Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Captain PUNisher]

Idaho. The once proud state of Napoleon Dynamite and Larry Craig is now a waste land like the rest of Neo America. The difference is that Idaho had been spared most of the violence that befell Neo America, because like always no one cared about Idaho.

That has all changed. Right now Idaho is a war zone. The forces of the N.E.D. and the Legion of Goon clashed here and when there was no clear winner, they each settled in for the long haul. Now the once beautiful plains (probably, it seems like Idaho would have plains [they’re probably not beautiful, though]) of northen Idaho are filled with ugly, disease ridden trenches.

“We’re here” Gigi says to herself as she arrives in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.

She pushes Raven down the streets of the town on her way to the old Aryan Nations compound (true scoop). These streets are empty now, and although logically she knows it must be true, Gigi can barley believe that they have ever existed in any other way. As she enters the compound she regrets the fact that they had to chose this place as their head quarters, after what happened to her grandparents it makes her uneasy to be this close to Nazism, Neo or otherwise. Her worries fall out of her head as she enters the building and is confronted by Chair-Bot One.

“Ah, you’re here ma’am” Chait-Bot One says.

“How are things looking?” Gigi asks.

“Not too good, I’m afraid” says the robot.

“We’re up shit creek here, uh ... ma’am.” Hard’Corps general General Fist explains in his ususal blunt manner. “You see, we have the offensive all planned out, and by the way this hunk of junk really has a head for tactics, but without an artillery barrage to soften the enemy up, these boys will be slaughtered.”

“Yes” Gigi says. “And we don’t have any artillery...”

-squreeech -

Their conversation is interrupted as a chair is slide back from the table. Up from that chair stands a man unfamiliar to Gigi. Until now the man had been covered in shadows and unobserved by her, but now everyone’s focus is on him.

“Why don’t you guys just come find me when your little tea party is over and you are ready to actually do something” the man says before leaving the room, trying to walk like a badass.

“Who’s that guy?” Gigi asks.

“He calls himself The Sultan of Slaughter” Chair-Bot One answers.

“Yeah, but we usually just call him ‘Dick Head’” Fist cuts in.

Gigi smiles.

“He’s the leader of a local gang of mercenaries” Chair-Bot continues. “We thought it might be advantageous to enlist his aid, but-“

“So far he’s just been real horse’s ass.”

“Well, maybe now that he’s gone we can figure this problem out” Gigi says. “Now, I know we don’t have any artillery, but I have something that may do the trick.”

Going over to Raven’s cart, she pulls out all of the luggage she brought with her. As she drops each piece of luggage on the floor she opens it up and tears through it excitedly. Her belongings go flying in all directions as she searches.

“Nope!” she says as she pulls out her CD case. “That’s not it. This ether” as she tosses the Gravity Boots aside. “A-Ha! Here it is!”

Years ago, during the Clusterfuck Chaos, the waters around Japan were greatly disturbed. They bubbled and brewed and out of them arose a towering beast. That beast was Gamera the giant flying turtle! He was summoned by Gigi. He was summoned using powerful magics, magics written on a scroll by the witches of the N.E.D.

Out of her suitcase Gigi pulls that scroll. They might not have any artillery, but Napoleon was always of the opinion that a radioactive monster was the next best thing.
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Said the Captain PUNisher.

[Big Fagot]

This is the bitch that interrupted my victory!

[Spamdini]

Gamera isn't really a radioactive monster. I'm not 100% clear on his origins, but he's a completely separate monster from the Godzilla franchise so his origins are more likely magical or intergalactic like Mothra's.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Dick.

[Big Fagot]

In the Shōwa era films, Gamera was a gigantic, prehistoric species of tortoise, reawakened by an accidental atomic blast in the Arctic during a dogfight between US and Russian fighters. ... In the Heisei era films, however, the origin of Gamera was changed, giving him a much more directly heroic themed origin: A bio-engineered guardian of the Earth created by the lost city of Atlantis with the purpose of defeating Gyaos, another ancient creation capable of killing all human life.

[Let My Love Open The Door]

Gay chaos will destroy all human life

[Captain PUNisher]

Well, I was obviously talking about the Shōwa era.
_________________
Said the Captain PUNisher.

[Captain PUNisher]

Yeah, I forgot about that Atlantis thing. I guess I just assumed he was radioactive because we has similar fire to Godzilla.

But it's been years since I've seen a Gamera movie, and even then it was only on MST3K.

I won't repeat this mistake.
_________________
Said the Captain PUNisher.