Dragon Ball Z Uncensored

[Big Fagot]

Powerfully, oppressively bad. I spent the entire movie staring at the screen in actual psychic discomfort, with the exception of two or three moments that were funny without requiring any context of respect for the writing or filmmaking. There is no way to care about any of the characters because they're all stupid idiots who behave inconsistently and are never properly introduced (the wildest, manliest character has a wife and child which are a giant surprise in the last scenes, despite having been mentioned earlier in a brief comment that seems more likely to have been a joke).

The script also has Darth Sidious Gets Electrocuted syndrome, where great effort has been exerted explaining things that don't require it (spoiler: The reason they have to do detective work figuring out what happened during their wild and crazy night of drinking in Las Vegas is that they were DRUGGED. How did that happen? Keep watching!)

I like Ed Helms, and I'm alright with Zack Galifianakis existing, and I guess I have a crush on Bradley Cooper because he had probably more than half of the good moments. But this movie is like Baseketball, in that you think the actors will have some kind of creative control, or that they were cast in the interest of promoting correct expectations about the movie, and yet they're actually just there to read what's on the page and get paid.

It does have lots of nudity, though. Post in this thread whether you think it was really Zack Galifianakis's dick (it might have been!)

I give this movie zero Uchuu Itsus out of four.

[Fagzilla]

This title is so fucking horrible that it's good!

[Sporkism]

I like Bradley Cooper. I'm watching ALIAS right now, so he's OF INTEREST to me.

Anyway, I think for a comedy it was okay. The fact that I laughed at all, or was even compelled to watch it in the first place, automatically puts it above most others.

I only saw the movie because I appreciated the In The Air Tonight thing so much, I figured I would give it a chance.

It was mixed with fucking terrible shit that was obviously just pandering to the comedy-going masses (that chink faggot, the tasers), and some moments that seem almost improvised and were kind of funny. I'm thankful that they didn't try to throw in some gay heartwarming crap like the 40 Year Old Virgin or whatever.

I also liked the retarded guy's speech about the wolf pack, and after they get beaten up by the gay chink in the trunk (which wasn't funny), how Bradley Cooper screams "THAT GUY WAS MEAN." I don't know, but it was the way he said it, it just sounded so incredulous and defeated and out of character (they could have taken the easy way out and made the retarded guy say it, but they didn't). The line itself was not actually funny, of course.

Oh yeah, and the drugged thing and how they pretended like it was a mystery was completely retarded. I knew as soon as he was pouring the round of shots in the beginning. I was actually surprised they bothered to explain it later because I thought it was implied. I do appreciate that PLOT POINT, as obvious as it was, because to pretend that a group of grown men could completely black out just from regular drinking is ridiculous and gay and is more like some retarded middle schooler's idea of drinking instead of reality.

[FancyMichael]

Try seeing movies when you aren't pmsing, you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sporkism]

Ha ha, very funny.

[Big Fagot]

Blacking out from a wild bachelor party is a totally reasonable plot device.

[Theldorrin]

Gay movie titles are the worst.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

Yeah, it sucks when even after reading the post you have no idea what movie they're talking about.

[Big Fagot]

Would the title give you any meaningful information that isn't conveyed by the plot and cast?

[Ryoko's Biatch]

I did figure this one out when you mentioned the getting drunk in Las Vegas thing, but it's happened in other threads where the gay sex title is basically impossible to decipher and the first post is some shit like, "Good movie!"

[Big Fagot]

Yeah, that does suck.

[Ryoko's Biatch]

You're such a shithead.

[Theldorrin]

Yes, it would tell us the name of the movie so that we could easily look it up if we wanted to.

As it is, I have no idea what movie it is, and don't want to have to go through their IMDB profiles trying to piece together which one it is (because of course people do gay titles for non-new releases, too).

[johnbuisthegreat]

The Hangover

I didnt figure it out by the title but it was also very long

[L Ron Butterfly]

The COAT HANGovER That Should Have Been Applied to the Script Writer's Mom's Uterus.

[Fagzilla]

Not always getting what movie the gay title refers to is a small price to pay.

[johnbuisthegreat]

you are gay

[cloacal kiss]

This movie doesn't sound so good

[Fagzilla]

This movie was such motherfucking shitass.

Fuck you, both Morgan and Big Fagot, for understating the awfulness of this, and for being fucking criminally negligent in your reasons for WHY it was bad.

Everything up to THE SCENE was actually fine, and I actually laughed several times (like the "ruh-TARDs" thing, for example), and everything was shaping up nicely to the point that I was even planning on coming on here and being like, "well, I LIKED this movie, so eat shit Big Fagot!!!"

But THE SCENE was like watching a guy out for a jog along a steep, rocky cliff, and then suddenly he just turns and jumps off the cliff and explodes against the rocks below.

THE SCENE was, of course, the police interrogation/tasering incident.

One of the things I hate absolutely more than anything in an otherwise real-world comedy is when the rules of reality get completely bent and fucked in the ass and people start behaving in a way that actual human beings never would, in order to facilitate something completely impossible but "funny" happening. It is the cheapest, most pathetic comedic tactic in the world, the classic sign that the filmmakers are desperate to make you laugh.

This was one of those scenes.

Signs of trouble appeared when the cool guy was driving in the cop car on the sidewalk, and he pulled out the loudspeaker and yelled "nice rack!" or whatever at the woman.

Yeah! That would totally happen, being in this absolutely fucking terrifying and disorienting life-or-death situation, HUHHUH, gotta have the cool guy yelling things at the hot girls!

But I forgave, because every comedy movie has its misses.

Then, however, came THE SCENE.

Hey, fucking cocksucking screenwriter and director, how likely is it that two cops are going to not only allow but encourage FUCKING CHILDREN to attack their suspects with tasers? How likely are the children to comply in torturing these adult male humans who they have never met before?

No? Nobody worried about losing their job there? No problem? Oh, and I love how WACKY the two of them are, especially when the guy cop repeats the black cop's line!!!! All like black 'n shit!!!! LOL!!!!!!! What lovable, goofy characters!!!!!

A line was crossed right there, and I went from basically liking the movie to suddenly and intensely hating it.

There's probably plenty I'm forgetting, but the next thing that comes to mind is the Mike Tyson scene. The "Coming in the Air Tonight" bit might have worked under different circumstances, but in context of course it's just gay. And Mike Tyson committing an easily-prosecutable felony by being Mike Tyson and punching some guy in the face for totally insignificant reasons? Yeah, that's realistic, Mike Tyson wouldn't think twice about that! (Well, in his particular case that may not be a fair criticism, but still.)

Moving on, I love how Mike Tyson's (high-resolution) security cameras had not only a perfectly legible soundtrack (because of course security cameras have sound, and everyone is either mic'ed or there's a boom above their heads to boot), but EDITING! Yes, that's right, all of these HIJINKS are perfectly and seamlessly cut together with the appropriate angles and cuts. By who, and when? I don't know, but HAHAHA! Look at that guy PEEING! Can you believe it? He's PEEING!

I don't have much to say about this except to mention it, but hey, congratulations on bringing back the "dangerous animal coming awake/alive in the backseat of a car, making a loud noise, and then everyone screams and it causes a bunch of damage" cliche. I thought that was put to rest 20 years ago, but hey there it is.

Then there's the Asian bad guy character. OH, HAHAHAHAHA, HE'S ASIAN, AND HE'S KINDA CRAZY, AND HE SWEARS A LOT, AND OH MAN HUHUHUHAHAHAHAWWWH, WAS THAT BLACK SLANG HE JUST USED??? DID HE JUST SING A THREAT IN THAT HIGH PITCHED ASIAN ACCENT OF HIS?? OH MAN, HUHUHUHUH, SO FUCKING FUNNY.

I'm incapable of articulating how much I fucking absolutely despise the "wacky Asian" in Hollywood movies. Not just because it's simply embarrassingly, squirmingly unfunny, but it's enormously hypocritical, as nobody will touch most racial stereotypes anymore (some of which actually ARE/would be funny), but they'll continue to allow this shit?

The last thing I'll mention (not for lack of plenty of things to talk about but because I'd like to flush this movie out of my consciousness at least for the rest of the evening) is the "card counting" scene.

Card counting in movies always bugs me, as the subject is never handled with anything approaching realism, but at least in Rain Man the guy literally was an autistic/genius who had been shown to have a very specific ability that would actually be quite a bit more effective than mere counting, plus it was the 80s before a lot of new blackjack rules were put into place, but the scene here was so fucking impossible and stupid and insulting on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

Card counting is a slow, methodical, brutal process that takes weeks upon weeks upon months of play to bear fruit. Card counting does not allow you to sit there and WIN EVERY HAND, while yelling and celebrating the whole time and drawing the maximum amount of attention/heat to yourself.

And I loved the superimposition of symbol-laden mathematical formulae (none of which is in any way applicable to card counting) over Zack G's character's face to signify, hey look, math everybody (this looks like math to you, right?), look how smart this fuckin' wacky-ass guy is!!! Oh man, WE don't know how he's doing it either!!! Isn't this CRAZY???

And then, the characters fail to realize even though there's no way in fuck that they wouldn't, "now that we know this (annoying idiot) can effortlessly make $80,000 for a few hours work, why are we even thinking of leaving Vegas? Why not call our women, tell them the truth, and then give them the happy news that this moron that we know is about to make us all millionaires?" But no, instead they hand over the money to awful, stupid Asian character, meet HILARIOUS BLACK GUY, and they're on their way to the next stupid, faggot, unfunny shit scene.

There's so much more to talk about, but I'm done.

This was by far the worst movie I've seen so far this year (LOL, GET IT???), and the fact that this was a major hit that everyone thought was SO HILARIOUS, BRAH, OH MY GOD BRAH, THE HANGOVER, BRAH just makes me want to be not-alive on this planet anymore even harder.

Absolute diarrhea in my eyes, ears, and brain.

[Theldorrin]

It doens't sound like I'd care for this movie.
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