasheed's pot use for the incident. Rasheed prepares to throw his stash off a bridge, but then encounters NFL star and champion pot smoker Ricky Williams, who takes Rasheed under his wing and begins grooming him to compete in the FTUW as Puff Ryder in order to feed his family.

November 24th, A.D. 2005 - Von Toity and the first member of his Trillionaire's Club, the now-crippled Bitmask, face off against Dick Jabroni. Jabroni is quickly pinned.

November 29th, A.D. 2005 - Theldorrin XIII declares that he will kill one jobber each week until he is given the title he feels he earned at Extreme Hardcore. His first victim is a random homeless man.

December 3rd, A.D. 2005 - Joey Jobber, now under the control of the Cloaked Man, defeats Dick Jabroni.

December 6th, A.D. 2005 - Theldorrin's second victim is Joey Jobber's brother, Jonathan "The Ultimate" Jobber.

December 7th, A.D. 2005 - Theldorrin XIII dispatches a team of robot ninjas to attack Handsomus. They first mock him with the remains of The Ultimate Jobber, and then attempt to steal his god-tar. Handomus dispatches the ninjas, then flies into space and destroys Theldorrin's space station, the Calculus, with an intense burst of ROCK.

December 14th, A.D. 2005 - The second FTUW Pay-Per-View, Intestinal Rape, takes place at the Dubai See Dubai Arena somewhere in the UAE. The first bout is a pole on a pole match featuring Romeo Krystal and Queerbasher. Krystal rams the metal pole up Queerbasher's ass, raping him. Queerbasher then smashes the pole, still embedded in his ass, into Krystal's head, knocking the superfag unconcious. This impact causes the pole to rupture Queerbasher's internal organs and he is killed! In the second match, Von Toity is beaten by Bin Destruction, but after the match Von Toity's manager, Bitmask, springs into the ring and beats Bin Destruction severely. The third match features Jonesie the Merciless and Puff Ryder in a Walk the Plank match. Jonesie wins, but Puff Ryder survives the shark tank because even sharks love a nigga with weed. The fourth match is a blender match featuring Apathetic Arschloch, El Tigre, and Matthew. Arschoch emerges victorious, and Matthew is liquified in the giant blender.
In the fifth match of the evening, Rakkyu Saketumi brutally kills Max Rock. This is followed by a brief interlude in which the Cloaked Man resurrects Billy Graham and Eddie Guerrero. Finally, in the main event, Theldorrin XIII faces off against FTUW champion Handsomus R. Awesome! The epic match continues for 60 minutes, and just when it seems that Theldorrin is on the verge of victory, the time limit expires and the match comes to an end, leaving Handsomus to retain his title. Handsomus then destroys the arena with a guitar solo. Announcer Tony Schiavone is killed by a falling girder.

December 15th, A.D. 2005 - Theldorrin XIII rebuilds Queerbasher's body, bringing him back to life as a cyborg.

December 17th, A.D. 2005 - A young Kentuckian named Jack "Jim Beam" Daniels begins training to compete in the FTUW, under the guidance of his "father", Charlie Daniels.

December 26th, A.D. 2005 - Von Toity offers Rakkyu Saketumi membership in the Trillionaire's club if he can defeat the Bulgarian fighters Nockov, Petrov, and Fockov and then drop 500 kg of gold on their corpses.

December 27th, A.D. 2005 - Jack Daniels beats the shit out of Job Jobber III, the father of Joey Jobber.

December 28th - Saketumi beats the tar out of the Bulgarians, but then urinates on the gold and tells von Toity to piss off! That night, von Toity recovers the gold, melts it, and encases the three musclemen in a golden statue. Charlie Daniels then signs a secret agreement with Hoity von Toity. Von Toity will fund Jack's FTUW career if Jack will, in exchange, cripple Rakkyu Saketumi. Toity gives Daniels the latest creation of Richonian scientists, the liquid known as "Ultrahol".

January 1st, A.D. 2006 - Theldorrin XIII sponsors a coup that brings down the Communist government of China. Zhou Wen Chi is installed as President, with Theldorrin as the de facto ruler.

January 3rd - January 10th - Jack Daniels travels to Harbin, China, Haiti, Iraq, and Brazil and beats this shit out of various street gangs in order to learn more about Saketumi's fighting style.

January 4th - The zombie versions of Matth Rock and Joey Jobber beat the shit out of the "Bald-win" brothers, Alec and Stephen, and murder Billy Bald-win. The Cloaked man laughs.

January 5th -

January 7th, A.D. 2006 - Handsomus attempts to spur the American government into action against Theldorrin's Chinese regime. George Bush cries like a baby, so Handsomus takes action himself and destroys a Chinese army. The new and improved Queerbasher attacks Handsomus as he makes his way out of the country, but Handsomus defeats him easily.

January 13th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Big Murder Fist Bonanza begins with a match between Fancy Lala and Puff Ryder, which ends with Lala being counted out due to leaving the ring. Rakkyu Saketumi then defeats Jack Daniels, but Daniels uses the powerful Ultrahol he received from Baron von Toity to critically injure Saketumi, who even in victory has to be rushed to the hospital! Von Toity then appears, ends his alliance with Charlie Daniels, and taunts the beaten Saketumi. The crowd is then forced to suffer through a Mexican Sleeping Match between Arschloch and El Tigre, which is won by Arschloch when Pappy arrives and knocks him unconcious. Jonesie the Merciless then defeats the zombie Matth Rock,and Bin Destruction defeats Bitmask in a suicide bomb match, destroying a replica of the WTC filled with PTC protesters in the process!
Finally, the main event features Handsomus R. Awesome defending his FTUW Championship against Theldorrin XIII, Romeo Krystal, and a robotically enhanced Queerbasher in the legendary Last House on the Left Match. Queerbasher is fired from Theldorrin's chest cavity like a rocket at Handsomus, injuring the space warrior and outright killing Queerbasher. However, Handsomus retains the title by executing his Intergalactic Galactic Driver on Theldorrin straight into the side of a mountain. This move kills Theldorrin XIII and causes the Last House on the Left to sink, along with Romeo Krystal, into a bottomless pit deep within Antarctica.

January 14th, 2006 - The FTUW timeline's version of Theldorrin awakens in a holding cell. He finds Theldorrin XIII's log and begins the process of converting himself into Theldorrin XIV.

January 25th - February 4th - Jack Daniels breaks into five different U.S. branches of the Bank of Richonia, stealing some millions of dollars worth of Richonium in order to replace the funding lost when von Toity ended his alliance with Charlie Daniels.

February 12th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Night of 1,000 D'Los is held in an outdoor ampitheater in the town of George, Washington. The event opens with a "match" between Fancy Lala and Bitmask, which is mercifully ended when Commissioner McHarris fires Bitmask and suspends Lala. Sella Phayne then defeats El Tigre in his debut match. Jonesie the Merciless battles the zombie Norman Bald-win, and seems to be near victory when the mysterious Cloaked Man (actually Hard'Rok) appears, kills Baldwin, then creates an army of D'Lo Brown zombies which assault Jonesie! Jack Daniels then defeats Puff Ryder, and Baron Hoity von Toity wins an EPIC match against Rakkyu Saketumi! Finally, in the main event, Apathetic Arschloch defeats Handsomus R. Awesome due to brutal interference from Theldorrin XIV!
As the main event comes to a close, the doors to the arena burst open and THE ARMY OF D'LO ZOMBIES pours in. The superstars battle them, but to no avail, until one of the zombies hits the pressure points of guest referee Darren Drozdov, giving him impossible power. Drozdov destroys the zombies, and Commissioner McHarris uses this opportunity to STRIP the title from Apathetic Arschloch and declare that it will instead be fought for in a 12 man battle royale at King Shit of Fuck Mountain. Finally, the true D'Lo Brown appears and destroys all of Droz's limbs, leaving him crippled again and insane to boot.

February 13th - Amid the ruins of the city of George, destroyed by the horde of D'Los, Hard'Rok begins to build his empire.

March 12th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's King Shit of Fuck Mountain.

April 16th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Monstrous Ejaculation: Everything Explodes!

May 14th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Rock 'n' Roll Anarchy: Powerbomb Murder House.

June 11th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Riki-Oh 2.

July 18th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Roy Jonze Jr. Presents Super Taboo Tuesday.

August 20th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's The Great American Cancer Fight.

September 17th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Muscle Rock.

October 15th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Carlos Mencia Gets Disemboweled.

November 19th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's The Royal Raping: God is Gay

December 17th, A.D. 2006 - FTUW's Extreme Hardcore: Fuck You 2006

January 21st, A.D. 2007 - FTUW's Anal Hemmhorage: Gay Sex Is A Nightmare

January 27th, A.D. 2007 - Friday Night Fuckfest (6/23/06) - FTUW's Clusterfuck Chaos begins!

February 19th, A.D. 2007 - FTUW's Clusterfuck Chaos concludes with a Last House on the Left match!

March 18th, A.D. 2007 - FTUW's Superman vs. Goku

April 15th, A.D. 2007 - FTUW's King Shit of Fuck Planet

May 20th, A.D. 2007 - FTUW's Rapist's Paradise

June 12th, A.D. 2007 - All five members of the band Viscerape are arrested and tried with the ultimate crime against humanity - Maximum Rapeage! Their trial date is set for October 30th.

June 17th, A.D. 2007 - FTUW's Death Race 2007. All of the FTUW superstars except for Handsomus and John Baines McGuiness are killed or suffer equivalent fates such as beign dragged into hell. With the support of all the world's leaders, a man (or men?) calling himself Theldorrin takes control of the world and walls off the United States. The FTUW is destroyed and the nation falls into chaos...
Vinny
[00:10] How can you get an erect dick into your own ass?
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 5181
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:20 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

This timeline seems less complete than the one posted at the other board. Didn't you have PPV dates listed?
Yogurtman
Odin
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 2248
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:22 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

Maybe you should read the one titled "FTUW universe" and not the one titled "Our universe".
Vinny
[00:10] How can you get an erect dick into your own ass?
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 5181
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:25 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

I GOT FLOW FUCKED!
Big Fagot
Alpha ape
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 10544
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 11:16 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

You should toss in other dates like the Diet Of Worms and the creation of the PG-13 rating.
Ryoko's Biatch
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 9255
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 2:15 pm)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

The rest of the PPV listings should include which wrestlers were murdered and who the FTUW and Non-American champions are. With all of the promos lost to the ages, that's probably the best we can do.


Oh shit, I just realized I lost Countdown to Infinite Theldorrins.
Magic Juan
Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 8709
(Sat Feb 10, 2007 2:30 pm)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

God, reading that timeline fills me with such intense joy.
Spamdini
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 1322
(Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:41 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

It truly is magical.
Clotho
Clotho's rational faculties are not estimated to be at optimal capacity for a sapient specimen
Joined: 20 Jan 2007
Posts: 1850
(Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:16 pm)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

The timeline should be cast in as the next ftu wrestler
GimpMask
My daddy ate my eyes.
Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 15034
(Sat Jul 28, 2007 12:08 am)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

You people are really fucking stupid
Action Hank
Yes, I fart dicks. Dicks actually come out of my anus when I fart.
Joined: 20 Jan 2007
Posts: 8600
(Sat Oct 27, 2007 3:28 pm)
Reply

Post     Re: Timeline

Yogurtman really needs to update this!
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Dragon Ball Z Uncensored Forum Index -> DBZxOne Piece Fan Fiction All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group