Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Ryoko's Biatch]

I was excited for a second and then I realized that I already have that one saved.

[Vinny]

We're missing the last 4 PPVs, and also most of the Clusterfuck Chaos stuff but no one wouldn't have went through the trouble of extracting that, anyway.

So basically KING SHIT OF FUCK PLANET, DEATH RACE 2007, and the two PPVs wedged between them. I forgot their names.

[Action Hank]

The timeline thread is cached as well.

[Vinny]

Where the HELL is Yogurtman in this TIME OF CRISIS?

[Yogurtman]

God, I'm sorry I can't MAGIC YOUR SHIT UP.

If Ezboard doesn't respond to TL in that help thread within a day or two I will contact them, but I'm not sure what the hell else I'm supposed to do.

[Vinny]

In honor of discovering the lost PPVs (thanks to Spamdini), a new chapter!

"WHAT, DON'T I LOOK LIKE HIM?!" the ULTIMATE WARRIOR ASKS, his red tongue darting out from between his bleached white bones. Warrior looms over Kanzaki Kenjiro, his entire fucking face missing, leaving only a white skull and his signature face paint smeared across it.

Kenjiro watches Warrior Warrior as he tosses away his Warrior's Machete. He sucks in AIR through his BONEY NOSTRILS, then exhales it through the gaps in his teeth. A great power begins to emanate from THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR as his eyes BULGE OUT OF HIS SKULL. Kenjiro can't even keep his hands in his pockets like a badass in the face of this intense pressure!

"It's been a while I've seen that style," Warrior remarks, taking a wide stance, "THE WAY OF THE VOID!"

! Kenjiro is taken aback by Warrior's comment.

"Geh heh heh ... I'm right, aren't I?" the Ultimate Warrior begins popping all of his joints, bending his fingers back until they're touching the tops of his hands, bending his arms back until his ELBOWS touch his shoulder blades, and finishing by cracking his neck until his head turns 3/4ths around. "It's a technique that allows the user to manipulate his ki in such a way that he can separate the denser gases surrounding his palms in order to create powerful vacuums!"

Kenjiro watches with shadowed eyes as Warrior squats lower to the ground. "It's a skill only true geniuses can use. I noticed it back when I was driving. You lowered the atmospheric pressure slowly in the cab of truck," Ultimate Warrior says, "You were trying to cause ebullism! You wanted to boil my blood from the inside!"

Shaaaaa. Warrior leaves after-images for some reason as he gets down on all fours. Kenjiro raises his fists and takes a defensive stance.

"But it's the sort of technique you can avoid if you know how it works!" Warrior grins but you can't tell, "I've encountered the Way of the Void many times, as I have FACED THE MAN WHO SURELY TAUGHT IT YOU in DEADLY COMBAT, TIGER MASK!!" As a bead of sweat slides down Kenjiro's cheek, WARRIOR FIRES LIKE A BULLET TOWARDS HIM. As WARRIOR CLOSES IN, he raises a knee and SPINS ON THE HEEL OF HIS OTHER FOOT. "SPINNING LARIAT!"

FTUW ~THE SECOND PHASE~
Sidestory: The Man Who Discovered Pro Wrestling

Chapter Nine: The Way of the Void

KENJIRO DUCKS the TITANTIC SWINGS OF WARRIOR AS HE SPINS LIKE A TOP. Kenjiro COUNTERS by SLAMMING A PALM ON WARRIOR'S STOMACH. BEFORE HE CAN YANK IT OFF, CREATING A VACUUM TO TEAR OPEN HIS TORSO, WARRIOR GRABS HIS WRIST. WARRIOR'S EYES BULGE FROM HIS SKULL AS HE REFUSES TO LET KENJIRO'S HAND GO, PREVENTING THE VACUUM FROM FORMING!

"I'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE THIS ARM, WON'T I?!" WARRIOR SCREAMS RIGHT IN KENJIRO'S FACE. AS HE DROPS A VIOLENT ELBOW, KENJIRO PLACES BOTH FEET ON WARRIOR'S TORSO AND PUSHES OFF. FINALLY BREAKING FREE, KENJIRO WAS ONLY ABLE TO CONCENTRATE HARD ENOUGH to PEEL OFF A HAND-SHAPED SHEET OF SKIN. WARRIOR dips his HAND INTO HIS OWN BLOOD and begins writing an essay on his chest about the death penalty and liberal arts colleges and faggots until he starts getting so pumped he's just tearing his FLESH OPEN.

Kenjiro LASHES OUT HIS BLEEDING HANDS LIKE WHIPS, raising them in ARCS until they are above his head. IN RESPONSE, VACUUMS tear open the STEEL OF THE TANKER, producing SHEETS OF SHREDDED METAL that TAKE THE SHAPE OF THE ARCS but in a MIRRORED POSITION. The TORN METAL DARTS FORWARD LIKE SCYTHES at WARRIOR, PLUNGING INTO HIS WARRIOR'S SHOULDERS. Warrior fucking MARCHES FORWARD, dragging the METAL WITH HIM, as Kenjiro continues WHIPPING more BLADES OF METAL. With EIGHT NOW JAMMED IN HIS BODY, he LURCHES FORWARD, BLOOD POOLING BEHIND HIS OCULAR CAVITIES AND OUT HIS TEARDUCTS BUT NOT BECAUSE HE'S INJURED BUT BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING PISSED!

"QUEEEEER!" HE DROPS A FUCKING BIG BOOT INTO KENJIRO'S CHEST, LEAVING A SHOE PRINT IN HIS GODDAMNED BONES. KENJIRO'S PUPILS VANISH AS BLOOD SQUIRTS FROM HIS MOUTH HOLE. Warrior WHIPS HIS ARMS at the BLADES OF STEEL IN HIS BODY and TEARS THEM APART. As he stands over KENJIRO, he DROPS HIS GIANT FOOT AGAIN on KENJIRO'S SPINE.

"IS THIS IT?! After THAT DISPLAY, is the YELLOW SICK MAN ALREADY GIVING UP?! YOU QUEER SLANTS DON'T HAVE THE FORTITUDE TO STEP ONTO OUR CLANDESTINE BATTLE FIELD WITH THIS TESTERONED FUCK GOD," WARRIOR SHOUTS, "THE WAY OF THE VOID IS NOTHING IF YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO USE IT!" Kenjiro's hazy vision focuses on his bleeding hands, the intense VACUUMS HE CREATED tearing his flesh. Despite the VICIOUS BEATING, KENJIRO'S KI HAS BEEN DRAINED, rendering him immobile!

BEFORE STOMPING KENJIRO'S SKULL IN, WARRIOR TURNS TO SEE BLOOD LAKE TOWER, the building housing all the SUPER AIDS-INFECTED CHILDREN RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. "FINALLY, THE NEW CAPITOL OF WARRIOR LAND SHALL BE CROWNED, THE MORTAR FOR THE BRICKS OF MY HEROIC EMPIRE WILL BE PESTLED WITH THEIR QUEER BONES."

"D-Damnit ... I can't ... stop it ... !" PROMETHEUS JONES THINKS as HE STRUGGLES TO STOP THE SEMI-TRUCK.

But out of the corner of WARRIOR'S BULGING EYE, he sees something!

"Q-QUEER?" he utters. IT IS MARIA! But she isn't dressed like Maria, she's wearing a FLANNEL SHIRT. Her hair has been HAPHAZARDLY CUT and looks like COMPLETE SHIT. "PRO-CHOICE" is hastily scrawled on one CARDBOARD SIGN, and simply "GAY" written on the other!

"Q-Q-QUEER!!" WARRIOR FUMES, VEINS POPPING UP ALL OVER HIS BODY. HE LEAPS FORWARD AND JUMPS INTO THE DRIVER SEAT OF THE RENEGADE. KENJIRO RAISES AN ARM AND SHOUTS "NO! DON'T!"

BUT IT'S TOO LATE. WARRIOR AVERTS HIS CRASH COURSE WITH BLOOD LAKE TOWER IN A BLIND RAGE AND TURNS THE SEMI-TRUCK TOWARDS MARIA. PROMETHEUS TURNS AROUND TO SEE HER IMPALED BY THE GIANT FUCKING KNIFE ON THE FRONT OF THE TRUCK, BEFORE THE WHOLE THING CRASHES INTO BLOOD LAKE CITY'S EXPLOSION FACTORY.

BOOOOOOOOOOM! FIRE SHOOTS EVERY-GODDAMNED-WHERE AS THE BUILDING EXPLODES. Kenjiro crashes onto the ground as a TORRENT OF FIRE CONSUMES THE RENEGADE.

"PROMETHEUS! MARIA!" KENJIRO SCREAMS. He clenches a fist as shadows obscure his eyes. BUT THEN, PROMETHEUS EMERGES FROM THE FLAMES, CARRYING THE DEAD FUCKING BODY OF MARIA IN HIS ARMS.

"Damnit ..." Prometheus mutters as she sets her down in front of Kenjiro. The surviving villagers begin to crowd around the two heroes and their dead love interest.

"M-Maria ..." the Elder mutters softly. Prometheus helps Kenjiro to his feet as they are both silhoutted by the raging flames of the explosion factory.

The Elder bends down and closes Maria's eyes, and THEN A MOTHERFUCKING HUGE HUNTING KNIFE FLIES THROUGH HIM, REDUCING HIM TO FUCKING GUTS!

GA GA GA GA GA! THE TEMPO OF THE TENSION THUMPS LOUDLY AS WARRIOR LURCHES FROM THE FLAMES.

"H-HE'S STILL ALIVE!" ONE VILLAGER SHOUTS.

"PROTECT THE TOWER!" ANOTHER SCREAMS. SOON, VILLAGERS GRAB THEIR FARMING IMPLEMENTS AND SURROUND THE TOWER. KENJIRO AND PROMETHEUS STRUGGLE TO STAND AS WARRIOR WALKS OVER TOWARDS THE TANKER.

"Hahh ... hahh ... THE FIGHT'S NOT OVER, KENJIROOOO ... !" WARRIOR LEANS ON THE TANKER, "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY ... SECRET WEAPON!" WARRIOR TAKES HIS SCORCHED FINGERS AND DIGS INTO THE SIDE OF THE TANKER, TEARING A GIANT HOLE IN THE METAL. THE LAST BIT OF BOILING PITCH DRIBBLES OUT as WARRIOR CONTINUES TEARING OPEN THE HOLE. AS HE STRETCHES FURTHER, THE RIVETS IN THE TANK SHOOT OUT AND THE ENTIRE THING FALLS IN A HEAP. IN THE CENTER IS A BLACK STRUCTURE, COVERED IN PITCH.

"W-What is it ... ?" Prometheus mutters. WARRIOR FUCKING HOWLS AND SLAMS HIS FIST INTO THE GIANT OBJECT. SOON, IT BEGINS TO CRACK, HARDER AND HARDER UNTIL A BLACK SHELL EXPLODES OFF THE THING. STANDING THERE IS SOMETHING UNEARTHLY, SOME SORT OF BEAST.

"THIS IS ZEUS!!" WARRIOR SAYS. THE CREATURE'S EYES OPEN, THEIR COLOR A BLOODY RED. IT SHAKES AND GRUNTS, SHOOTING HOT JETS OF STEAM FROM ITS NOSTRILS. TWO MIGHTY HORNS JUT FROM ITS' HEAD. "IT'S MY BULL! It's also called 'Warrior’s damn Mountain Bull Son-of-a-Bitching Goddamn Monster thing.'"

AND WITH THAT, HE LEAPS ONTO ZEUS AND PULLS HIS MACHETE FROM THE WAIST OF HIS PANTS, APPARENTLY JUST PICKING IT UP SOMEWHERE.

"LET'S KILL!!"

[Action Hank]

oh shit!

[Big Fagot]

*zoom in on Kenjiro's eye while Harry Gregson Williams music plays*

[Vinny]

As a raging maelstrom of fire lights the battlefield, Warrior sits atop a mythical-proportioned bull, JET-BLACK with RED EYES, standing at nearly 10 feet tall. WARRIOR raises his MACHETE and DRAGS IT ACROSS HIS BONEY FACE, PRODUCING SPARKS.

Shink! THE BLADE SOUNDS. HE POINTS IT TOWARDS KENJIRO AND THE BULL CHARGES WITH MONSTROUS FURY.

"Kenjiro!" Prometheus shouts as he looks at his comrade. Kenjiro is trembling, barely able to stand after his battle with Warrior.

"WE GOTTA STOP HIM! URYAAA!" Some villagers hopelessly charge forward, slamming their makeshift spears and scythes into the bull, doing absolutely nothing. THE BULL SWINGS HIS HEAD and its HORNS BURY THEMSELVES IN THEIR FLESH, and with a QUICK JERK the HORNS TEAR THEIR SKIN FROM THEIR BODIES. The villagers fall to the ground, SCREAMING, and the BULL RUNS OVER THEM, reducing them to MULCH.

"KENJIRO! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" PROMETHEUS SHOUTS, but KENJIRO STILL DOESN'T RESPOND. Prometheus CURSES and turns to the BULL HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS HIM. In a FLASH, his MUSCLES BULGE TO TWICE THEIR SIZE and he DASHES FORWARD. WARRIOR'S EYES LIGHT UP AS PROMETHEUS AND HIM ARE ABOUT TO CLASH!

FTUW ~THE SECOND PHASE~
Sidestory: The Man Who Discovered Pro Wrestling

Chapter Ten: That Inherited Spirit

"P-PROMTHEUS!" Kenjiro shouts. PROMETHEUS STANDS IN FRONT OF THE RAMPAGING MONSTER THING and DRIVES EACH OF HIS FEET DEEP INTO THE GROUND. FIRMLY ROOTED, once the BULL is ON HIM, he SHOVES HIS HANDS *INTO* THE HORNS, IMPALING HIS PALMS. GRABBING THE HORNS, BLOOD SHOOTS OUT OF HIS HANDS AS THE BULL THRASHES ITS HEAD FROM SIDE TO SIDE, DETERMINED TO DISEMBOWEL PROMETHEUS JONES. PROMETHEUS IS STEADFAST IN HIS RESOLVE AND SOON, HE STOPS THE TITANTIC BEAST!

"IMPRESSIVE! You're THE FIRST who could IMPEDE THE MARCH OF ZEUS!" WARRIOR CACKLES, "But I will not DISMOUNT and stand on the SAME GROUND AS YOU to send a NEGRO to the DEPTHS OF HELL!" HE SWINGS DOWN HIS MACHETE TOWARDS PROMETHEUS HEAD BUT KENJIRO APPEARS AS A WHITE FLASH. THE MACHETE SLAMS DOWN INTO KENJIRO'S SHOULDER, SENDING UP A BOLT OF BLOOD SHOOTING INTO THE SKY.

"FWAH HA HA! COMPASSION DIMINISHES YOUR ABILITY!" WARRIOR SAYS TO KENJIRO, WHO IS PERCHED ON TOP OF ZEUS' HEAD WITH A MACHETE IN HIS BODY, "BUT I MUST SAY I'M HAPPY YOU'VE FINALLY OVERCOME FEAR AND DECIDED TO CONFRONT YOUR DESTINY!"

Suddenly, KANZAKI KENJIRO GRIPS THE MACHETE IN HIS PALM, THE BLADE TEARING INTO HIS HAND AND CAUSING BLOOD TO SQUIRT OUT. SLOWLY BUT SURELY, HE RAISES THE MACHETE WITH ONE ARM FROM HIS SHOULDER AND INTO THE AIR, WARRIOR'S ARM STRUGGLING.

"W-Where did this STRENGTH come from ... ?" Warrior utters.

"I wasn't standing there because I'm was afraid," Kenjiro says, shadows obscuring his eyes, "I was standing there, wondering ... HOW I WAS GOING TO MURDER YOU!!" KENJIRO LASHES OUT WITH A LIGHTNING FAST KICK THAT SENDS WARRIOR SPIRALING FROM THE TOP OF HIS BULL, ZEUS. AS KENJIRO LEAPS FROM ZEUS, ZEUS TRHASHES AT PROMETHEUS JONES ONCE AGAIN. JONES' MUSCLES BULGE OUT FURTHER UNTIL HIS SKIN BEGINS TO TEAR.

"CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!" PROMETHEUS SCREAMS AS HE FUCKING SUPLEXES THE GODDAMNED BULL! A CRATER IS INSTANTLY FORMED FROM THE MANEUVER. PROMETHEUS JONES TURNS TO KENJIRO, BLEEDING, BEFORE HIS MUSCLES DECREASE TO NORMAL SIZE. HE COLLAPSES ON TOP OF THE UNCONSCIOUS ZEUS.

The Ultimate Warrior climbs to his feet, SHAKEN AT KENJIRO'S RENEWED VIGOR. THE WHITE-CLAD WARRIOR MARCHES TOWARDS HIM, HIS BLOOD-STAINED TATTERED JACKET BLOWING IN THE WIND BRAVELY.

"HAH! THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S GOING TO END, KENJIROOO! THE CREATOR HAS CHOSEN ME TO BRING ORDER TO THIS WAR-TORN LAND! JUSTICE, RATIONALITY, MORALITY, ETHICS, COMBAT!! WITH THESE FIVE PRINCIPLES, I, THE FOUNDER FATHER OF RING INTENSY, SHALL RING IN A NEW AGE OF THE WARRIORRRR!!" THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR GETS DOWN ON ALL FOURS AND ROCKETS FORTH LIKE A HORSE, DIRT EXPLODING FROM THE BACK OF HIS HEELS. "ULTIMATE SPLAAAASH!!"

SHOOOOOO! THE WIND WHISTLES OFF HIS BODY AS HE FLIES AT NEARLY 60 MILES PER HOUR TOWARDS KENJIRO, READY TO EXPLODE HIS BODY WITH ALL HIS BEING.

"The Ultimate Splash ..." Prometheus thinks from his prone position on top of the bull, "How can he still ... !"

"DIE!!" THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR SCREAMS AS HE SOARS TOWARDS A STOIC KENJIRO.

KANZAKI SHIPPUKEN: ETERNAL LOOP

KENJIRO COUNTERS THE FLYING BODY SPLASH WITH A THOUSAND FISTS! THE BLOWS ROCKET INTO WARRIOR'S FRAME, LEAVING HUNDREDS OF DENTS AS BLOOD SHOOTS EVERYWHERE, WARRIOR'S BODY KEPT IN AIR BY THE FORCE OF THE ATTACKS.

"I ... CAN .... I WILL ..." WARRIOR CHOKES OUT AS HE GETS ROCKED, "I MUST!!" AND WITH THAT, THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR'S HANDS CLASP ONTO KENJIRO'S WRISTS! THE ETERNAL LOOP FAILED!

"GAH HAH! HOW CAN THESE BROKEN, YELLOW HANDS EVER HOPE TO DAMAGE THE STATUE-ESQUE PHYSIQUE OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR?!" WARRIOR LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY. LOOKING DOWN AT THE MANGLED FISTS OF KENJIRO, HE NOTICES SOMETHING ODD. BLOOD. BLOOD *HOVERING* AROUND HIS HANDS.

"W-WAIT ... YOU STILL HAVE ... ?!" WARRIOR ASKS. WITH SEVERAL VACUUMS PLACED AROUND KENJIRO'S HANDS, HE YANKS HIS HANDS THROUGH WARRIOR'S GRIP, THE VACUUMS TEARING WARRIOR'S HANDS APART!!

"GAAAAAH!" THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR SCREAMS, STUMBLING BACK AND HOLDING UP HIS SHREDDED FISTS. BEFORE HE CAN REACT, KENJIRO DROPS TO THE GROUND AND SLAMS HIS DAMAGED HANDS INTO THE DIRT. USING VACUUMS, HE MANIPULATES THE SOIL UNTIL SO THAT IT WRAPS AROUND WARRIOR'S FEET, BINDING HIM TO THE EARTH.

"WITH THIS LAST BIT OF STRENGTH, I'LL USE THAT TECHNIQUE ... A MOVE FROM THE MAN WHO'S BURNING SPIRIT I HAVE INHERITED!!" KENJIRO SCREAMS. FROM HIS CROUCHING POSITION, HE PULLS A FIST TO HIS SIDE.

SAKETUMI KASEIKEN: FEELING OVER

THE FIST ROCKETS UPWARDS, ENERGY SPIRALING AROUND HIS FEET!

"I REFUSE TO ALLOW THE NAME OF WARRIOR BE ERASED FROM WORLD!!" WARRIOR SCREAMS BACK, THROWING A FIST DOWN AT THE RISING KENJIRO!

"HE'S GOING TO COUNTER IT!" PROMETHEUS THINKS, "GET OUT OF THE WAY, KENJIRO!!"

BUT KENJIRO STOPS WITH HIS UPPERCUT! WARRIOR'S FIST CONTINUES SAILING DOWN, MISSING IT'S TARGET.

"W-W-WHAT ... ?" WARRIOR UTTERS. KANZAKI KENJIRO CROUCHES THERE, HIS EYES BATHED IN SHADOWS.

"If I were to repent for my past weakness ... I was going to have to become stronger than Saketumi himself ..." Kenjiro mutters, "I AM NOT THE SAME KENJIRO YOU ONCE KNEW!"

WARRIOR'S JAW THEN ROCKETS OFF FROM FACE AND SLAMS INTO THE GROUND. HE HOWLS AS BLOOD SHOOTS FROM HIS FACE, HIS TONGUE WAGGING BACK AND FORTH.

"THE WAY OF THE VOID ... HE CREATED A VACUUM TO TEAR OFF WARRIOR'S JAW!" PROMETHEUS THINKS.

"C-CLOMBLAAT ... CLOMBLAAAT ..." WARRIOR GURGLES, STANDING AROUND. KENJIRO'S EYES LIGHT UP ONCE AGAIN, ENERGY SWIRLING AROUND HIS LEGS. WITH AN EXPLOSION, KENJIRO ROCKETS UP AND SLAMS HIS FIST INTO THE ROOF OF WARRIOR'S MOUTH. BLOOD SPRAYS FUCKING GODDAMN EVERYWHERE AS WARRIOR IS SENT SOARING INTO THE SKY!

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR CRASHES INTO THE GROUND AND INSTANTLY CREATES A CRATER. KANZAKI KENJIRO FALLS TO HIS KNEES, COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ENERGY, AND LOOKS UP AT THE RISING SUN OVER THE WALL OF BLOOD LAKE CITY.

"With your fist, Saketumi-san, I was able ... to get a little stronger ..." Kanzaki Kenjiro collapses in a heap as the villagers rush to his and Prometheus' aid. They carefully place them on stretchers and rush them to Blood Lake Tower to be treated.

Time passes and Kenjiro bolts up from his bed, his body wrapped in bandages.

"WARRIOR!" he shouts, confused as he takes in his surrounds, "Where's Warrior?!"

Some new girl, since I killed all the named characters from Blood Lake City already, appears. "It's been days since then. That man ... he's gone ..."

"G-Gone?!" Kenjiro tries to climb from his bed but the girl rushes to his side and stops him.

"Yes. Hours after the battle, he rose up from the ground and awakened his bull," she tells him.

The GIRL THINKS BACK to when THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR AWOKE. He stumbles over, JAWLESS and NEARLY DEAD FROM BLOODLOSS, to ZEUS. SLAPPING IT ON THE BACK, he awakens it and hops on its back. Turning the frightened villagers, he points his finger towards the tower and speaks.

"WHEN HE AWAKES, TELL THAT MAN ... I'LL BE WAITING FOR HIM. IT IS DESTINY THAT WE WILL FIGHT AGAIN, REVELING IN THE JOY OF COMBAT."

Kenjiro looks solemn. He wants to clench his fist dramatically but he's too weak. Kenjiro looks up to see Prometheus walking towards him.

"Rest up, Kenjiro, our journey is not yet over."

ELSEWHERE, IN STONE COLD BREWERY LAND, the Ultimate Warrior rides Zeus through the SWELTERING HEAT and HARSH WINDS of a RAGING DUST STORM in the area. As he continues through it, the dirt and sand stinging his wounds, he notices a FIGURE IN THE DISTANCE. As he pushes through the WIND, HE REALIZES THE FIGURE IS MASSIVE, AND THAT OF A MAN. Standing there like a statue in the middle of the wasteland is a TEN FOOT TALL BEAST OF A MAN, HIS BODY COVERED IN RIPPLING MUSCLE DESPITE HIS GIANT, DISTENDED BELLY. A LONG, WHITE BEARD FLOWS DOWN ONTO HIS TATTERED AND BLOODSTAINED CLOTHES.

"WHO DARES STAND IN THE PATH OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR?!" THE WARRIOR CRIES. SLOWLY THE GIANT'S HEAD TURNS TOWARDS HIM, AND A WRY SMILE FORMS ON HIS LIPS.

"I don't give my name to those who are about to die," he chuckles. WARRIOR, ENRAGED, CHARGES FORWARD ON ZEUS. AS HE CLOSES IN, THE GIANT RAISES ONE HAND AND PLACES IT ON THE BULL'S HEAD. THE IMPACT IS LIKE CRASHING INTO A STEEL WALL. WARRIOR IS THROWN FROM ZEUS AND OVER THE GIANT'S SHOULDER, CRASHING ONTO THE DIRT. He raises up and turns to his FOE to see his FEASTING ON ZEUS.

"Z-ZEUS!!" WARRIOR SCREAMS. THE GIANT HAPPILY TEARS INTO THE MEAT AS WARRIOR'S BULL CRIES IN AGONY. HE CHOMPS EASILY THROUGH THE BONE, SWALLOWING EVERYTHING HIS LIPS TOUCH. SATIATED, HE TOSSES THE HALF-EATEN CORPSE ONTO THE GROUND AND TURNS, BATHED IN BLOOD, TOWARDS WARRIOR.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" WARRIOR SHOUTS. THE GIANT SWINGS A TREE-LIKE ARM AND SWATS WARRIOR TO THE GROUND, BREAKING HIS ARMS. As Warrior struggles to stand, THE GIANT GRABS HIM IN HIS PAW and RAISES HIM TO EYE LEVEL. WARRIOR BITES DOWN WITH THE TOP HALF OF HIS HEAD, TRYING TO FREE HIMSELF FROM THE MONSTER'S GRASP.

"You have a lot of will to live ..." the monster sneers, "I could use a man like you." Warrior stops gnawing on his hand. "I WANT TO CREATE A KINGDOM OF ONLY THE STRONG. How about you help me reach my dream?"

"The ... strong?"

"YES. I SHALL FORGE A WORLD OUT OF THE BROKEN BODIES OF MY ENEMIES. IT WILL BE NAMED ... THE HOLY LIGHTNING EMPIRE!"

And Warrior became the first disciple of the beast who would descend the world further into a nightmare. He was called CALIGULA LIGHTNING.

[Vinny]

I guess this is done. I haven't decided yet.

[Big Fagot]

There's less pressure now that a date is set.

[Mautty]

I want to make a wrestler but I really suck at doing promos.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Hey, everyone loved Jack Masterson!

[Yogurtman]

Yeah, the new fed will need some Masterson or Bin Destruction type characters.

[Spamdini]

You can't just make up that type of character. They have to come about naturally!

[Yogurtman]

That is exactly what Mautty creating a character represents.

[Magic Juan]

I can't decide my character until I see other wrestlers, I guess. I want to sort of balance out whatever is going on.

[Action Hank]

My character is going to be a COMPLETE SURPRISE!

[Ryoko's Biatch]

If by surprise you mean faggot, absolutely.

[Magic Juan]

Fuck, I just read Death Race 2007 and I'm so fucking pumped.