Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Captain PUNisher]

Time: Like two PPVs ago, after Doolittle was in the big fight with people in mohawks (if anyone reads his promos)
Place: George, N.E.D. Inside Martha’s Inn the former floating palace of Hard’Rok and then the floating parliament building, and right now it’s the floating I don’t know what it is.

“Ms. Empress ” one of Gigi’s advisors says.

“I’ve asked you not to call me empress,” Gigi says. “I’m only in control of the country until things get more stable.”

“Of course ma’am” he apologizes. “We’ve found out who it was that attacked us.”

“Yes ?”

“It is a group calling themselves The Legion of Goon”

“Huh Cute name. What do they want?”

“We have no idea ma’am, but they must want what ever it is badly. They are building up a huge force outside of our Eastern Border and our planing to invade Idaho, and if you don’t mind me saying ma’am, I don’t think they are coming for the potatoes.”

“Shit” Gigi says. “That’s heavy. Well, I’ll send forces over there of course. Hopefully there will be enough of them to defend us.”

“Well, there may be another way.”

“Oh?”

“Our spies have found that The Legion of Doom’s power structure is based on a system of ceremonial fight matches, akin to what they have in the Holy Lighting Empire. They seem more willing to settle their disputes and conquer other people using this method than by war. If we could send our strongest warrior he migh-“

“I’ll do it ” Gigi interrupts.

“But Ms. Empress ”

Gigi give him a scornful look.

“Trust me, I have experience with this kind of thing, you’ll see.”

Gigi rushes out of the door to set up a press conference so that she may address her people.

“I thought I was done with this kind of thing” she thinks to herself as she leaves the room. “But I guess none of us are ever really done.”
_________________
Said the Captain PUNisher.

[Captain PUNisher]

“My fellow New Empire of the Damnedians” Gigi says to start her press conference. “I gathered you here to announce that I am stepping down as your temporary empress. As I’m sure all of you know by now, we are at war with a group calling themselves the Legion of Goon. In order to save my country the hardships of a drawn out war, I am taking it upon myself to take care of this problem personally.”

Gigi goes on to explain about her plan, trying her hardest to not actually mention wrestling. She has decide that the less her people know about that vile sport (entertainment) the better. After this she takes questions from the audience.

“Who will lead us in your absence Miss Empress!?”

“I am leaving my trusted council in charge of the government, but they have strict instructions to return this country to the proud republic it once was!”

The crowd has a mixed reaction to this, because you know how people can be about Democracy.

“How do you know that this Legion of Goons will even accept your offer?”

“Well, I have something that they’d love to try and win from me” she says as she pats her Castlevania Tag Team belt.

Gigi returns to the Martha Inn after the press conference to finish preparing for the trip. As she packs one of her pages runs in.

“Miss Gigi ma’am!” he starts. “I have returned from Hard’Rok’s shrine ma’am!”

“Good, so you got the belt?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good, hand it over.”

As the page leaves the room Gigi holds up Hard’Rok’s half of the Castlevania Tag Team belts that the page had just given her. With her free left hand she undoes her belt and holds it next to it’s brother. She mutters an incantation over the belts coating them with blinding light. After the light fades there is only one belt left. The Castlevania Tag Team belts have successfully been unified.

“I’m those thugs in the LoD won’t be able to resist the chance to win the Castlevania Singles belt. I had planed to never set foot in another ring after all the heartache wrestling has given me, but it look like I don’t have a choice. To protect the people I care about I’m going to have to right. I don’t like it, but I’ll do it for my country God dammit!”

Gigi continues to pack her things, with DETERMINATION!

[Captain PUNisher]

Gigi walks through the dry planes of the former Eastern Washington (even though it’s a desert, many of its features were clearly made by water. This is because there were several huge floods in this area during the Ice Age) on her way to the border of the New Empire of the Damned. As she pusher the cart with her three year old son Raven in it she covers her face with her free arm, blocking the sand.

The heat is starting to get Gigi as the sun continues its relentless pursuit of her, but she continues on. She can’t stop her journey, not now when she is so needed on the Eastern Front. The Legion of Goon had come out of Warrior Land and had been making big advances into the Empire for the first couple of weeks after the invasion, but N.E.D.’s military was able to stop them in their tracks somewhere in Former Idaho. Since then neither side has been able to gain any ground and they have dug in for a long and bloody fight. Now they are just picking at each other from their trenches.

Gigi makes her journey through what was once the G.O.P. stronghold of Washington without any assistance. Her elite bodyguard unit, the Hard’Corps, had already gone ahead to the front, Gigi knew they’d do a lot more good for their country there than with her.

The hours drag on without incident, Gigi doesn’t even know how long she’s been traveling, when SUDDENLY she sees several figures approaching. As they get closer, Gigi gets more and more paranoid. They seem nice enough and they have very trusting haircuts, but there is just something about them that seems off. Gigi gives a knowing look to little Raven as the six people pass them, the first one giving her a polite smile. The last in their line is about to walk by Gigi when a click is heard and the traveler lunges at her with a switchblade! He is stopped mid lunge when Raven hits a secret button in his cart, causing a chair to spring out and hit the attacker in the stomach. A wig goes flying from his head as he falls to the ground, revealing a mohawk underneath.

His five accomplishes attack Gigi one at a time. Gigi draws her chair and a flash of steel is all you see as each guy falls to the ground. Despite the violence of the blows, no blood is seen.

The first guy gets back to his feet several feet from Gigi. He picks up his knife and tosses it between his two hands in an intimidating fashion while licking his lips.

“Come on. Come on” he says, trying to get Gigi to make the first move.

She keeps still though, with her chair clutched in her hands. The man gets impatient and charges at her! He LEAPS into the air as he comes at her, bringing his knife down on her. Right before the knife has a chance to dig into her, she side-steps him and brings her chair down on the back of his head. He collapses on the ground and RIDICULOUS amounts of blood come spraying out of his head!

Gigi looks over at the other men she fell and notices that they too were weaning wigs, but under their wigs are just fauxhawks.

“Fauxhawks?” she says quizzically. “The Legion of Goon would never let these light weights in their club. This goon must have snuck in alone and pick these guys up on this side of the border.”

Gigi wonders how many more could have stunk in as she walks, now with much quicker stride, to the rendevous spot.
_________________
Said the Captain PUNisher.

[Captain PUNisher]

I've had this written since like the first week, but I never got a chance to type it up.
_________________
Said the Captain PUNisher.

[Action Hank]

This has potential in a Lone Wolf and Cub sort-of-way. I can picture Gigi walking through wastelands with a chair at her side, pushing Raven's stroller and doing crazy shit.

[Spamdini]

I was thinking the same thing.

[Captain PUNisher]

America better not get repaired anytime soon.
_________________
Said the Captain PUNisher.