Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Action Hank]

THE ILLUSIONIST: PART THREE
THE ULTIMATE ILLUSION
---------------------------------

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
MAIN CHARACTERS:

The ILLUSIONIST:

Victor Powers, Jr. Our clueless hero. Somehow survived spending several years trapped in a car possessed by the soul of Rodney Dangerfield and a dead DILETTANTE. Has recently defeated the odds by not only surviving FTUW's MURDERGEDDON RESSURRECTION, but coming out of the final match as FTUW WORLD CHAMPION!! Still seeks his father.

Mr. Sinistar:

Old magician and head of the Magic Association Guild of Illusionists and Caterers (MAGIC, or the GUILD). Only surviving member of its Supreme Highest Secret Part. Hates the ILLUSIONIST, and wants him dead. But first, he must discover how Vic has somehow acquired some of the LOST MAGIC that will give Sinistar ULTIMATE POWER! And will he finally warrant being placed so high on this list?

JAZZ FANTASTIC:

JAZZ-powered tag-team partner to the ILLUSIONIST, as well as the newly crowned BEBOP SHOGUN (see JAZZ FANTASTIC side story), brandishing his new and more powerful saxophone: STELLA BY STARLIGHT.

Kimchi:
(image coming soon! I hope.)
The ILLUSIONIST's hispanic/asian servant. Is also a skilled knife fighter and comedic sidekick.

Imhotep:
(image coming soon)
Ancient Egyptian magician, who's disembodied soul has taken residence within the ILLUSIONIST and whom Vic originally thought was the DELITTANTE (whose skull was lost on the moon). Is Vic's teacher and guide, capable of possessing him at great cost from time to time. Seeks to complete the greatest magical trick of all time, begun in ILLUSIONIST GAIDEN.

Other Characters:

Maxwell Powers:
Vic's younger, accomplished, capable, handsome brother. Looks like Vic, but has a glorious mustache and is bigger, stronger, and suave. Works for von Toity.

Femme the Hypnotits:
Member of the Sinistars. Recently joined JAZZ FANTASTIC and Maxwell Powers in JAZZ'S side story. Whose side is she on?

The Rapist Escapist:
Member of the Sinistars. Discovered the existence of Imhotep during Rasputin's battle at Tesla's tower.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary of Part 2: The Return of the ILLUSIONIST
Vic is summoned back to Earth in a botched GUILD magic trick. There he escapes the clutches of Mr. Sinistar, teaming with JAZZ FANTASTIC and Kimchi, and discovers the true identity of the disembodied voice whom he previously believed to be the DELITTANTE, but is actually Imhotep, the greatest magician of all time. After a string of unlikely victories, Vic has become the newly revived FTUW's World Champion. However, the secret of Imhotep's presence has been discovered by the Rapist Escapist, who has since told his master, Mr. Sinistar.

Team ILLUSIONIST has fought of goons, the Sinistars, deadly traps, battles, and tournaments. Currently based out of Branson at the Von Toity estate, the events of MURDERGEDDON RESSURRECTION fresh on their minds---particularly the odd behavior of the ILLUSIONIST during his matches---what lays ahead for our heroes? Why did the ILLUSIONIST believe he was still talking ot the DILETTANTE'S SKULL when it had been lost on the moon? What of the recent cockiness in Vic's attitude? What has success done to his once friendly soul? And what could Mr. Sinistar have planned with his newfound knowledge?

FIND OUT IN THE THRILLING THIRD ACT OF: THE ILLUSIONIST!
------------------------------

UP NEXT: Chapter One
Let's Make some Magic

[Action Hank]

THE ILLUSIONIST’S HAT SAILS OFF HIS HEAD AND HITS THE MAT, AND THE ILLUSIONIST SHORTLY FOLLOWS.

J.R.: THE ILLUSIONIST FALLS FIRST!

CALLAGHAN AND KENJIRO’S KNEES TREMBLE AS THEY STAND UNCONSCIOUS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING (fuck you Peter). HOWEVER, ONCE THE ILLUSIONIST LANDS ON HIS TOP HAT, A SPRING FIRES FROM THE HOLE AND SENDS HIM FLYING INTO REMAINING FIGHTERS! HE NAILS A POWERFUL CLOTHESLINE ON BOTH AND PINS THEM!

OOOOOOOOOOOOONE!

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! THE ILLUSIONIST WINS! THE ILLUSIONIST IS THE FTUW CHAMP!

W.W.: KGNHAKKAGHBHGS!!

J.R.: WE HAVE A NEW CHAMP! THE ILLUSIONIST IS THE FTUW CHAMPION!!

--------------------------------------
FTUW proudly presents:
An Ace Kendo production

The ILLUSIONIST in:

THE ULTIMATE ILLUSION
(part three of the epic saga of the ILLUSIONIST)

---------------------------------------
Chapter One:
Let's Make some Magic!

ONE WEEK LATER
Branson, Nouveau Richonia

It is nearly dawn. For seven straight days, there has been nonstop partying and pussy at the large white mansion that has recently been renamed ILLUSIONIST MANOR by its newest resident, Victor Powers Jr, the man known as the ILLUSIONIST, and current FTUW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. The sun is rising as swarms of goon bodyguards kick out almost all the last remaining whores and fans from the compound, for our champion has work to do.

A man dressed in a white tuxedo stands with a sniffer of brandy, looking off into the distant darkness that envelopes the wastelands of America. He is smiling. Behind him, through an open set of French doors lays two naked women, their bodies covered in dried sweet, passed out from an intense evening of drinking and really bad sex.

This man is none other than Victor Powers Jr, the man known as the ILLUSIONIST. He takes a sip from his cup and then tosses it two stories down into the garden, where the glass shatters. He turns back towards the open doors, a large smile on his bandaged face.

"Vic," a man says from the far end of the balcony. He is a black man in a black suit, and is smoking what is either a hand-rolled cigarette, or a joint. It is JAZZ FANTASTIC, the tag team partner of the ILLUSIONIST, and the current Bebop Shogun---one of the Seven Muses of Death. "I need to speak with you, cat."

Vic scoffs at his friend. "What do you need to talk about, JAZZ? Why should the FTUW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD want to waste time with a plebeian like you?"

JAZZ inhales his "cigarette" deeply, then exhales.

"Dude, don't talk shit to me, jive turkey," he says. "I could spit you like a mother fuckin' pig with the snap of my fingers."

The smile vanishes from Vic's face, as JAZZ's words slap him like a cold shower. He knew it was true, and he swallowed hard.

"Cat, you gotta take this slow," JAZZ says. "Gotta play this cool. There be many tough men out there who'd love to rip off your head and fuck your neck. And those men could do it before you could say your ALAKAZAMS and BOOBEEBABOOS."

"But I did it, JAZZ. I beat them all. That giant monster, Harry Underwood. That dirty Jap, Kenjiro Kazaki. That goddamn dog, Detective Callahan. I beat them all!"

JAZZ leans his head back and lets the newly rising sun bask on his forehead. Then he leans forward and spits.

"I got somethin' for you, cat," he says, and digs his hands into a pocket inside his jacket. He pulls out an envelope and flings it at Vic's feet.

"What is it?" Vic says, looking down at the envelope.

"Your next match. Your brother gave it to me last night."

The ILLUSIONIST grabs the envelope, his hands shaking, and slowly opens it.

"I hope its not that Underwood," he says. "I don't---" He smiles.

"What?" JAZZ says. "Who is it?"

"Why its that Japanese guy, Kenjiro." He waves the open letter in the air. "He's not that strong."

"Vic," JAZZ says, and tosses his "cigarette" aside. "Kenjiro is very strong. Have you ever seen those hands of his? He could eat you alive, with just his hands."

Vic begins to laugh, slowly at first, then deeply and manically.

"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!! I CAN'T BE CHAMPION! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!"

"Vic," a familiar voice speaks from within the ILLUSIONIST'S mind. "Don't freak out just yet. You have the power within you!"

"DIL...DILETTANTE?!"

"What is wrong with you, Vic? I am Imhotep, not the Dilettante. I don't know why you brought that random skull with you to the match, and I played along with your rantings, but the DILETTANTE is gone. I am here. And I will help you keep your championship, and your life."

Vic nods. JAZZ stares at him curiously.

"But first, there is something we need to do. It is time, Vic. I believe you are ready. It is time for you to help me complete the ULTIMATE MAGIC TRICK OF ALL TIME!"

[Action Hank]

For three straight days it has been raining in Branson. The water is acrid and black, polluted by the apocalyptic landscape pumping its charred remains into the sky. The clouds are so black that day seems as night. Thick streams of lightning burst through the heavy clouds, and a steady putrid wind blows in from the west. Even all the splendor, beauty, and wealth of Nouveau Richonia can stop what the citizens have dubbed the Rain of Death, Le Pluie de la Mort from basking the city in its vile glory, and so all stay within their white marble homes waiting for the rain to end. Only the wretched servants of servants are forced out to buy food and supplies.

A dull yellow lamp illuminates the room of one of the smaller mansions, one that would be considered a shack by most in Branson due to its modest 3000 square feet, where a man stands at a window and looks out at the rainy day. This man is either Hispanic or Asian, has a pathetic-looking fu-man-chu, and is picking at his nails with a knife. He turns to face a second man---this man is dressed in a tuxedo, wears a large black top-hat, has a thin mustache painted on with mascara, and across one shoulder is draped a large belt. THE FTUW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT!

"Master, I don't think this is a good idea," Kimchi says.

"Kimchi, Kimchi, Kimchi," the ILLUSIONIST says. He's sitting in a leather chair, holding a sniffer of brandy which he sniffs but does not drink. "Have I ever had a bad idea?"

"Well," Kimchi begins to count on his fingers, runs out of fingers and stares off into space for a moment. "First, there was---"

"Oh my dear Kimchi. Of course not, or else why would I be FTUW World Heavyweight Champion? Why else could I have defeated such admiral, though weak, opponents such as LUNAR PLEXUS or AGENT HARRY UNDERWOOD? Or how else could I have single-handedly defeated the Sinistars?"

"Um...."

"Of course my ideas aren't perfect, but not many people are." Vic sniffs at his brandy again then rubs his belt. "But I feel that I am as close to perfection as there can be, in these troubled times. Which is why we must go to JEW YORK CITY."

"But you have a match to train for, master. Kenjiro is---"

"A trifle. Nothing that the FTUW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION can't handle." Vic turns away from Kimchi for a moment and holds back the vomit that is making his way up his throat. "I'm going to die," he whispers.

"Which is why you must go to this JEW YORK CITY," Imhotep says. "There is an object in one of their 'museums' which we need. It is the key to THE ULTIMATE MAGIC TRICK. And with it, you can defeat anyone."

"What was that, Master?" Kimchi says.

Vic turns back and smiles. He sniffs the brandy and then tosses it towards the fireplace. It misses and pours all over the rug.

"The key to beating Kenjiro is there," the ILLUSIONIST says and stands up. A spark escapes from the and lands in the spilled brandy. "Assemble the team, we leave today!"

The rug bursts into flames.

-----------------------------------
"At last, my time has come," an impossibly old man says as he leans on a cane. "Ready my car. We're going to Jew York City."

"Yes, Mr. Sinistar," a man dressed in a trenchcoat and a fedora says. His exposed hands are wrapped in bandages, though not because he's injured in anyway. "Shall I call for the others?"

"Tell them I want them there before I arrive. Tell them that, and perhaps I shall forgive them for their failures."

The Rapist Escapist nods and leaves.

"Imhotep...the summoning spell worked after all, it seems. I was a fool to have banished you in the first place. But now," he pats a large and old leather bound book at his side, "I have the means to take from you what always should have been mine."

[Action Hank]

Jew York City, the jewel of the Adirondaks.

Several days prior to the Apocalypse, the rich and powerful Jews of New York City, with the knowledge of America's impending doom, had fled north to the town of Lake Placid. Since the destruction of Israel, they had conspired to build a new homeland, and with the end of America at hand, it was time to put their plan into action. Thus, Jew York City was born. A shining monument to commerce and guilt.

Quickly they had consolidated their power, buying up land from goons, hiring squads of blacks, Italians, and Irishmen to preform the muscle work, and getting back to their money-making ways. Jews from all over the land migrated to Jew York, and it was only a matter of time before they recreated their power bases of entertainment, investment, and publishing.

It wasn't too difficult to get passes into Jew York, as Richonia has extensive business connections with JEWBA (the Jewish Executive Workers Businessmen Association), the richest of the Jews who are some of the current backers of the FTUW, and so TEAM ILLUSIONIST arrived at the gates of the city within a days travel.

"Is that...?" Kimchi says, mouth open, as they drive past Lake, on one of its small islands now sits the Statue of Liberty.

"When the Jews left New York and Los Angeles, they bought up most of the famous landmarks and brought them here," Max Powers says. "So you have the Statue of Liberty---"

"But her nose! Look at it! They made it bigger! And she's not holding a torch anymore---she's holding a---a---"

"A menorah."

Indeed, the Statue of Liberty was holding a giant golden menorah.

"And the Chrysler Building, though they were offended by the name, so its now known as the Shlomo Building."

They had also cleaned out the museums. Jew York City now housed the finest collections of art and antiquities anywhere in the nations of America. The ILLUSIONIST was interested in one of these antiquities. One that was discovered in Egypt. One that is thousands of years old.

The car turned away from the lake and they were facing a giant dazzling city of skyscrapers from all over the country. Men wearing black hats with long braided sideburns and thick beards wandered down the streets. Packs of young men and women dressed in blue and white armor patrolled with semi-automatic machine guns, trained as their cousins in the Israeli army had been.

The air was rich with the smells of cooking fish, roasting chickens, and moth balls. There was an abundance of jewelry stores, Bloomingdales, delis, and the occasional Chinese restaurant/movie house.

They turned passed the HOLLYWOOD sign (though know it says HOLLYSTEIN) and towards the Richonia embassy.

[Action Hank]

CONTINUED IN PART TWO!